There is no music in hell, for all good music belongs to heaven. ~Brigham Young
Question #23319 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

This is not a question. Someone asked what I was doing and what I did to woo my wife for Valentine's Day.
Here is my answer to be copied and pasted.

Not being able to wait, as soon as our alarm went off I dashed over to my secret hiding spot and returned to bed to give my wife, who looks so beautiful when she wakes up--her breath like roses smeared in cinnamon buns--and showered her with presents.
I got my wife a cute shirt from Patagonia (one of her favorite brands) and about a dozen Kinder chocolate candy bars, which are also her favorite. Each of these showed significant effort on my part since the only Patagonia store is in Salt Lake and Kinder products are not sold in the U.S. so she knew I had to exchange my extra kidney on the black market for them.
The rest of the morning and afternoon was dullfully wasted on school and work.
That night we went to our favorite restaurant (where I had to get a reservation a freakin' week in advance) and I made sure that my wife ordered whatever she wanted and subsequently stuffed her with dessert. I told her that her body is so perfect that it makes me feel bad and if she could gain a couple pounds by means of the largest and most wonderful chocolate torte I have ever seen or tasted that it would make me feel better. Her response was along similar lines so I unbuckled my belt and together we engorged ourselves.
Upon returning home we watched some romantic movie she picked out as we let our stomachs settle. After that we "read scriptures"... all night long.
So that was it: thoughtful presents, nice care-free dinner, and scripture reading. A careful observer will note that there were no Johnbythewayesque type moves or tricks or over-the-top flare. I think the trick to treating your wife is consistency, not once or twice-a-year blowouts. My wife hears that she's beatiful, wonderful, and that I love her all the time, not just on Valentine's. I also did not waste time doing the typical guy thing by whining about how Valentine's was invented by Hallmark and is stupid, etc. Fellas, just look at it as a chance to get presents and guaranteed ngiht of scripture reading... all night long.
The reader should also be aware that while we were "care-free" in our dinner approach, we both eat well, work out, and are in exceptional physical state.
As for an update on me, I am doing well and am excited to graduate in April and not so excited but preparing nonetheless for the LSAT in June. I divide my employment between the Writing Center and a Research Assistant for the Philosophy Department. I also have an internship with a local law firm and have 2 essays that have been chosen for publication this semester and therefore require substantial time in revision. In my free time I am training to compete in LotoJa, the annual bike race from Logan, Utah to Jackson Hole, Wyoming... and giving my wife foot massages.
Thanks for the question, it's nice to remembered. However, please do not send any more as I have quit the Board, have little time, and miss the Board writers I loved too much to justify writing more.

-Skippy DeLorean

Question #23236 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In reference to Board Question #23107. I looked up The Backslider by Levi Peterson because, frankly, it probably caught my eye because of the asterisks, and it was also referenced in Katya's link. I looked it up online and I read the first chapter and I was shocked. I have to admit that I may be naive as far as "things of the world" go - but I don't see the value in reading about the specific sins and thoughts that this guy has. So my questions for you are meant to be honest and non-confrontational: Why did you list this book as one of your favorites? Is the resolution valuable enough to merit the language and material in the beginning chapter?

Sorry for having two questions in one entry - but being an unmarried girl, I find boys to be something of a mystery. So here's my second question - are the sins that the main character Kevin deals with common among Mormon men? I found the references to masturbation especially troubling. I know that nobody's perfect - and maybe the reason why this character has a book about him is because his situation is somewhat unique? ( I'm hoping )
Anyway - your thoughts on this would be great.

- KindOfDisgustedWithTheWorld

A: Dear KODWTW,

Why did you list this book as one of your favorites?

This book is about someone who isn't perfect, who makes a lot of mistakes (and keeps making them), who thinks that he isn't a valuable, lovable or worthwhile person because he keeps making mistakes, and who finds out otherwise.

It's one of my favorites because I know many people who feel the same way, who think that they are beyond forgiveness or repentance because they have made serious mistakes in their past. I haven't necessarily made the same mistakes as the main character of this book, but I've gone though times when I keenly felt myself to be far from adequate, and unworthy of love because of it. So seeing this character come to an understanding of God's love for him helps me, too.

Is the resolution valuable enough to merit the language and material in the beginning chapter?

Umm, maybe not. For you. If you're offended by the beginning chapter, I have to warn you that the rest of the book isn't much better. And you'll probably be offended by the vision of Christ in the last chapter, too.

