"When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species." - 1960's Batman TV show
Question #41261 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Regarding Board Question #41103,

In my religion classes, the teachers have said that ALL religion classes are added and dropped online, even after the first day. No add/drop cards are accepted, and that's department policy.

I believe the reason was because it's one of the few areas where classes are required for all students--it's just easier to handle the large masses online.

-Taking TWO Religion Classes This Semester

Question #41254 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear I Need More Money,

My wife once worked a job that offered tuition reimbursment and quickly discovered that 1.) there is a reason they offer such handsome benefits- that was the only way to keep someone working such a crappy job, and 2.) you have to work there full-time during school, which can be difficult. It could be a great job for all I know, but I would be real leery about entry-level jobs that offer tuition reimbursment. But that's just me.


Question #41198 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently saw a video of this guy charging an Ipod with an onion and gatorade on youtube or something, if you lived on a island with only onions from an onion patch to eat, only gatorade from a gatorade stream to drink, and only an ipod with your music to listen to, could you live off of only onions and gatorade while also always having a way to recharge your ipod to listen to forever?

- Bleser

A: Dear Bleser,

As much as I wish this were true, I'm going to have to come down on the side of hoax.

The guy that did this video is a known humorist. If you look around some of his videos, it becomes pretty evident that he's messing with peoples' heads. I mean, really, the guy told people that the reason their high defnintion speakers constructed from a paper plate and aluminum foil aren't sounding very good is because their penny "isn't shiny enough."

This guy knows his stuff. He takes some sound science and then twists it to hilarity. This blogger even claims that he spoke with Household Hacker, who owned up to the fact that his videos are just fakes for fun. This guy, who specializes in urban legends, agrees. It looks like your desert island listening will be limited to the coconut radio.

For what it's worth, I really wanted to try doing this, but my wife wouldn't let me use her iPod. Bummer.

Oh, and as far as living off of onions goes...you wouldn't make it for long. According to this site, onions offer a good amount of vitamin C and a few other trace nutrients, you're missing WAY too many things to live healthily. Vitamins, minerals...yeah, you'd die. But at least it wouldn't be from scurvy!

Question #41197 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why are these two medical symbols different? Do they mean different things?
Thank You.

~Texas Star

A: Dear Lone Star,

I never even noticed that those two were different symbols. I'm assuming you weren't meaning the blue star itself (which was explained on the site you linked us to), but that you were referring to the difference in the snake-staff thing.

Looking at the two of them, it's obvious that both involve a snake wrapped around a staff. The symbol with two snakes wrapped around a winged staff is actually called a caduceus. It is a Greek symbol used to refer to commerce, associated with Hermes. Interestingly enough, however, its use as a symbol of medicine is a complete mistake. I guess it's just the confusion that so naturally follows snakes wrapped around sticks.

The other symbol you sent us is the right one. Though it looks significantly less symmetrical (and thus less cool...I just have a thing for symmetry), the Rod of Asclepius (aka, the stick with one snake) is the true symbol of medicine. Named after Apollo's son that practiced medicine, it is anciently associated with healing the sick.

You can read about how the two got so mixed up here. Sad how the cooler symbol is actually just about selling stuff...oh well. Snakes on sticks are cool in general, I suppose...winged staff or not.

Question #41195 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear Fabulous 100 Hour Board,

Are social skills natural or do you learn them?
Thanks for your help!


A: Dear Kajio,

I'm going to say they're learned, for a couple of reasons. One is that a lot of minor social customs vary from culture to culture — if social skills are innate, then why doesn't everyone follow the same rules? Another reason is that little kids often do inappropriate social things for which they have to be corrected.

However, I think that the way we learn social skills (or the success we have in learning them) may be partly due to innate factors. For example, some people are naturally very socially observant, which means that if they touch on a taboo topic and everyone in a group stiffens, they're going to notice that, file it away for future reference, and alter their behavior accordingly. Other people, however, aren't as socially observant, so they may not notice it when they commit a social faux pas they've committed. Multiply these little incidents over a lifetime, and you'll end up with two people who have very different degrees of social skills, even if both had to learn them.

- Katya
A: Dear Kaijo-

If they're inborn, well... boy, did I get the short end of the stick.

Really, in my totally unqualified opinion, I also have to believe both elements are involved. Cultures vary, and different skill sets are learned within them; it's simply such pervasive learning (home, family, school, public, everywhere) that it just becomes part of you before you're even old enough to realize what's going on.

On the other hand, I feel that a lot of our natural dispositions (how outgoing we are, how inclined to seek out/avoid social situations, etc.) while affected by our environment, are with us from long ago. Probably pre-mortality, in my opinion.

So, while I feel I am a naturally introverted person and probably always will be, I've also taught myself (often forcibly) how to strike up conversations, talk to people, and generally not hide in the corner like I'd maybe prefer.

All I can say is, thank goodness for a mission. Changed my (social) life.

Question #41194 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

If the earth were to stop spining, and start rotating again 100mph slower, would we notice the diffence and get dizzy?

