"Ignorance isn't only for deep things." -Dragon Lady
-- Previous Day
Question #37276 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My friend and I are two swingin' bachelors. Where can we go to find some lovely ladies (that are older than 21)?

- Dr. IMN Love

A: Dear IMN,

It seems like they all work at Subway and Zuka Juice.

-- Sharky McAllister
Question #37275 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are we wasting perfectly good blank wall space on this lame "100 Hour Board"?

- Shawn

A: Dear Shawn,

--The Grim Rapper
Question #37274 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Where can I find a very large poster (say 3 ft by 5 ft or so) of a fractal?

- Interior Decorator

A: Dear Interior Decorator,

When Mandel Brot invented fractals not too long ago, I don't think that interior design was his intention, but it just might work. Pictures are easily obtained on the web, and they can be printed out and blown up at Cougar Creations in the multimedia section. If you are adventurous, or need a certain look, you can make your own with programs such as Mandelbrot Explorer or FRACTINT (freeware). Here's a simple algorithm to start you off:

`L_brot (XAXIS) { z = Pixel: z = Sqr(z) * z + z + Pixel zr = real(z) zi = imag(z) (Sqr(zr) - Sqr(zi)) <= 4}`

If you want to take the easy way out, there is a fractal web ring for perusing and you can pick out which ones you would like to print: http://www.fractalus.com/ifl/. If you want to pay for it, http://www.fractalart.com/ has nice prints for about \$160 in that size range. Another place is http://www.scienceu.com/geometry/fractals/. This is more what a design student would want, because it is a page allowing you to take pre-made fractals and change their color schemes and print out posters of them. Remember, though, that the fundamental dichotomy for x2 + c is: For Each c-value, the Julia set is either a connected set or a Cantor set. Be careful about that.

--Brother Brot
Question #37273 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are the main doors on the West side of the ESC so hard to open?

- Fraquinho

A: Querido Fraquinho,

When they renovated the ESC a few years ago, the interior designers opted for a "rough" look. That is why you can see the sprinkler pipes and the electrical wiring in the ceilings as you walk down the whitewashed halls. This same principle applies to the "no-frills" doors. Lubricants or easy-to-move hinges would just have clashed with the overall spirit of the building. But look at the bight side--where else are all the science geeks going to get their excercise?

--Fortao
Question #37272 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the origin of the term ivy league?

- Columbia Brown

A: Dear Ms. Brown,

Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Princeton, UPenn, and Yale are called the Ivy League schools because of the ivy that covers older college buildings. The term denotes an ancient nobility and heritage.

-- Dr. Pangloss
Question #37271 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why does the men's volleyball team always play in the Smith Fieldhouse and almost never in the Marriott Center?

- Karch Kiraly

A: Dear Karch:

The Cougars lost only one game all last year (the year they won the national championship) which happened to be suffered at the hands of Long Beach State in our very own Marriott Center. (Apparently the basketball team isn't the only one that can't win there). The players practice in the Field House and feel more comfortable on the court. Granted, continuous sell out crowds in the smaller Smith Field House shows that there is a large enough interest in the sport to move the team to a larger arena, but let's let the numbers speak for themselves.

Home Court Quick Hits:
• The Cougars have won a record 37 straight matches in the Smith Fieldhouse, dating back to a Mar. 28, 1997 loss to UCLA.
• BYU's current Smith Fieldhouse win streak ranks as the third all-time longest homecourt win streak in NCAA men's volleyball history. UCLA owns the top two win streaks (83, 42).
• The Cougars' current Smith Fieldhouse win streak is the longest active homecourt win streak in the nation.
• Since the beginning of the 1997 season, BYU has won 48 of its last 50 matches in Provo, including 34 of its last 35 matches. The Cougars have lost just three times in Provo over a span of 50 matches, posting an impressive .940 homecourt winning percentage.
• The Cougars' all-time record 23 consecutive "home" victories came to an end on March 19, 1999, when Long Beach State upset the Cougars, 2-3, in the Marriott Center. Since then, BYU has gone on to win 14 straight home matches -- all in the Smith Fieldhouse.
These statistics can all be found at the following address on the web: http://cobra.neticus.com/volleyball_m/releases/20000223_mvlb_rel.html. Why change a good thing? Better get there early if you want a good seat to the hottest show in town.