If you sympathize with the main character and his struggles, this is a great book. If you find the main character and his struggles to be foreign and upsetting, this is probably not the book for you.

- Katya
A: Dear KindOfDisgustedWithTheWorld,

Katya asked me to address your second set of question and filled me in on the basics of the story (I haven't read the book). To be honest, I am unable to find statistics on the prevalence of masturbation among LDS adolescent males. However, let me share what I did find.

In chapter 4 of Worth Waiting For: Sexual Abstinence Before Marriage by Brent Barlow, he quoted Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide in noting that research shows that 95% of males and 50-90% of females had masturbated at some point during their life as well as that "regular church attenders masturbate as much as the nonattenders." While not specific to the LDS population, this shows that the rates are similar regardless of religiosity.

To specifically note the LDS community, he used a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball where he says that the practice of masturbation is actually "a rather common indiscretion." So, even if we say that LDS prevalence is half of the general population, that would still mean a rate of about 47%. So, if you call maybe half of all LDS men engaging in the practice at some point common, then yes, it is sadly common.

Your comment about finding it troubling as well as your signature caught my attention. I am not saying you are, but I am going to take this opportunity to simply remind you and anyone else who is reading who may also be "disgusted" by the topic or the thought that masturbation is so common among members of the church to be careful about passing unrighteous judgment.

Sexual urges are very powerful. President Kimball's notation of this being a common practice should help you see that falling into this practice, even just once, is apparently not difficult.

While you might find the idea of someone struggling with masturbation or even engaging in it once to be "disgusting," remember that we all have weaknesses. If it isn't masturbation, perhaps it is petting, pornography, sexual intercourse, homosexuality, drug abuse, theft (cars, candy bars, or anything in-between), drinking, smoking, gambling, emotional or physical abuse, participating in inappropriate entertainment/media, not paying tithing, failing to keep the Sabbath day holy, not hearkening to the counsel of our leaders, or a host of one or more of any number of sins.

Is it wrong for any one of these practices to be repugnant to us? No. They are all sins and should be repugnant. Just be sure that it is the practice, the sin, that you find repugnant and not the person.

-Pa Grape
Question #23233 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In many arrangements for "Praise to the Man," we hear bag pipes. Does this have any significance?

- Thinking too hard

A: Dear thinking,

I'll have to agree with you; you are thinking too hard. Open up your hymnbook with me to page 27.

Don't worry, I'll wait here while you go find one.

(waits patiently and stares benignly into space)

Have you got one? Wonderful. Now that you've opened to page 27 (you have opened to page 27, right?), look at the very end of the hymn. You'll find some tiny print that tells you who wrote the text and the music for the hymn. Generally these are attributed to people, but in this case, the entry for the music reads nothing more than "Scottish folk song." The author is uncertain; all we know is that the tune is a generic Scottish folk song. You may have heard it before - it sounds remarkably like "Praise to the Man." (It may sound like I'm being sarcastic and condescending here. I promise I'm not trying to be.) For that simple reason, you're likely to hear arrangements of "Praise to the Man" featuring bagpipes in the background. It's traditionally Scottish. Bagpipes just fit.

- Optimistic.
A: Tth,

You know, post-baptism, ANY bagpipe song I hear sounds like "Praise to the Man". Then again, I think all bagpipe songs sound alike.

-la bamba
Question #23232 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why does the A/C light come on in my car when I turn on the heater?

No name

A: My Dearest Person That Lacks a Name,

Maybe your car has no respect for you because you have no name. Or it could be that your car is upset because you haven't given it a name. Who knows what is wrong with your car, we don't even know what type of car it is. If it really bothers you that much you should take it to a mechanic, or the dealership.

-The Right Reverend Rusky Roo
Question #23223 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My husband and I moved to a family ward about a year ago. In that time we have been home taught once, and I have been visit taught once. I really hit it off with my visiting teachers, but the RS presidency changed them the next month. I understand that as students we are difficult to get a hold of (being Primary teachers probably doesn't help either), but they have never even left a message on my answering machine, so I don't even know who my new teachers are. I frankly feel abandoned, not having anyone to tell my worries about being pregnant too, but I have always been the 'good little girl,' so I keep doing my callings, and I don't want to kick up too much fuss. How can I change this situation without making my visiting teachers hate me for ratting them out?

- Amethyst, the lonely purple llama

A: Dear Amethyst,

It makes me so sad when some wards just don't care about things like home or visiting teaching. We may all kind of groan when we realize it's the 28th of the month and we have to rush to get it done, but it's there for a reason. Both are divinely inspired programs and, when done correctly, have the power to do great things.