- The Machine Guy

A: Dear The Machine Guy,

You mean, after the world stopped spinning and we were all suddenly flung to the east at approximately 798 miles per hour (assuming we're all in Provo), after being crushed against the wall and flattened like little mosquitos that got too close to the cars on the freeway, after we were all turned into human pancakes... after all that, would we notice the difference?

Well, yes, but not from dizziness. More from being-dead-ness.

Oh, and if you somehow managed to not die, the sudden change from rotating at 798 mph to 0 mph and back up to 722 mph (note that 100 mph on the equator is approximately 76 mph in Provo) would certainly be noticed. Call it the worst dizzy spell you've ever had.

A: Dear Machine Guy-

All I know is that it would make the best movie ever.

Question #41191 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Hello all you Hundredhourbordians,

I just recently heard about some records in church headquarters that I didn't know of before. Apparently you can have a "record in Temple Square" if you're considered subversive to the church or are otherwise counteraffiaiated (I know you all love that word). Is there such a thing, and if so, what's it all about exactly?

I'm curious to hear your reply,

Silence DoBetter

A: Dear Silence ~

As with any large organization, the Church Security Department keeps on file those individuals who have made threats against the Church or its leaders or who have caused disturbances on Church property. Mama Sleuth wasn't aware of any other "list."

~ Dragon Lady
Question #41189 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My husband is a student at BYU and I get my insurance by being his wife. Since I am not a student, the insurance is pretty costly.

question:: if I took BYU independant study, would I be considered a student and then be eligable to get married student insurance?

- Poor but wealthy

A: Dear Rich Pauper,

Unfortunately, no. Board Question #37546 answers the question pretty well—you don't receive student status as an Independent Study student.

—Laser Jock
Question #41188 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear Yellow,

I have a friend who doesn't seem to believe me or the internet, and since she respects you, I was wondering if you could clear something up for us. What determines the sex of a baby--the sperm or environmental factors?

- (Kaneeneenie)

A: Dear Kaneeneenie,

According to Wikipedia, the sex of a baby is determined by the X or Y chromosome present in the sperm cell. According to every biology class I've ever had, the sex of a baby is determined by the X or Y chromosome present in the sperm cell. According to me, the sex of a baby is determined by the X or Y chromosome present in the sperm cell. According my mother, the sex of a baby is determined by the X or Y chromosome present in the sperm cell. According to Henry VIII... well, he blamed his wives for all the female offspring.

So I guess your friend has a choice: trust me, trust Henry VIII, or continue believing whatever they want to believe. But now you've got my view on it.

And if you're who I think you are and you asked this question for the reason I think you did, please allow me to roll my eyes at you. If you have any further questions, you know how to get in touch with me.

Question #41186 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What are the pros/cons of each season, as it relates to picking a wedding day?

-I love the flowers, I love the daffodils

Dear Reader,


Pros: Good weather for photographs and outdoor receptions.

Cons: Most popular time for weddings, so reception venues may be expensive or already booked.


Pros: Good weather for photographs and outdoor receptions.

Cons: Hot weather may be uncomfortable for people in formal attire.


Pros: Good weather for photographs and outdoor receptions.


Cons: Cold weather for outdoor photographs. Proximity to other major holidays may make wedding planning difficult.

Each season also has its own flower availability and color themes, and the severity of weather in various seasons will depend on the geographic location of the wedding.

- Katya
A: Dear I love the mountains, I love the rolling hills,

As a sweat-prone gent that got married in August in the midwest, I can attest to the fact that fewer things in the universe are more miserable than being in 90-something degree heat with high humidity wearing a tux.

On the other hand, our photos are beautifully green. Choose wisely.

Question #41185 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Out of all the off-campus places you have lived, what has been your favorite and why?

-Regency all the way. Good rooms, good people, great wards.

A: Dear Qu,

Where I'm living now. It's new, I have fantastic roommates, the ward is wonderful, and I'll never have to worry about scraping ice off my car! Not to mention that it's a really short walk to campus, so I save gas money every day.

A: Dear Regency,

Probably the place I live now. Of course, it's all sort of relative...since the last place I lived in had ceilings that were only a few inches taller than I am. That makes my current place seem like a palace.

The trouble with this question is that I don't feel too comfortable with revealing my location...sorry, but I like my anonymity.

But I've gotta tell you...Condo Row is sweet.

A: To Regency and Claudio,

Condo Row is, indeed, the bomb. Pretty (necessarily) vague, though. It's got nice places, a generally older population (in spots), and a fantastic location for those vehicularly-challenged among us.

A: Dear Regency,

Definitely the place where I am living right now. It is a house, and it is the coolest house in Provo. I get my own room with a king size bed, and there are three lovesacs downstairs, and a fireplace, and we have milk delivered on Monday mornings, and a car that can park in A lots. And we just got a Christmas tree yesterday.

Besides this wonderful place that is heaven in Provo, I have had a great time living in Miller Apartments. They're kind of ghetto, but the people who live there are awesome.


A: Dear I wonder if you were ever in my ward,

The Riviera 4-person apartments are far and away the most spacious apartments in Provo. While the management and location are less than optimal, the space (among other things) kept me there for three years. I had an amazing time living in Miller, but that was partly because it was summer term. (They have the best couches I've ever seen in Provo. Yes, that was the selling point for me.)