--Ozzie-Wan Kanobe
Question #37270 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who answers the questions? Are you using a CGI script here? Which script is it?

- Tyler Christensen

A: Dear Tyler,

The 100 hour board staff answers the questions right now that consists of Karen Stay, Andrew Pearson, and maybe some other people.

Yes, we use a nice little script from Matt's Script Archive called Formmail.

-- Kat

[Editor's note: this question was answered correctly for the time it was asked.]
Question #37269 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What happens when I ask a question?

- Karen

A: Dear Karen,

When you push submit, a little fairy carries your question to our e-mailbox. One of the staff here deliberates long and hard, and asks an expert, and does research, and then makes something up for the answer. Next we type the questions and answers into the computer, and post them on the page and the board in the Wilkinson Center

-- Kat

[Editor's note: this question was answered correctly for the time it was asked.]
Question #37268 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I know I'll sound desperate, but I would really like to know. Why do males consistently choose some girls to date over others? I see some girls always on dates and others always home alone, with a group of other non-datees, or non-committal guy friends. Looks and personality don't seem to be much of a factor and shouldn't there be matching personalities for everyone? What's up?

- Desperately Alone

A: Dear Desperate,

As you said, looks and personalities do NOT factor a lot into datability. Yes, that usually works for the outside world, but I know many dating dullards. Be assured that there are people out there who find you to be a wonderful, attractive person. However, the 'matching personalities' thing can often be a problem. I am well-acquainted with this fact. Whereas your friends could be out every night with someone who fits perfectly with their personality, it may be that the person you're meant to be with is holding back. From personal experience, I can say that there are many guys who will know a girl is right for them, but wait until they feel that they are absolutely ready to give that girl his affection and attention. Believe it or not, guys actually do think about relationships past the superficial stage. So, be patient. In the immortal words of Snow White, "Someday my prince will come." Despite popular rumor, you should not go around kissing every frog you find in hopes he'd turn into a handsome prince. The prince will be there, waiting as much as you, for the right person to turn his attention to.

-- Stella
Question #37267 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Are there REALLY tunnels underneath campus? And if so, do they go to all the buildings? The Clyde and the Wilk in particular?

- Curious George

A: Dear Curious George:

There are indeed tunnels that run under the campus. There are virtually two long tunnels that run north and west under the campus from the heating plant. The sole purpose of the tunnels is to allow the unsung heroes that work in the Physical Facilities Department to keep our campus running smoothly. They are small tunnels requiring an average sized person to duck, and anyone that is claustraphobic would be advised to stay clear. The tunnels are strictly off limits to hopeful amateur spelunkers.

-- Splinter
Question #37266 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What are ides and why are they on different days of different months? How did the Roman calendar work? how do we know when Easter falls in a given year? How does the Hebrew calendar work?

- Brutus

A: Dear Brutus,
Et tu Brute? Four questions, huh? At 100 hours per question, you're lucky to have this response in less than a week!

The word "ides" was derived from the Latin "to divide." The ides were originally meant to mark the full moon - but since the solar calendar months and lunar months were of different lengths, the ides quickly lost their original intent and purpose. Ides are the 15th day of March, May, July or October according to the Roman calendar or the 13th of the other months.

The ancient Romans did not use days of the week or number their days of the month as we do today. They would count back from either the Kalends, Nones, or Ides of the month. Counting was done inclusively; i.e., the third day of Januarius would be reckoned "three days before the Nones of Januarius" or "III Non. Ian." The year begins with the month of Martius (this was later changed to the month of Januarius by Gaius Julius Caesar, but Nova Roma retains the earlier, more traditional starting date). (http://www.novaroma.org/calendar/index.html)

The years before the start of the Christian era, by today's method of calculation, are referred to as BC, "before Christ." The Romans, however, referred to those years as "a.u.c.," or "ab urbe condita," from "the founding of the City," Rome, in 753 BC. The Romans actually called the year of the founding of Rome as "year one" instead of "year zero." That means that 753 BC, the year of the founding of Rome, was the same as "1 a.u.c." In keeping with this mathematics, Julius Caesar, who was born in 100 BC, was, by Roman terms, actually born in 654 a.u.c. Here's how we calculate this:

