That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. - Henry David Thoreau
Question #27297 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
I'm desperate to know how to remove mud stains from satin shoes. I've found home remedies for every other stain on every other possible type of material but can't find anything about removing stains for satin. Please help! Your assistance will be muchly appreciated.
P.S. The shoes are the "Dyeables" brand

A: Dear Clueless,
The experts all disagree, but, unfortunately, the words aren't hopeful. Dyeables, of course, doesn't have any counsel about the issue. Word says that mud stains should generally be removed with lots of running water, etc., but the issue with shoes is the carboard-ish, stiff material within. Others say that you should try using some kind of spot remover that can be worked through the stain. Don't use Zout-ish products (helpful, though they are) because they require complete washing to remove all of the detergent and gunk. Sources suggest you call a dry-cleaner and give him/her the particulars of the case. S/he may have more pertinent specific counsel for you.
Question #27295 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear Knut,
First of all, we just wanted to tell you how cool you are! We are dressing up in Viking Costume for Halloween. My wife is the Fat Lady! But also, we are dying to know ... who is that Green Beret who supervises Grounds Crew by the Botany Pond?! He is so cool!
-Fork the Grate

A: Dear Fork,

Thank you for the compliments. The "Green Beret" is actually Daniel Flare, a long-time resident of Provo and a BYU graduate. He enjoys army related stuff, and has a lot of G.I. Joe figurines. Go figure.

Question #27294 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
Once the new parking garage is completed next to the JFSB, who will be allowed to park there?

A: Dear Herbie,
It will be faculty parking.
-The Board
Question #27293 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
My roommate listens to really crappy techno music really loudly almost all the time. At first, it wasn't that bad, but it is starting to drive me crazy. She even listens to it while she sleeps. She refuses to wear headphones. What do I do? (please don't tell me to learn to like techno)
-A freshman who didn't pick her roommate

A: Dear Unfortunate Freshman,
Fight back! Pick up a habit that drives your roommate crazy, and refuse to give it up. Once you've irritated the heck out of her, tell her you might be willing to work out some kind of behavioral compromise between the two of you. I think you know what I mean. That's not very Christlike, I suppose, so if you want to try being nice first, read the advice offered in Matthew 18:15-16 (also found in D&C 42:88-89). Good luck.
-Der Berliner
Question #27292 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
Can you please explain to me why girls must wear the provided shorts while working out at the RB whilst the boys can wear their own shorts?
-one buff chica

A: Dear Buff Chica,
It's Title IX. BYU, like many other schools, has had to show a lack of discrimination in funding men and women's athletics. As you know, the men's gymnastics and wrestling teams were cut to create equality by subtraction. It still wasn't enough, so now they have gone on to cut the men's locker room clothing budget. Guys actually prefer to wear the BYU shorts, but must bring their own now that BYU will no longer supply them. So next time you see a guy who has been forced to bring shorts from home, while you have had BYU issue generously supplied, just think, "Thank you, Title IX, for making life a little fairer!"
-Der Berliner
Question #27291 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
I've noticed that the HBLL LRC has recently installed some new TVs for video viewing purposes. I thought the old ones were a decent size, but for some reason the new ones they've purchased are much larger. Isn't it true that the bigger the screen is, the farther away you should sit from it to preserve your eyesight? If so, why did the LRC buy these huge screen TVs if their viewers only sit one foot away?
-20/20 Vision

A: Dear 20/20 Vision,
That stuff about sitting far away from the TV is rubbish that your parents tell you. It goes in the same category as turning on the dome light when you're in the car so you can read. Your parents tell you that it makes it hard for them to see, but they really just want you to pipe down and go to sleep. Have you ever tried driving with the dome light on? It doesn't make a difference. Yes, yes, of course I know that there are always grains of truth to these parental fables. Otherwise we wouldn't have believed them for so long. Televisions are little more than a big electron gun, which really isn't wonderful for your eyesight, but no one really spends more time in the LRC than they absolutely have to, so it won't be that detrimental.
Question #27290 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
What exactly does the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed" mean? It makes no sense. If a friend were in need, the friend that helps them is the friend indeed, not the one looking for help. Does any of this make any sense?

A: Dear Confused,
You solved the riddle without realizing it. If someone is in need, the friend who helps them is a true friend, just as you said. The saying is to be understood as, "A friend in your need is your friend indeed." Not as catchy, but it does clear up the ambiguity as to whom is in need. This saying goes a little deeper than it looks, because you can also understand it as "A friend in need is a friend in deed," with the idea being that a friend will act to help you when you are in need, not just lament your sorry plight. And if a native German speaker can understand such a phrase, surely you can too.
-Der Berliner
Question #27288 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
Why do items B1, B2, B3, B4, and B5 never work in the drinks machine in Q Hall basement?

A: Dear Drinkaholic,
Originally, we were going to sum up your answer in two words ("It's broken"), but our kinder, gentler side prevailed, so we made the long arduous trek up to DT and Q Hall, and there discovered an amazing fact: they work just fine. In fact, we purchased items from every machine in the B1-B5 range, and all of them worked (and you owe us $23.60). Our guess is that you didn't properly insert the $1.25 necessary to purchase orange juice, or that your personal magnetic field was on the kenicky.
A: Dear Thirsty,
To help prepare freshman for the trials and adversity they will face in the rest of their lives. It's only going to go downhill from here, so get used to it.
-Der Berliner
Question #27276 posted on 11/02/2002 midnight

Dear 100 Hour Board,
Where is the closest place to Provo to buy buffalo meat and/or deer meat?

A: Dear Hun,
If you have a credit card and a computer, the closest place is your nearest internet connection. Several buffalo and venison dealers offer online ordering.
Here's just a sampling:

Jackson Hole Buffalo Meat @
Various cuts of buffalo, elk and other meat

Sayersbrook Bison Ranch @
Buffalo, elk, venison, ostrich, emu, and much more

Great Plains Bison @
Lots of buffalo meat including the trademarked Buffaloaf (a buffalo meatloaf)

Of course if you'd prefer to get your buffalo in person you could take a trip to Antelope Island (located in the Great Salt Lake). According to the Antelope Island State Park website, you can reach Antelope Island by taking I-15 to exit 335 (Syracuse/Freeport Center), then traveling nine miles west on Antelope Drive to the entrance gate.

The island is home to 600 free-roaming buffalo in addition to mule deer, pronghorn antelope, bighorn sheep, coyotes, bobcats, badgers, porcupines, jackrabbits, several species of rodents, and numerous migrating and nesting birds. Not only can you see wild buffalo roaming the island, but you can eat buffalo burgers at the Buffalo Point Restaurant. I spoke with the restaurant's owner and he told me that he only has burgers available at the restaurant, but that he also has access to other cuts of buffalo meat if requested. He can be reached at 801.776.6734.

Hurry, though. The Buffalo Point Restaurant closes after this weekend and won't reopen until February.

By the way, my compliments on being a buffalo eater. Several reputable medical studies have shown buffalo meat to be a natural cancer fighting food.

P.S. Here's a buffalo recipe courtesy of our friends at Great Plains Bison:

Great Plains Bison Chuck Roast

3-4# Buffalo Chuck Roast
3 Beef Bouillon Cubes
Lawry's Season Salt

In the morning, place Buffalo Chuck Roast in a slow cooker, generously seasoning with Lawry's Season Salt. Add 1 c. water and the bouillon cubes. Cook on low all day. Your roast will be done to perfection in 6-8 hours. (Serves 4-6)