Question #41184 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What's your favorite meal that your mom (or dad or guardian, as the case may be) makes? And if you don't mind...what's the recipe?

-Carnivore Chef

A: Dear Carnivore,

This soup is my favourite thing that my mom makes.

A: Dear Carnivore,

OK, I have to make a disclaimer: everyone thinks their mom makes the best meatloaf and potato salad. Here's the cool thing, though: I'm lucky enough that my mom actually DOES make the best meatloaf and potato salad. Seriously.

1 lb. ground chuck
1 cup oatmeal
1 small onion chopped or 1 handful dried onions
1 egg
1 can tomato soup
1 T. Seasoned salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 t. Worcestershire sauce

Mix all together and put into a loaf pan. Cover top with ketchup. Bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Leftovers are great for a meatloaf sandwich. Oh my...so good.

Potato Salad
10 Boiled red potatoes (works OK with russets, though), peeled and cut into cubes
3 Boiled eggs
5 or 6 dill pickle spears, chopped
1/2 yellow onion, diced
1/2 to 1 cup Mayonnaise
Worcestershire sauce
Pickle juice

Yes, this recipe is very vague. Remember, the best cooks learn by doing, not measuring...so...consider this your chance to learn something new! Everything without a measurement by it can vary according to taste, so customize it as you will.

Mix potatoes in bowl with a little salt and pepper. Add eggs, pickles and onion. Put in enough mayo to desired consistency. Add a little mustard and a couple of teaspoons Worcestershire sauce. Add some pickle juice to loosen the consistency and add flavor. Salt & pepper to taste and chill before serving. Garnish with paprika to taste.

I challenge you with these recipes. You won't find any better.

And if you do...well, let me know. We can have a Battle Royale.

A: Dear WxrtHltl-jwlpklz,

My father's cornflake chicken. Ah! Heaven in your mouth. For serious. Unfortunately for you, it's sort of top-secret (but you can possibly maybe find the recipe in an old Betty Crocker cook book). We usually add rolls and some sort of vegetable to it to complete the meal.

A: Dear,

Lucky, lucky you! You get the recipe that's the highlight of Board Parties everywhere. Seriously, they won't let me stop making it. Yes, yes, it's my mom's
Broccoli Salad Supreme!

1/2 - 3/4 cups cashew halves
2 large broccoli bunches
1/2 lb bacon, fried crisp and crumbled
1/2 med. red onion, chopped finely
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms

3/4 cups mayonnaise
3 tbsp sugar
3 tbsp apple cider vinegar

Cut broccoli into bite-sized pieces. Mix with onion and mushroom in large bowl. Pour on dressing. Stir well. Marinate 2-4 hours in fridge. (The longer it goes, the better it tastes. When it's 2 or 3 days old, man I love it.) Add bacon and cashews just before serving.
By the way, if you're looking for good recipes to try, just search the archives for "recipe" I myself have a bunch more from friends and family in there, and so do other writers. It makes me want to take a month or two and try them all out. Maybe make a recipe book full of them. That'd be awesome.

-Uffish Thought
Question #41183 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I like to know things. Maybe that's why I ask so many questions here.

I have always wanted to know if there is a list of all those printer stations somewhere. Maybe online? I've never been able to find one, but it would sure be convenient for the times when I'm in a hurry and need to find a printer fast.

In the same vein, for those late-night study sessions with nothing to eat, is there a list of locations for all the on-campus vending machines?

-Got the Munchies and the Printies

A: Dear Muncher/Printer,

Printer Stations

Vending Machines


Question #41181 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

If you get called to jury duty in Utah, and you have to drive more than 52 miles to the courthouse, they will reimburse your mileage. Why 52? Isn't 50 a nice, round number for the cutoff point?

- pippin galadriel moonchild

A: Dear pgm,

Actually, it is 50 miles. From the Utah Code:
Section 78-46-28. Fees and mileage.
(1) Every juror and witness legally required or in good faith requested to attend a trial court of record or not of record or a grand jury is entitled to:
(a) $18.50 for the first day of attendance and $49 per day for each subsequent day of attendance; and
(b) if traveling more than 50 miles, $1 for each four miles in excess of 50 miles actually and necessarily traveled in going only, regardless of county lines.
—Laser Jock
Question #41179 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I had a nice Korean dinner where kimchi was served. Since kimchi is fermented, does it contain alcohol? If so, how much? Does the amount of alcohol in kimchi compare to that in beer?

- Dizzy

A: Dear Dizzy (Gillespie?)-

Wow, guess who learned more about fermentation than ever they ever thought necessary?

Okay, so fermentation is a much broader term than I think we credit it for. Yes, it's mostly used for alcohol, but all the definitions I find refer generally to "the energy-yielding anaerobic metabolism of a nutrients, such as sugars, without oxidation. Fermentation converts these nutrients mainly into lactic acid, acetic acid, and ethanol." Note that there are several different kinds of fermentation, and not all of them involve ethanol.

Specifically for Kimchi, Lactobacillus is the microorganism that facilitates fermentation, and its primary role is to turn sugars into lactic acid, which gives Kimchi its characteristic sour taste. The same process also brings us yogurt, cheese, sourdough bread, sauerkraut, and pickles, none of which are known for making people tipsy, but all of which are known for being delicious.