753 BC - 100 BC = 653 + 1 =

654 a.u.c. = the Roman date that Caesar was born

The years after the birth of Christ are referred to as AD, anno Domini, "the year of our Lord." The year AD 2000 is actually the year 2754 a.u.c. The Roman calendar originally had 10 months, the first month being March. Four months had 31 days: Martius (March), Quintilis/Iulius (July), October (October), and Maius (May). The rest had 29 days, with the exception of February, which had 28 days. Tarquinius Priscus, the fifth Etruscan king of Rome, ruled that the two extra months would be added to the calendar, making Ianuarius the first month and December the last. His policy was overturned when his successor, Tarquinius Superbus, was expelled from power. Though Rome went back to having Martius as the first month, Ianuarius eventually won out.

Here are some more places to look for information on the above topic: Determining when Easter falls in a given year is much more complex than I thought. A thorough explanation is given at the following site: http://www.smart.net/~mmontes/ortheast.html. To quote the site: "Between AD 326 and AD 1582, Christianity determined Easter using an Algorithm approved by a Church Council in AD 325, with the equinox defined as March 21. From AD 1054 (when the Orthodox and Catholic Churches split) through AD 1582 both the Catholic and Orthodox Churches celebrated Easter on the same date, still using the algorithm from AD 325. The Julian Calendar was used by the European (and Christan) communities until the Gregorian reform of 1582. Since AD 1582 October (when the Gregorian Calendar was adopted by much of Catholic Europe), the Orthodox Easter usually falls on dates different than the Western Christian Easter, although apparently the Churches are discussing using the same formula to determine Easter - probably a formula different than that currently used by either Church.

Unfortunately, I can't really tackle your question about the Hebrew calendar for want of time, but I CAN tell you where to find some answers. A wise man doesn't have to know everything, he just has to know where to find it.This should be a good starting point, and remember, BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

-- Julius Shakespeare
Question #37265 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I called the Risk Management Office about the Fire Code Violation of the many students sitting in the aisles of the JSB Auditorium (140 JSB) for even less popular devotionals and I haven't seen any results. Who would you talk to next? Would you:

• write a letter to the editor,
• write something to University Communications on Route Y,
• write a personal letter to President Batemen,
• invite the Provo City Fire Marshall to come to the JSB for Devotional?
- Jake

A: Jake,

Get into the Vigilante spirit! Next time you see this occurring, take matters into your own hands, Jakey Boy. Grab a fire extinguisher, buy a bullwhip, teach them aisle sitters a good lesson. And smack that RM with the Scooby Doo shirt a good one for me, eh? Geez, I hate that guy. But.....if you're too much of a pansy to do all that, write a letter to the editor. Good luck, flowerboy!!

--Fozzie
Question #37264 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who answers these questions and how does one who wishes to participate get involved?

A: Dear Columnist Wannabe,

I see it is time once again for our semi-annual proclamation of who we, the 100 Hour Board, are. There is a rigorous process for becoming a member of the Illustrious 100 Hour Board Staff. There are 15 tests that must be taken, in mathematics, English (emphasis on etymology), BYU policy, sports and leisure, foreign policy, manufacturing techniques, Jell-O, love and dating at BYU, love and dating everywhere else in the civilized world, ethnomusicology, botany, listening to people whine about petty things and not getting homicidal about it, wit, charm, and good looks. If you score at least a 45 out of 50 on at least 14 of these tests, you are hired as an apprentice 100 Hour Board Writer. You then get to follow a Master Writer around all day long, observing how they live their lives, chaperoning their dates, and most of all, drooling in awe at their extensive grasp of all types of knowledge. Once you have proven yourself as an apprentice, you are issued a code name and you begin to blend into the society of BYU anonymously. Nobody knows who the 100 Hour Board Staff is, not even the 100 Hour Board Staff. No one knows what Sharky McAllister looks like (except for the physical description he gave of himself in a recent question). No one is sure what gender CAPCOM is. See that person standing next to you? That might be Horatio K. Frankenzeimer himself. Or is it herself? We know everything. We see everything. If you are interested in taking the tests, send an application request (with your email address) to qboard@clubs.byu.edu. [Editor's Note: This e-mail address is no longer functional. To find out how to apply, keep searching the archives.] But let me warn you, if you fail the intelligence tests, you may be doomed to writing the questions for the 100 Hour Board for all time.