First can I tell a story? Oh wait. Of course I can. Last year I was in a ward that, unfortunately, really didn't care about home teaching. I was in the ward for over six months and never once knew who my real home teachers were. And believe me, I did "kick up a fuss." I made sure everyone who should know knew that my home teachers were neglecting me. By the 4th month, one of my friends from my last ward came and home taught me. By the 5th month, I honestly chose a home teacher for myself. There was a guy that made good comments in Sunday School and though I'd never met him, I went up to him after Sunday School one day and honestly said something along the lines of, "Hi I'm [Lavish]. What's your name?... Nice to meet you. Want to be my new home teacher?" He was actually impressed. He talked to the Elders Quorum president and got okayed to be my home teacher. Did he ever come to officially share a lesson with me and whatnot? No. But that's one reason I'm no longer in that ward. It makes a difference.

Now to answer the question. I think you have a few options. First of all, have you tried talking to your visiting teachers and letting them know that you want them to come over? If you know who they are and feel comfortable talking to them, I'd start there. I know that they should be the ones setting up a time with you but even just saying something like, "Hey, am I going to see you guys this month?" will let them know you actually want them to come.

There's also the possibility that your visiting teachers are embarrassed that they haven't come yet. I know when I'm supposed to do something and I don't, I feel guilty and embarrassed and try to avoid the situation further. Does it help? No. But then I don't have to think about the fact that I messed up. We all do it. If you don't want to call them on their mistake, you can always play stupid. "Hey, I know I'm hard to get ahold of to visit teach. Life is just so busy! You have my number, right?... Yeah, just leave a message and I'll call you back." A lot of it has to do with how you broach the subject. "Hey, aren't you my visiting teacher that has never come once?" probably isn't the best way.

If your ward is keeping numbers like they're asked to, they should know who is getting visit taught. If you're not, they'll already know who's not doing their job. I would talk to the Relief Society presidency. They should already know that you're not getting visit taught and who it is that's not doing their visiting teaching so you're not ratting anyone out. You're just making sure that they know how important it is to you that you do. Besides, they may just switch the girls around so that at least one of the companionship is good about doing it.

As stupid as it is, sometimes you have to say something. I know you don't want to make a fuss but, the blessings and comforts that actually having visiting teachers can bring should far outweigh the temporary discomfort of notifying someone of the problem.

If you don't get any action from your ward, talk to a close friend or family member and ask them to come visit you. They may not be your official visiting teachers but they can do the job, I think. My roommate is actually the Relief Society president in our ward and she wasn't getting visit taught for months. She mentioned it once so one of our other roommates and I pretended to call and set an appointment with her. At the appointed time we honestly knocked on our own apartment door and had her invite us in. It was so funny because we asked her questions about the guy she's dating and about things we already, as roommates, knew about but her visiting teachers might not know. It was funny but when I got to the lesson she honestly started crying because she'd been under so much stress and something I'd said was exactly what she'd needed to hear. Even if the people that visit you aren't your real visiting teachers they can make a difference as long as it's all done with the guidance of the Spirit.

Heck, I'll come visit teach you myself if you want. That's how important visiting teaching is. Besides, I always bring good treats.

- Lavish

P.S. Hey Mojoschmoe, Zantedeschia and I will be over again later this month.
A: Dear Amethyst,

You can also request to get your old visiting teachers back. If the issue is that the new ones never come, go ahead and give them a chance. If the issue is that you liked the old ones better . . . talk to the RS president about it, and let her know that you'd like to have your old visiting teachers back. If you can wait for her to make the change when she's making a bunch of new assignments, anyway, your new VTs don't ever have to know that you requested the change.

- Katya
Question #23220 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
How do you pray in German?
--Jorge

A: Dear Jorge,

Here's a template.

Vater unser im Himmel,
Geheiligt werde dein Name.
Dein Reich komme.
Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel so auf Erden.
Unser tägliches Brot gib uns heute.
Und vergib uns unsere Schuld,
wie auch wir vergeben unsern Schuldigern.
Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung,
sondern erlöse uns von dem Bösen.
Denn Dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit. Amen.


<size=6>(that is: Our Father who art in Heavent, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come, they will be done, as in Heaven, so on Earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory in Eternity. Amen.)</size>

-A. A. Melyngoch
A: Dear Jorge,

I heartily endorse using The Lord's Prayer as a good template. Here is the basic structure of prayer given in German.