So, as far as I can tell, your Korean food is safe and won't keep you out of the temple or whatnot. Any dizziness or drunken feelings are probably the workings of your own mind.

Question #41178 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I've been dating a guy for a few months now and it's fairly serious. His birthday AND christmas are coming up soon (different days) and I'm not sure what to do for them. Should I spent a lot of money? (i.e. skiing, clothes) Or do something simple and thoughtful? (but I don't know how to make anything crafty) I just want to make it good. Ayudame...

- la novia

A: Dear novia,

Board Question #11895, Board Question #12444, Board Question #21181, Board Question #32075, Board Question #32579, and Board Question #41177 all have advice for buying presents for various holidays. For his birthday, I'd recommend something more personal, like a picture of the two of you or a book you think he'd like. For Christmas, you can make it more general, like a gift certificate to a good restaurant, a warm scarf, or a ninja catapult. (Come on, who wouldn't want a ninja catapult for Christmas?)

Other than that, I think that Claudio's got the right idea in Board Question #41177: Don't worry about spending a ton of money or finding the exact perfect gift because guys (stereotypically) don't care as much about presents as girls do, and I'm sure he loves you enough not to want you stressing out over something which isn't a big deal to him.

- Katya
Question #41177 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have never dated anyone close to Christmas before. I need some ideas of something that I could get my boyfriend for Christmas. We have been dating only a few months so far. Any ideas?

- Inexperienced Gift Giver

A: Dear Irma,

Pick out a yummy cologne or some clothes for him. This way you have control over what he wears. Good deal, huh?

-Kicks and Giggles
A: Dear K&G,

Yummy? I can't describe any cologne or perfume I've ever experienced as palatable.

If you're looking for that, you should get a bottle of vanilla. Oooh, or BBQ sauce! Cologne of kings!

Dear Inexperienced,

Just get him something fun. First off, no guy I know really puts THAT much stock into gifts. I mean, you'll probably sit and analyze the thought he put into it and what all the real secret meanings that he didn't know about are.

He, on the other hand, will be slathering everything with BBQ sauce.

Everyone wins.

Question #41176 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have been looking for a place I can download or purchase games from the LucasArts adventure game series (monkey island, indiana jones, sam and max...). Where? Please help!

- Yeld

A: Dear,

I learned something new today. This game is called "abandonware" which basically means that it's not really being sold anymore, and it's unlikely that anyone will be too upset if you download it somewhere. It's not technically legal, and as such, I don't officially endorse it. But if you're okay with getting a slightly-less-than-perfectly-legal copy, I've got a solution for you. You can get your fix by downloading this SCUMM program, and then by going here to get Monkey Island. Navigate around the site to look for other games.

By the way, you have excellent taste, looking for the Secret of Monkey Island. It's a fantastic game. I can't recommend it highly enough.

-Uffish Thought
Question #41175 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My wife is in labor! What should I do?!

- The Sleepless Hoosier

A: Dear Sleepless in Indiana,

Wait until the contractions are 5 minutes apart, then take her to the hospital.

-=Optimus Prime=-
A: Dear you,

What?! You're married? Why didn't I know about this?

A: Dear Hoosier,

I pray this is a joke. Because if the first thing that came to mind was "Quick! I have to ask the Board! Hold on, honey!"...well, you may need some sort of twelve step program.

A: Dear Claudio,

You have now joined the ranks of my favorite writers. Just so you know. I laughed rather audibly when I read your answer.

Question #41173 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Considering copyright laws, why is it "okay" for people to give cds of all their favorite songs as wedding favors?

- Ivy Halls

A: Dear Ivy,

It's not any more/less "okay" than violating copyright in any other form, i.e. offering songs to be downloaded from your computer. It's just highly unlikely that an RIAA goon will be in attendance and attempt to prosecute you for it.

Question #41171 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have a question for a female writer. I'm a male, but I've started shaving in non-traditionally male shaving spots, (nuff said). I was just curious how women keep from itching/getting a rash, because it is really making my life miserable. Is there a secret I don't know, or is it just that the skin gets used to it after a while?


A: Dear Ted,

Lotion helps. Uh, good luck with all that.

-Kicks and Giggles
A: Dear TMI-

As a confirmed Dude, it may blatantly violate your premise that this is a question to the ladies, but I thought as one who has dabbled in Manscaping from time to time that I'd do you a solid. Here's what I've got:

Topical solutions.
-As suggested by K&G, lotion is definitely not a bad idea. Shaving dries the skin. Dry skin itches. It's possibly a factor.
-You may even have to resort to some sort of aftershave to prevent irritation.
-Gold bond is amazing. It's... tingly.

Buy an electric clipper.
I have a mini version of what you might see used on someone's head hair. It's dubbed "Man's Best Friend" (you think you have TMI going on...). If you're going for a full-on shave, it's best to clip the hair down to a very short stubble first, just as you might if you were shaving off a beard. It helps you get closer.

Use shaving cream.
This can help prevent razor burn. And believe me, you do NOT want razor burn.