--The Board Itself
Question #37263 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have 6 fingers on one hand. What should I do?

- Happy Hand

A: Dear H.H.,

Well first of all, if you ever rob a bank or something you'd be easy to find. "The six-fingered man did it!" That's a give-away. Unless you wear gloves and fit both of your pinky fingers into one finger hole because then the cops won't be able to tell the difference! Unless they make you take the glove off. Then they'd know you have six fingers. But that's only if the cops are out to get you. So make sure you never break the law. All in all, get rid of that sixth finger as soon as you can or else people will make fun of you because you're different. Personally, I have nothing against people with six fingers. I actually think that's pretty neat. Girls would say "Woah! You have six fingers! Let's go out!" If you're comfortable with it, go with it! It's nothing to be worried about, and it's your own choice whether or not to keep it. You should do whatever you want to do. Another option would be to join the circus as the "six-fingers crazy man", but I sure wouldn't. That'd just be dumb. The circus is like organized crime; once they have you, they have you for life. And that's when they make you kill a man.

-- Sharky McAllister
Question #37262 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are men controlled by their hormones?

- Disgusted

A: Dearly Disgusted,

Because some of us are incapable of thinking. I can think. I don't know about the rest of 'em guys.

-- Fozzie
A: Because Women are controlled by looks. And you know this because....

-- Disgusted (Male) CAPCOM
Question #37261 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who are Sharky McAllister and Fozzie and are they available?

- Interested

A: Dear Interested,

Sharky McAllister's mom is from California and his dad is from Utah. He is something like 6th generation American, of Swedish, English, Irish, Welsh, and Scottish decent, but mostly Swedish. He was born in Bartlesville, Oklahoma in 1981, the second of four siblings. His family moved to England in 1990, and then moved to Utah in 1995. 5'9", 165 ?lbs. His eyes are brown, his hair is strawberry blonde, and his heart is full of radiance. Sharky is an open major and expects to leave for a mission sometime in the summer. He has email at bzzzzzzzt@yahoo.com "I'm Available, By Jiminy!! Available For Girls!!" However, Sharky is inexperienced in relationships and may have issues with intimacy.

-- Sharky McAllister
A: Well, hello there Interested!

Fozzie is that lovable bear in the Muppets. Y'know. Waka waka waka. Oh, you mean me? I'm a freshman with a lot of free time. Availability? I'm a freshman with a lot of free time. If you want to email me: psykotix@excite.com If you'd like to join the Fozzie fanclub, I don't have one. But if you start one, I'll let you be vice-president.

-- Fozzie
Question #37260 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who is this Murphy guy who has a law named after him?

- Murphy's long lost son

A: Dear Murphy's long lost son,

Your elusive father's full name was Edward A. Murphy Jr., born in 1917. He was an engineer on the rocket-sled experiments the US Air Force did in 1949 to test human acceleration tolerances. One of these experiments involved attatching 16 accelerometers to the subjects body. There were two ways each sensor could be attached to its mount, and the person doing the job managed to put all 16 on the wrong way. The test subject, Major John Paul Stapp, later at a news conference quoted Murphy's original statement, which was prompted by this occurance: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

The version we are more familiar with is actually "Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives."

--M
Question #37259 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Woman, do you love me?

With all my heart. I've just been waiting for you to ask!

-- Love, M
Question #37258 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why is it there are two major girls-choice dances (Fall and Winter Preference) but only one big guys-choice dance (Homecoming)? It's discrimination!!

- Dateless and Wondering

A: Dear Dateless Wonder,

--J. Alfred Prufock
Question #37257 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How come many of the clocks on campus make a buzzing noise right before the top of the hour? This always distracts me during sacrament meeting.

