Dear 100 Hour Board,
As a recent addition to BYU culture, I've been trying to figure out what the mental pursuasion behind the rush to get married is...obviously hormonal pursuasions can play a big part. So, I guess my question is this: do you think that perhpas the reason that so many people seem to date for like...a week or so...and then become fiances is because we've been told for so long to be "anxiously engaged?" What's the shortest amount of dating time that you've heard of before the couple got engaged? Do those sorts of engagements and marriages usually work out?
Hoping the Board notices the "tongue in cheekness" of the first question,
Ringless in Remote Tennessee ;)
Yeah, that's pretty funny yo, "anxiously engaged."
One of the reasons that I think it happens is because, as you might seem to notice--or if you haven't yet, you will soon--it seems that a lot of ecclesiastical leaders remind us, nay, bombard us with the reminder of eternal matrimony. It's in church meeting talks, devotionals, even Daily Universe articles. Yes it's a good thing to be reminded, but good grief, like we didn't get the memo yet, people. I've been at this school for five years and I've heard talks on marriage a bazillion times. Some people fall into the fear of not getting married while at BYU, but really, don't marry the first person who comes along because you are graduating! Ahh, real world! Scary, run away run away!! Some people need to realize that only at BYU do people marry when the girls are 18 or 19 and the guys are 21 or 22. The rest of the world is about 27 or 28. I turn 23 on the 20th of May (that's tomorrow as I write this)--if 27 is the age for me, than that age is fine. In the long scheme of things, 27 isn't that old. I have eternity to be married.
The shortest dating time I've heard was one week. The two people had known each other for years, but the idea of dating never entered their heads. Then, a few years later, one said, hey let's go on a date. And a week later they were engaged. They're both wonderful people and I know that they knew it was right. Actually, she knew that she would marry him after that first date.
The second shortest dating time I know of was at EFY two years ago. While serving as EFY counselors in an undisclosed state (and I'm sure some fellow counselors will know this story), they met, hung out (as much as counselors can during EFY), "dated" all during the first week, and then became engaged two days into the second week. The ten percent rule at its finest. They were married two months later and now go to one of the BYU schools.
Hey. When I was at the devotional recently with Earl C. Tingey, I asked my ever famous question, "What percent of the talk do you think will be about marriage?" "Twenty-five," one of the girls said. "Dunno," another mumbled. "Ooh, a third," I said. The second girl who mumbled dunno timed the 45 minute talk and then timed the marriage part...15 minutes. Sorry, had to brag about that. At least he said "I didn't tell you to go get married...just to be prepared to be married." Also interesting was that the DU only used one or two lines to comment on the marriage, the rest was about the first part about records.
One of my best friends met his wife, and then had an event happen where a dream he had at 16 happened exactly as before, and then he knew he would marry her. Four weeks after he met her he said that he had a dream he wanted to tell her about, then spaced continuing to discuss it due to circumstance, and the next day she went to California to visit her family. One week later she got back, still very irritated and anxious due to not having heard about that dream. Then he told her about when she got back, and after he told her the dream (it basically said they'd marry each other), there was this lazy pause. Then he mumbled "So you wanna get married, or what?" Yup, Mr. Romantic. They told me that and I said "Wow, 35 days. Five weeks. Four if not for the trip to California." "Well, her parents were 10 days," my friend told me. "Wow," I said.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I'm slow."
So, I know of two ten-day couples and one five-week couple. All three of those marriages are excellent, and I know there won't be divorces in any of them. The two ten-day ones are middle-aged and have had all their kids and are great. My friend is a guy who would never screw up, and she's great too. Weirder things have happened, I suppose...
I know a few older couples that supposedly decided to get married in a couple weeks. I don't know whether that was more normal back then or what, but it still seems quick. I suppose if you really know something than there isn't anything to do but to go ahead, but two weeks is very fast. I know a chick who got engaged in two weeks that is younger than me, but I think she's a loony. Two months is about the fastest I've seen a couple take. It would probably take me longer than that to get around to dating a girl.
It wasn't at BYU, but I knew a guy (now middle-aged with 13 kids and happily married) who got off his mission and was married before he gave his homecoming talk.
Granted, they'd dated extensively before his mission, but I still think that one takes the cake.
- Mighty Quinn
I'd just lke to take a moment to tell everyone they can slow down! If it's right now, then it will still be right after having know each other for a year. As I'd mentioned a month or so ago, a good friend of mine recently divorced after a quick marriage. A few months more waiting would help people avoid potential sorrow.
Just because you know you will marry a certan person doesn't mean the two of you are ready to be married yet. There are kids in elementary school that know they wll go to BYU, but they shouldn't sign up for Fall Semester just yet.
-The Franchise (My parents got married after knowing each other for a few months, I took two years.)
Dear Ringless in Remote Tennessee ;),
I woldn't exactly say I rushed into marriage, but I have always known that I am a better person with a significant other (now a wife) than without. I am not saying that I need to have a significant other in order to feel valid or valuable. I am saying that I love having someone to think about and be mindful of, to do things for and to know is there for me as I am for her. For me, the idea that it is not good for man to be alone, is very true. I would be lost without my wife.
As for the quickest marriage, a friend of mine named Dave served a mission in Guatemala. He left a fiancee behind, but chose to discontinue the relationship before leaving the MTC. He went and served with all his heart. While there, he met a sister missionary, native to Guatemala. They exchanged information, shook hand, and parted ways. Once home from his mission, he began writing her extensively. He flew back down to Guatemala and took her on a date. They were married that weekend.
Now, about 5 or 6 years later, they have two children and he was just released from the Stake Young Men's Presidency to serve as a Branch President.