-Shave with the grain. Sometimes you won't get as close, but do a second round against the grain if you insist. Going in the direction the hair grows prevents ingrowns. Again, avoid that road at all costs.
-Use a fresh, sharp blade.
-Don't push too hard.
-Take your time.

If these don't solve your problems, it may just be the fact that when hair grows back in, especially in areas under clothing, it itches. It just does. A large portion of the irritation you experience is probably from you yourself scratching it. Your skin will probably adapt over time and repeated shavings, but if it doesn't get better, you may just have to abandon the practice. Your sheets won't feel quite as phenomenal against your bare legs, but at least you won't be miserable. Try using that mini-clipper to just trim instead; it's more easily maintained, approximates whatever hygienic buzz you're getting now, and there's much less risk involved.

I'm with you, brother. Good luck out there.

Wow, my first week with the Board and everyone is reading this. Fantastic...

-Foreman the Hopefully Still Manly
A: Dear Timmy,

To add on to Foreman's manly shaving tips, I would throw this out:

I recently discovered shaving in the shower. MY FACE, thank you for asking. But seriously, after washing my face, I just do my razor thing, and you know what? I've never had a smoother shave. No shaving cream required! And I'm a guy that HATES to shave because of how much pain it causes me. I have sensitive skin and usually end up bleeding from at least one cut when I shave. But doing it in the shower without cream? No problems.

Of course, that doesn't contribute to your itchiness...but hey, for what it's worth.

If you're going really hardcore, you might consider waxing. It itches less as it grows back and requires less-frequent upkeep.


Question #41170 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear awesome tall people

I am 5'3 and quite worried about my height. I am way passed the age of growth for women.My question is, will i ever grow taller? maybe if i meditate hard enough? or maybe somehow apply "the secret(law of attraction)" in this?

people keep telling me that "good things" come in small packages.. well its getting quite lame now. although, i do appreciate their consolations. I play lots of sports and a few inches would make a world of difference.

-insecure short little fool seeking more than just conventional answer from giddy board writers.

p.s. some of you remind me of lorelai from gilmore girls sometimes.

p.s.2 if you're gonna try and convince me that 5'3 is a good height.. then forget it. If you werent gonna, then this little comment would seem a little pathetic

A: Dear an inch shorter than me,

I am not tall, but I can tell you that my mother grew an inch after she had me. It's rare to grow as an adult, but obviously not impossible. Don't become pregnant just to grow taller, though.

Dark Chocolate
A: Dear Irma,

That's what they made stilettos and all other kinds of heels for. Have fun, madear!

-Kicks and Giggles, who does not have your problem but still enjoys wearing high-heeled shoes
A: Dear insecure ~

I'm not going to try to convince you that 5'3" is a good height. Rather, I'm just going to be offended that you think it's such an awful height. I rather enjoy being 5'3" thank you very much. This is like having girls that are smaller than me complain that they're fat. How am I supposed to respond to that since I am obviously bigger than they are?

(Ok, I'm not really offended. It takes much more than that to offend me.)

How to get tall? Well, Brother Jr. is the tallest in my family. My parents claim he got that way because my mom would stand on Brother Jr.'s feet while my dad would kick him in the pants. I can't see that being an enjoyable experience for anyone, let alone a grown adult.

Isn't there something in Alice in Wonderland about getting tall? Something about Eat Me? Or was it Drink Me... Either way, I think Alice learned her lesson that it's simply better to be happy with your current height.

~ Dragon Lady
A: Dear insecure etc.,

After suffering through high school and most of college at a tortuous 5'4", I succeeded in my early 20s at increasing my height to a respectable 5'5". It was not a measuring error; I absolutely grew. How did I do it? Sheer willpower. I also willed myself dimples and naturally darker hair. So that's what I recommend. Will yourself to be tall...think...think...think...straighten your spine, and let yourself grow, grow, GROW!

Please let us know if it works.


The Cleaning Lady
A: Dear,

Have you seen the movie Gattaca? That could work for you, if you can find someone to do it.

-Uffish Thought

P.S. I was gonna. And now your second postscript isn't pathetic.
Question #41169 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Haircuts are tricky things. I have been to Paul Mitchell, Dallas Roberts, Bon Losee, and Renaissance Academie and I have yet to find someone who is skilled at trimming my rather thick Asian hair. Most recently I left looking like a bald-guy with a ten day chia pet growth on my head: even, but amorphic.

What should I be looking for in a... hair... person... stylist... Ooo got it! BARBER?

- (The Sleepless Hoosier)

A: Dear you,

Now, now. It's not quite that bad! Allow me to recommend to you that you stop going to beauty schools. I hear the BYU barber shop's pretty good, and you could probably trust places like Walmart with your hair. Of course, there's always my hair salon, but that would require a weekend trip.

Don't worry. It'll grow back.

A: Dear George,

My stylist/barber/hair cutter person is pretty awesome, though pricier than a school. She's also my best friend, so I recommend her on many levels. If you want her business card info, shoot me an email. kicks dot and dot giggles at theboard dot byu dot edu.