- Dazed Freshman

A: Dear Freshman,

Welcome to the wonderful world of BYU sacrament meetings, where you get to study the Periodic Table of the Elements hanging on the wall as you sing "I Stand All Amazed." Because BYU wards meet in regular classrooms, distractions abound. The clocks make their buzzing noise ten minutes before the hour to indicate that it is time for class to let out. Because they are only twelve-hour clocks, not full-week clocks, they cannot be programmed to only go off on weekdays. Therefore, you will have to learn to deal with the distracting buzz, just as I once had to deal with the weird sensation that comes with having your sacrament meeting in the CougarEat.

--Irvington Washing
Question #37256 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why won't people tell me why Scottish sheep jokes are so taboo? All my friends tell them amongst themselves. I hear them snickering from time to time, or saying, "Wi-i-ilbur, I lo-o-o-ove you," but they don't let me in on the joke. What's so funny? What's so wrong?

- Confused Lowlander

A: Dear Confused,

The fact that Scottish sheep jokes even exist is yet another example of mankind's insensitivity to one another. You should count yourself fortunate that your friends at least take measures to make sure that you, the Scot, do not hear their jokes, for fear they might offend you. Scottish sheep jokes tend to be like Pollock jokes, cruelly poking fun at an innocent racial group, only in this case it is Scottish sheep who take the brunt of it. Scottish sheep jokes have much in common with bagpipe jokes ("Why do bagpipers march when they play? Because it's harder to hit a moving target!"), because legend has it that the bagpipe ws invented when a lone Scot (maybe his name was Wilbur) was walking across a field and accidentally stepped on a bloated sheep carcass, which made the most lovely of sounds when the air was suddenly squeezed out of it. Well, I think I've already said enough. Just tighten up your kilt and don't let them get to you, laddie.

--Washington McIrving
Question #37254 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Where can I find a schedule for guys' lacrosse? I'm a huge fan of the sport and would love to go to the games. Thanks.

- Jessica

A: Dear Jessie,

You can find the schedule (it's too long to print here) and all sorts of other info at www.byulacrosse.com. They have a three-game homestand coming up before a trip to the Great Red North, so go out and cheer on our Cougars!

--Fan Boy
Question #37253 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are eggs, which usually taste vile, so scrumdillyumtious when you put ketchup on them? Also, why do apples and peanut butter taste so good together?

- PB Fingers-Catsup Man

A: Dear PB Fingers-Catsup Man,

Your question is very palatable. I have often stayed awake at night pondering such food combinations as the ones you mentioned. Personally I think everything tastes better covered in catsup. It's the American condiment. And as for your desire to consume apples and peanut butter, are you sure you're not pregnant?

--Chef Boy R. Delicious
Question #37252 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who proofreads for the signs placed around campus? Take a look at the Courtesy Phone instructions sign located in the Wilk lobby near the covered drop-off. Are we not in college? Couldn't we at least run spell check if nothing else. How pathetic must we look to visitors?!

- I are an college student

A: Dear future Mrs. Webster,

We at the 100 Our Bored, our so glad you pointed out the grave misteak that is on the Courtesy Phone instructions sine located in the Wilk lobby near the covered drop-off. It seems as though the party responsible for this indirect, yet blatant, scheme to undermine the rapport which aspiring young minds hear at BYU aspire to is only two eager too pass the buck thus alluding the omniscience of the 100 Our Bored staff?) It is therefour determined that the rationale coarse of action is fore us too all spend at leased one our per day searching the Webster's Dictionary four new words two memorize and incorporate intwo hour daily conversation

--I were an college student two
Question #37251 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Where on the web can I find a place to store a lot of files free (more than 50MB)?

- Too much memory used

A: Dear Too Much Memory Used,

The best place for free web space is xoom.com. They will give you UNLIMITED SPACE. You can make up some odd html page name that is only accessible to you and store stuff there. You can even make your stuff password protected if you want. This is better than those "internet hard drives" because xoom is less likely to root through your files and send you ads based on what you keep on your computer. Enjoy xoom. I do.

-- Xoom-xoom-xoom-boy
Question #37250 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why is it that everyone says, "I would never hurt my friends to get a guy/girl" but yet everyone does anyway? Why cant we just acknowledge that WE'RE ALL TRAITORS?