1. Redet Gott an.
Lieber Vater im Himmel, Himmlischer Vater, usw.
2. Sei Dankbar für alles dass Gott du gegeben hast (besonders Segungen).
Ich bin dankbar für ..., Vielen dank für ..., Ich bedanke mich dass du ..., usw.
3. Bittet für alles was du brauchst.
Bitte hilf mich.... machen. Bitte segne mich..., Wach mal über mich ..., usw.
4. Schliess im Namen Jesu Christi.
Im Namen Jesu Christi, Amen. In den Namen von Jesus Christus, Amen. .
Ich finde es auch hilflich ein Bericht meines Tages zu geben. Das Heist ich teile meine Zeile und Pläne mit. Ich berichte wie mein Tag gegangen ist, und worüber ich mich sorgen mache. I finde es auch ganz wichtig zuzuhören -- es bringt mehr Kraft in das Gebet.

(English Translation)
1. Talk to Heavenly Father
Father in Heaven, Heavenly Father, etc.
2. Be thankful for that which you have been given (especially blessings).
Thank thee for ...
3. Ask for what you need.
Please help me...., Please bless me ..., Watch over me ... , etc.
4. Close in the name of Jesus Christ.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. .
I also find that it is important to simply tell your Father in Heaven how your day went, want troubles you, and what your goals and plans are. Listening also brings a new strength to prayer.

I actually still only pray in German as I find that can express myself easier than in English. I sure hope this helps. Please don't hate me.
-- Brutus

Question #23216 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What lessons should we learn from the story of David and Michal?

Specifically I am thinking about these scriptures (1 Samuel 18:20-27, 19:11-17, 25:42-44; 2 Samuel 3:16, 6:14-23, and 21:8-9) To review briefly: "Michal Saul's daughter loved David," and "it pleased David well to be the king's son in law," though the Bible never says that David loved Michal in return. King Saul asked David to slay a hundred Philistines as a condition to wed Michal, "But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines." The plot backfired on Saul because David slew 200 Philistines, and Saul was forced to give his daughter to David. Saul tried another way to kill David, and Michal tricked her father in order to let David escape with his life.

While in hiding from Saul, David married the beautiful Abigal, and Ahinoam the Jezreelitess. Meanwhile Saul gave Michal to Phalti to wife. After Saul was killed David caused men to be sent to take Michal from her husband Phalti, "And her husband went with her along weeping behind her to Bahurim." And when David was the acknowledged king over all the land he took to himself more wives and concubines.

Later, "as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart." When David came into his house, to "bless it," a cold and sarcastic wife met him. Can't you just see her saying, "How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!" Apparently this daughter of a king felt that in his exuberant dancing, wearing a linen ephod, "more of his body was exposed than she believed proper." [LDS Bible footnote]

David replied, "It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD. And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour." The last we hear of Michal is that "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death." [Michal brought up five sons for her older sister Merab, but David "delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill...."] Meanwhile, David consoled himself with his numerous other wives.

So, did David do the right thing, or was he too harsh and unforgiving of Michal? Was Michal right about David showing a lack of decorum, and was she right to despise him and say something about it, or was she too critical? What is your opinion?

- Doc

A: Dear Doc,

Please do not take the following as doctrine, cause it's not. I think that they are sort of like an ancient case of the Prince of Wales and Princess Consort, except in the modern-day case, they actually got married, and didn't kill off each other's children.

I could see Michal feeling badly because she knew David when he was truly "all that" and before he went off after lusts of the flesh.

David started off a good guy, but became like unto the last Democratic president, more rules by his body than by his principles. So, I feel sorry for them both. David could have been greater than he was. He was not allowed to build the temple. His son, on the other hand, learned from at least some of the mistakes of his father, though...when it all comes down to it?

They're all human. Judge them as that, and leave the rest of it up to God.

The Force
Question #23196 posted on 02/24/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

At the end of the semester I'm going to be buying a used car. Any tips for making the process go smoother and for avoiding being ripped off? Would you recommend buying from a dealership or from a private seller? Any haggling advice? What should I look for in a used car? I'm looking for a Nissan Maxima, if that helps.
Any and all input is will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
- Gene Parmesean
(Aaaahhhhhhhh!)

A: Dear Gene Cheesy,

This site has some tips:
http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/usedcar/usedcar.html

-la bamba
A: Dear Gene,

See also Board Question #13178 and Board Question #13237.

- Katya