-Kicks and Giggles
Question #41168 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

First of all I want to say you all are awesome. I have been an avid reader of the board for nearly a year despite the fact that I've never been a BYU student, nor a member of The Church. I started reading the board about the same time I started studying The Book of Mormon. I haven't been a church goer for the majority of my life, but I've always been aware of my personal relationship with God. While reading The Book of Mormon and some of the other scriptures, I discovered a sense of clarity and understanding of God's plan that had previously been absent to me. I do have several questions I would like to discuss with someone more knowledgable than myself, and having no LDS friends or family I can consult, I'm not sure where I should turn. Is it possible to request a visit from a missionary (I assume there are some working in Ohio), or would I be best in attending my local worship service and meeting members that way?

Thank you for your help!


A: Dear Matthias,

I've gotta say I respect you deeply for your initiative here. You can request the missionaries visit you by going to this link and filling out your contact information, or by attending your local worship service (you should find missionaries and/or the congregation's mission leader [who can make sure you meet the missionaries] there, and trust me, they'll find you if you go to a meeting on your own).

If you'd like to talk to a regular joe member, feel free to email me (kicks dot and dot giggles at theboard dot byu dot edu).

-Kicks and Giggles
A: Dear Mattress ~

If you don't know where the closest LDS meetinghouse is, you can look here. It will not only give you the address, but also a map, directions and times of the service. Church is a three-hour block, the main meeting being Sacrament Meeting. Some wards (the congregation) have Sacrament Meeting at the beginning of the three-hour block, while some have it at the end. This website will tell you what time the three-hour block starts as well as what time Sacrament Meeting starts. If you click on the name of the ward/congregation, it will take you to that ward's website where you will be able to see local events hosted by that particular ward. It should also have the phone numbers for the office and the foyer of the meetinghouse, in case you'd like to call beforehand. (Warning: the phone in the foyer can be answered by any person walking down the hall, so you may or may not talk to someone who is actually helpful. I would suggest calling the office. Your best bet to get someone to answer there is to call on a Sunday.)

~ Dragon Lady
Question #41167 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was wondering which show has more viewers, "The Office" or "30 Rock". I couldn't find it anywhere...do you know?

- Just a little curious

A: Dear curious

TV ratings are generally referred to as the Nielsen Ratings, because they are compiled by Nielsen Media Research. The system is flawed, especially with the advent of TIVOs and DVRs, because it only rates viewers during the time the show airs. Online viewing and recorded viewings are not factored in.

However, using the flawed system, The Office has more viewers. Last year, 30 Rock averaged 5.8 million viewers, while The Office averaged 8.3 million viewers. Neither show is doing wildly different in the ratings this season. For instance, on Thursday, November 15 The Office had 8.86 million viewers, while 30 Rock had 6.47 million.

Incidentally, those numbers are not great. They're not even all that good. It's just the best NBC can muster on Thursday night. NBC used to dominate Thursday night television, to the level that other networks were scared to try new programs on Thursdays, knowing that NBC was a juggernaut with its "Must See TV." NBC's dominance started in the 1980s with shows like Cheers (which averaged 18-20 million viewers) and The Cosby Show (which averaged almost 30 million viewers) and kept going until Seinfeld (which averaged 18-20 million viewers) and Friends (which averaged about 25 million viewers during its run) and went off the air. NBC's programming chiefs took for granted that people had a habit of watching their channel on Thursday night, and didn't bother putting quality shows on in between their hit shows (there were lots and lots of shows that were tried out in the half hour slots between Friends, Seinfeld, and ER, and when those hit shows ended, they didn't have anything to replace them with, and lo and behold, viewers stopped watching NBC on Thursday nights. Slowly the network is trying to rebuild its Thursday night sitcom reputation, but it's got a long uphill battle. At the same time that The Office was garnering 8.86 million viewers on November 15, CSI was getting 21.29 million viewers on CBS, and Grey's Anatomy was getting 19.28 million viewers on ABC.

-Humble Master
A: Dear Thumble Master,

Nielsen does keep track of recorded viewings. See Board Question #38102.

-=Optimus Prime=-
A: Dear Optimus Prime

My understanding is that though they're beginning to track DVR usage, it's not as good as the quality of the standard ratings. The DVR ratings are being reported, but not as part of the normal Nielsen Ratings. The weekly ratings provided about the top viewed shows do not take DVR recordings or viewings into account because those numbers are for networks to be able to set ad rates for advertisers, and advertisers don't want to count DVR viewings because people skip commercials. There's still some controversy about it, so maybe there have been some developments I'm not aware of.

It was only this year that Nielsen began attempting to track DVR views, and it should be noted that The Office had the highest percentage jump of any show when adding DVR viewers to standard viewers.

-Humble Master
Question #41166 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What percentage of the land on earth has a land-based antipode? That is, for how much of the land on earth, if you were to dig a tunnel through the center of the planet, would you end your tunnel on the land? My calculations have ranged from about 20% to 40%. I know there are weaknesses in my method that I haven't accounted for and I'd like a more authoritative number.

- Not Planning Anything, No Sir.

A: Dear Non-schemer-

Well, this shoots all of my childhood "dig a tunnel to China" plans right to heck, now doesn't it? Unless I start in Chile, I guess...