- Backstabbers (myself included)

A: Dear Fellow Stabby,

Thank you for bringing this up. I think a problem we have at BYU is that since people assume that most people at BYU are all trying to be Christ-like, they eliminate the possibility that they could somehow become jerks and not even realize it. It all goes back to the difference between "talking the talk" and "walking the walk", the latter being the more difficult. All people like to think that in a certain situation they would act in a themost good and decent fashion possible. All people like to think "I'll always be a good person, no matter what." Many of these people haven't had their kindness tested. People just need to realize that it is possible to become the kind of person that other people absolutely hate. Some of you reading this may be thinking "I'll never do anything like THAT". I hope you can say the same thing about yourself when some sort of weird complicated situation comes up where you have to make a decision about something that could hurt someone else. If you can, you're great! Thank you for being a glowing beacon of hope in this crazy world. If not, welcome to the club (we like to call our club "mortality"). Anyhoo, we're all traitors in one way or another. Stinks, don't it? Yep, it sure does.

-- Sharky McAllister
Question #37249 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who killed Mary?

- Geoff Tate

A: Dear Geoff,

I did.

--Anonymous
Question #37248 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are the ESC doors made so hard to go through?

- Apparent Weakling

A: Dear Weaking,

This is the second time we have answered this question in the last few weeks. This time, let's just say that the newly remodeled ESC was equipped with doors that, in an emergency such as a fire, would automatically open. The motor and other hardware necessary to make an automatic door make it a little heavier and harder to open manually. It's just like those automatic doors for the handicapped that you can push the button and they open. Trust me, you'll thank them when you're running for your life from the building.

--Washington Irving
Question #37246 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How many movies are in the "Doc Savage" series, and what are their titles?

- Man of Bronze

A: Dear Man of Bronze,
Only one book from the "Doc Savage" series was made into a movie. Here is the info:
Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze.
Warner Brothers, 1975.
Screenplay by George Pal and Joseph Morhaim.
Directed by Michael Anderson.
Doc Savage March by John Philip Sousa, adapted by Frank DeVol, lyrics by Don Black.
--Ghetto Superstar
Question #37245 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why doesn't BYU have an NROTC program?

- Semper Fi

A: Dear He Who Doesn't Know His Slogans,

BYU doesn't have a Navy ROTC program because there hasn't been enough interest. The Navy stopped routinely putting ROTCs at college campuses some time ago. The Unnamed University to the North has one, and if BYU ever showed that it would be worthwhile, the Salt Lake chapter says they would be glad to start one in Provo. Whatever the reason, though, you certainly do not belong in the NROTC. Semper Fi (shortened Latin for "Always Faithful") is the slogan of the United States Marine Corps. But, of course, I guess that is what ROTC is supposed to teach...

Militaristically Yours,
Colonel Crazy
Question #37244 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is it with broken drinking fountains around campus? The one by the 100 Hour Board is broken as well as the one by the men's locker room in the RB. Are these isolated instances? Can we get these fixed?

- I'm thirsty!

A: Dear Thirsty,

By the time I got this message on Tuesday, the drinking fountain by the 100 Hour Board was allready fixed, so I guess that answers that part of your question. For the other part, since you didn't say what exactly was broken I'm assuming that no water was coming out of the bubbler (the thing that shoots water out.) In order of probability, here's a list of what might be wrong:
1. The water tank might be frozen.
2. The cold control may be off.
3. The water inlet screen could be clogged.
4. The regulator assembly could be broken.
5. Water pressure could be too low.
6. The water lines may be clogged.
7. The fountain may be short on refrigerant.
You can check these out on the Halsey Taylor website (the company that most BYU fountains come from): www.halseytaylor.com.
Good day,

--The Unstoppable Infonaut
Question #37243 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the most common guys' name at BYU? Jason, Andrew, Steve, and Scott are clear contenders. What's the deal? Are Mormons just not that creative in naming their kids?

- Meg

A: Dear Meg,

Actually, it's Dave. Everyone has a Dave. Who's the Dave in your life? Mine is a former roommate. But Mormons can be as creative as the next religion when it comes to naming kids. Think of poor Mahonri Young!

