Dear 100 Hour Board,
So, since COVID is slowly becoming a non issue and my dating prospects are next to none can we get an updated answer for Board Question #76727?
Brought to you by special request of [Rick Astley], here is a dating application for one Anathema Device, Board Writer! Responses can be emailed to email@example.com.
WARNING: The Board will not be held liable for any damages, injuries, spontaneous combustion, Tunnel Worm enmity, contracts with evil pigeons, or the loss of one's eternal soul incurred by attempting completion of the following application.
Relevant Tunnel Worm combat experience:
On a logarithmic scale of 1-10 (base e), please rate the following:
- Interest in esoterica
- Amenability to world domination
- Personal omniscience (for those with a rating higher than 1, please see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)
- Fondness of paper bags
- Ability to keep a secret
Finally, please exonerate me investigate and explain in detail THE TRUTH of what led up to the event involving a penguin, some peanut butter, and a parachute at precisely 10:58 in the morning on May 23, 1962 in Cahul, Moldova.
~Anathema, who certainly wasn't involved in that incidence--I wasn't even born then, and it's not like we have a time machine, hahahahaha... heheh... *cough*. It wasn't my fault, okay? Stop being ridiculous!
I can honestly say that while I've always wanted to be a writer for the Board, I never once thought I would have the sheer chutzpah to whip up a dating application. I have not a single romantic bone in my body, and I expect that will become painfully obvious once I out myself here.
Well, maybe I'm just bored in quarantine, or perhaps hell is in danger of freezing over, for whip up I did, regardless. Behold the fruits of my labor here.
You can find part two here once you've finished all 616 pages of the first application.
Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but just be our friend first, and see if a relationship turns up from there. Being our friend means either:
1. Doing some good snooping until you can discover our identity and following and messaging us on social media.
2. Emailing us. As long as you're a good person, we'd love to be your friend. You've made it this far, haven't you?
Who's to say we're the one in charge of saying whether a relationship would work out?
Yeah, okay. I always want more friends, anyway, and I wouldn't complain if a friendship happened to turn into something else.
So, for anyone who desires to have any kind of real-life relationship with me, platonic or otherwise, I present to you: Josefina's (Relationship TBD) Application.
Or, do what Inklings said. That works too.