Actually, your estimate, low as it may seem, is way too high. By an order of magnitude, on the upper end. According S.K. Runcorn in Continental Drift (quoted in "Antipodal Location of Continents and Oceans," Rory Thompson (April 1967). Science, 156, 263-264)(Since it's such a fancy bona fide scholarly source, I thought I'd put the whole citation), "only 4 percent of the area of the continent is antipodal to continent." For a visual representation of that, check out the Wikipedia article's illustration. I'm amazed by this seemingly stunningly low number.

If whatever project you're not planning is supposed to originate in the States, good luck. The entire lower 48 are about as completely lacking in antipodes as you can get. For instance, a tunnel begun here in Provo would put you right in the southern Indian Ocean, about the latitude of New Zealand. For more non-devious-planning fun, check out this site. It's seriously awesome.

Question #41165 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In Season two of the Office, in the episode where Dwight has to give a speech, Creed says something in Chinese to the camera. What does he say?

- Anonymous

A: Dear anonymous,

According to the script on Twiztv.com, the line is, "Creed: I'd like to say hi to my friends in China. (in Chinese) Wode zhongguode pengyou nihao. (Translation: To all my friends in China, Hello.)"

I think I speak for everyone here when I wish the writers luck in ending the strike, so they can get back to filming more episodes of The Office. If only for more great Creed lines. That guy is hilarious.

Question #41164 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Part of my calling is to help people in my ward find jobs and housing. Many ward members are either graduated or are non-students for other reasons. However, I feel as though I've already exhausted some of the more obvious resources. I already have the BYU and UVSC job listings, as well as the ones for the Church. Where else can I look?

Also, for finding housing in a house ward, is there any way to search for it online, or is it pretty much who you know? I knocked doors to find my place...

-House Hunter

A: Dear House Hunter,

First, I'd like to say that that is probably the weirdest calling I've ever heard about. But you are supposed to do what you are called to do, so good for you. I know that both housing listings and job opportunities are available in the Daily Universe (as well as any other local paper) or on sites like Craig's List. Have you tried doing much with those resources? I just took a quick look on Craig's List and noticed a good few ads. I know that I've see lots advertised in the local papers as well. I'd give them a try!

A: Dear Hunter,

Hmm. Did you go to my high school? Anyway.

Jobwise, to do some of these people any good, you may have to be a little specialized. Find out their specific fields and play Board writer by talking to professors on campus or other people who are already working in those fields who might be able to offer some suggestions of resources for those particular jobs.

As far as housing, if it's a regular house ward, there are MLS (Multiple Listing Service) listings for free online, you can browse those (linked is just one example). They aren't nearly as comprehensive (and maybe not quite as reliable) as the MLS listings a Realtor would have, but for what you want, it may be a pretty good resource. These are mostly houses, I think, so as Krishna said, try out Craigslist, as well, which may be more helpful with things like basement apartments or other more specialized options.

Question #41163 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Do you guys ever advertise, or is it purely word of mouth? I can't remember how I heard about the board.


A: Dear Boarder,

We have been known to do some advertising and promotional work in the past, but we currently find that we have more than enough work to keep us busy without it.

- Katya
Question #41161 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I remember recently (within the last year or two) hearing Jeffrey R. Holland give a talk in which he shares the story of his father being called to teach Sunday School. His father was inactive at the time. The story ended with a comment like: "they came to find a Sunday school teacher and they found an Apostle."

Please help me locate this talk; I have spent more than a few hours trying to locate it.

Tom Hatch

A: Dear Tom,

I've spent a good deal of time looking for it, too, and there doesn't seem to be any record of it on the Church website, Gospelink, BYU speech archives, or anywhere else on the internet. In the process of searching, though, I was able to learn a little more about Elder Holland's earlier life, which makes me wonder if he was the one who gave this talk. It seems that he had a pretty standard LDS childhood. He makes references to the church building he attended as a youth, and specifically references his baptism and church attendance. By the time he left on his mission to England shortly after high school, his father was definitely active, as Elder Holland's parents also accepted a call to serve in England while their son was still there. So, even if his father was inactive at some point in his childhood, it doesn't seem to have effected his early church activity in a way that the story about his father would imply, although I suppose it's possible that Elder Holland was referring to someone else's experience in his talk.

So, assuming that it was Elder Holland who gave this talk, do you remember the context of it at all? I'm beginning to think that it must have been to a smaller audience, such as a stake or regional conference, otherwise it would have shown up in one of our searches. Sorry I couldn't find more!

A: Dear Tom,

I agree with Hermia. He hasn't spoken at BYU or any CES firesides in the recent past, and I manually scanned his general conference talks back through 2004, with nothing close. I'm also thinking it must have been to a smaller audience, if it was he who gave the talk. Perhaps one of our readers will recognize the talk and submit a comment.