--Shiblon Williams
Question #37242 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the origin of the surname Mellings?

- Sir Mellings (the only Mellings at BYU)

A: Dear Mr. Mellings,

According to 'What's in a name?', Mellings and other forms of the word which come from the common stem Mal/Mael/Mell, is an anglocized version of a term meaning "descendant of a nobleman"--coming from Mael--"prince." The name was originally found in Lancashire and can trace its roots back to Anglo-Saxon origin from the 12th Century A.D.

~Guinevere
Question #37241 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?

- Gollum

A: Great Gollum,

Obviously, you've either read The Hobbit or are in the midst of reading it and are tired of wading through the endless scene with Gollum. In that context, it is a ring that Gollum received for his birthday. But, in real life, I'd have to kill you or get you security clearance before telling you that.

~Bilbo.
Question #37240 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What state is Murfeesboro in?

- Uncle Sam

A: Dear Yankee:

It's in Tennessee, and home to Middle Tennessee State University. What cool facts would you like to know?
• The school was founded 11 September 1911
• The mascot is the Blue Raiders.
• Jonathan Whitworth, men's basketball player, currently
leads the NCAA in 3-point shot percentage.
• Alumnus James M Buchanan, PhD '41, was the 1986 Nobel
Laureate in Economic Sciences.
• Al Gore's dad went here.
• Check us out at http://www.mtsu.edu.
-- Tennessee Tuxedo (will not fail!)
Question #37239 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Do grads lose their Route Y accounts? If so, how long after?

--A Happy Convert
Question #37238 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the origin of the term 'red tape?'

- Curious

A: Dear Curious,

Apparently, in British government during the 19th century, all official documents were sealed and tied with a bit of red material that was commonly known as 'tape.' To get to the actual, important document, you would have to struggle to undo the tape. As a result, any difficult, bureaucratic process is referred to as 'going through red tape.'

~Neville Chamberlain.
Question #37237 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I need sheet music to the Hawaiian Style Band's song "Love and Honesty." Where can I find it for sure?

- King Kam

A: King Kam,

Media Play can order it for you. It might take a little while to get it in, but if it's in print they can find it.

-- The Unstoppable Infonaut
Question #37236 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why does the University schedule reading days and finals on Saturdays!? It is so frustrating!

- Wondering

A: Dear Wondering,

Although "evil" is the first word that comes to mind after reading this question, "just cuz" is probably a better answer. There isn't really an amendment in the constitution that designates Saturday as a day without finals, exams, or classes. (Perhaps you should get a petition started to make any intellectual activity on Saturdays illegal). The class schedule says "the reading and the examination periods are firmly scheduled parts of the semester" and that reading days are for "conscientious review, study, and synthesis of the semester's work." Frustrating as it is to not be able to hang out at the Cougareat the Saturday before finals because you should be conscientiously reviewing is just something you're going to have to get used to. BYU has an amazing number of students to accommodate coming in and out of semesters. It's one of the only schools that can fit an entire semester into one summer. Thus we sacrifice our Saturdays so those RMs can get back into school faster and begin the hunt for a wife. Stick around one summer, who knows, maybe you can join the ranks of the hitched undergrads.

-- Tambourine Man
Question #37234 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it true that Dave that works at the Creamery is engaged? If so, who is he getting married to? I'd ask, but I'm too embarrassed.

- Unfortunate

A: Poor Unfortunate Soul,

Cruelly and bluntly put, yes. Her name is Karen. Get over it.

-- Cartridge
Question #37233 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can you get kicked out of BYU for watching rated R movies? Someone's bishop is not signing their endorsement because of it. I know watching rated R movies is not in the Honor Code. The Bishop says he is not sustaining the prophet.

- An astonished student

A: Dear Student,

The Honor Code Office has no policy about that. Bishops, as judges in Israel, have the authority and stewardship to determine whether a person is worthy to maintain their ecclesiastical endorsement. BYU itself, including the Honor Code Office, has nothing to do with making these judgement calls. If a bishop deems someone unworthy for whatever reason, then the Honor Code Office takes the necessary measures, no questions asked. So, in a sense, the answer is yes. The bishop is within his bounds to determine if he feels comfortable with signing the person's endorsement, and the Honor Code Office and BYU do what he says, because it's his stewardship. If your friend thinks that he has been unfairly judged, he should talk to his stake president. It's a church issue, so you must go through church channels.

-- Washington Irving
Question #37232 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What's the meaning of life?

- JP

A: Dear JP,

It's a cereal; it's a game; it's a computer program; it's any organized matter which has the ability to respire, reproduce itself and has cells; 42; any deeper meanings are the provence of philosophers, and would take too long to explain.

-- Kat
Question #37231 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are the doors in the library (new section) so hard to open at night?

- Studyholic

A: Dear Studyholic,

BYU has always focused on the whole person. Therefore it comes as no surprise that the doors in the library can be difficult to open, especially after many hours of diligent studying. It's so we can work the mind and the body. This is same reason there are seventy some-odd steps to the Richards Building.

This is of course just two aspects of the entire persona, but I don't think I need to go into how BYU encourages us to be more social and get married.

-- The library's chief architect
Question #37230 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How and where can I LEGALLY obtain a stop sign? And roughly how much would a small one cost?

- The Shield-Maker

A: Dear Shield-Maker:

Mel Northey Company, Inc., will sell you a stop sign. They're located in Houston, Texas, with a toll-free number of (800) 828-0302, a fax number of (281) 445-7456, and a web site at http://www.melnorthey.com. You can also send them email at info@melnorthey.com.

--The Spear-Bearer
Question #37229 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What does "here I raise my Ebenezer" from Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing mean? While you are at it, what did Seal mean by "Kissed by a rose on the grey?"

- Stumped

A: Dear Stumped,

The Hebrew phrase Ebed'nezer means "helping stone." The phrase found in Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing is taken from 1 Samuel 7:12 and is quoted exactly as in scripture--"Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I'm come." According to "Brother Ron's Notes on 1st Samuel", "This reference puzzles many who sing the song, but simply means that the LORD has brought us to our present point in our spiritual (and physical) life. He has been sufficient for every need and trial."

As for "kissed by a rose on the grey", I'm not sure about the reliability of the source I found, but if you listen to the entire song, the first verse says that "There used to be a greying time all alone on the sea" and then he says "I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey." The greying time is a period when there is nothing to do at sea but go grey and one can become desolate and emotionally deprived. The comparison of a "kiss from a rose on the grey" is telling the person that they are like the one fresh, beautiful thing that can bring joy to their life during the times of desolation in life's journey.

~Cunegonde
Question #37228 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why was the flag at half mast on Tues. the 22nd and today the 23rd?

- Mourning

A: Dear Mourning,

A BYU student died over the three-day Presidents Day weekend. The funeral is scheduled for today, the 24th, and the flag will be raised tomorrow, the 25th.

--Messenger
Question #37226 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the meaning of life?

- Bob the Lettuce Shredder

A: Dear Bob,

You are probably expecting a wordy, witty reply to your seemingly innocent question. But the truth is, Bob, that the meaning of life should be clear to most BYU students. If you truly don't know, I suggest you enroll in a religion class and start going to Sunday School. You'd be surprised how well the meaning of life is laid out in the Plan of Salvation.

--The Archangel
Question #37225 posted on 09/15/1998 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why, when descending HFAC stairs, do I have to go back up stairs to get to the right level?

-Handicapped

A: Dear Handicapped,

Obviously you are thinking that the only valid level in the HFAC is the third (main lobby) level. Well, let me tell you that there are a total of five floors in the HFAC, and only one of them has a stair landing offset by two extra stairs. The real reason the HFAC architects created this lowered landing on the third level is so that people standing on the landing can chat with their friends who are sitting and studying on the "slabs" surrounding the landing. That way, both the standing person and the sitting person are at the same eye level. If you are truly handicapped, perhaps you are unaware of the elevators in the HFAC, just inside the E wing, and in the tunnel on the north side. If you can't handle taking two extra steps upward to get off on the third floor, maybe you'd better just keep on trucking down to the second floor and take the elevator back up so you can leave the building.

--Washington Irving
-- Previous Day