—Laser Jock
Question #41160 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm in desperate need of a new cell phone. My phone has had problems with it since I got it (less than a year ago), and recently additional things have started happening: people can barely hear me when I talk on it--it sounds like I'm standing 10 feet away from the phone trying to talk to them, and the phone won't turn off unless the battery runs out. I don't have a land line, so I actually do need this phone. I have a plan with Sprint which, again, is less than a year old, so getting out of that contract (or extending it) is not really an option. Sprint says the problems aren't under warranty, so they won't do anything for me other than offer to sell me a new phone at an exorbitant rate. My little brother found a great refurbished Blackberry Pearl for $50 on the AT&T web site, something which I was hoping to do, but Sprint doesn't sell refurbished phones. I don't necessarily need internet or a camera, but I want a phone which will be decent and not huge. I've looked at a few places on line, but they've either been sketchy or expensive. Plus, one of the sights I looked at said that their unlocked phones won't work with Sprint's plans for some reason. Something about the SIM card and GSM technology. I don't even know what that means. I didn't really understand it and I really don't want to end up with a phone that won't work with my carrier. Anyway...do you guys have any suggestions--sites I can go to, anything like that?


A: Dear Communication-Less,

I have a few options for you! I recently managed to kill my phone and had to get a new one. I entertained a few different possibilities while trying to decide what to do in order to get a new phone.

1. Find a used Sprint phone. You can sometimes find them at different phone stores around Provo (I would try one of the phone stores at the mall). You could also try buying one off somewhere like Craig's List so that you could meet up with someone and look at the phone before buying it. I went to Craig's List and typed in Sprint phone and got several listings! Or, if you have a friend who has a used Sprint phone perhaps someone would be willing to give one to you.

2. Depending on what type of plan you have you could possibly switch to a Sprint Family Plan. Now hold on and hear me out before you debunk this option! All you have to do is switch to an inexpensive family plan. You'll get a new phone number but you'll also get to keep your old number. This would allow you to be eligible to get a new phone with all of the discounts and rebates that they can offer you with a new plan. Then all you have to do is to put your old phone number with the new phone and just never use the second line. However, with this plan you will have to renew your contract.

3. Another option that was available would be to buy a slightly used phone at the Sprint store. When I went there they offered me 50% off of a phone that had been bought, used, and then returned within the 30 days because the person decided against it. However, this also requires you to extend your contract.

That's all I've got! Hopefully one of those will work for you.

Question #41159 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

So I don't know how many of you read the police beat, but every so often there is a snippet about some man who calls random girls at BYU telling them he is doing a psychology project. And then talks to them about something... I'm not really clear on what.
And I think I even read one where the roomate came home and the girl was like passed out on the floor or seomthing.
My question: What the heck is this guy doing? Why is he doing it? And do you have any insider information about it?

Mystified in Mesquite

A: Dear Mystified,

The callers are trying to hypnotize the girls over the phone, apparently for kicks (though phone harassment is a Class B misdemeanor). Many of the incidents end with sexually oriented questions. You can read a bit more about it on the Board in Board Question #8333, Board Question #8469, and Board Question #37567. Several incidents were reported in the Police Beat, including on May 26th, 2004 and July 11, 2007 (possibly the one you remember).

There is also a story from the Daily Universe with quite a bit of information (3 November 2004), and a more recent reminder of what to do about such calls in the Police Beat (October 12, 2007 Police Beat). The basic advice the police give is to report suspicious calls (of any kind) to the police, and stay on the line no longer than necessary. (See the links for more information.)

—Laser Jock
Question #41158 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I realize that it would differ from horse to horse, but how many bales of hay does an average horse eat daily? I saw some bales being transported over the holiday and was struck with a bout of curiosity.
Thank you for any and all information in advance.

Wondering (who thinks it must be very expensive indeed in both bales and space to shelter a horse through the winter)

A: Dear Ysabell,

Sister Janeway says, depending on the horse, anywhere between one and two bales of hay per day per horse. It also depends on if you're supplementing their diet with anything, because if you are then they won't eat as much hay as they otherwise would.

Question #41156 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My older brother and I make movies. Cool, right? Of course right. We've recently been posting them on youtube. There becoming popular and people are asking us what to type in on youtube to find us and our movies. We need a new name, and we can't think of one, all were coming up with is Space Goats(which is pretty awesome). We need your wisdom! Help us find a name for our genius! Any recommendations are welcome.

thank you 100 hour board!

Editor's Note: This question was edited to remove self-promotional references. The Board is a Q&A forum, not an Ad Board, folks. Just a friendly reminder.

A: Dear Grag Ardent,

I don't know how I feel about you promoting your own work on our website. Just sayin'.

A: Dear You're Welcome,

To second Azriel, we're not a product placement site. Savvy attempt, though.

All I can do in this regard is come up with names that I think would be good for a band. As such, here are some names I think would rock:

Sneezing Trees
Maple State Academy
Hopscotch Football
Black Hole Cobbler
The Gestalts

Yeah, that's about it. Any bands seeking sweet names are welcome to these as well. Or you can steal one from Dave Barry.

I would SO listen to a band called Groping for Elmo.

-Claudio, who once named a band after a math term

A: Fear Anything for You,

Top 5 Unique Names Sure to Stick in People's Heads and Also Be Easy to Remember:

5. Seventeen Split Seven Sven's Spittle
4. John Smith
3. Dreamworks...that's catchy
2. CucumberQuadalachi...it's so simple, so easy to remember...if only you could get some free advertising through a heavily trafficked website, it just might take off...
1. AISLFdh*&#^$871327460*&(^(*&uigJHGBkje fK HEIWHL RkhlearhLK*(*8888:jlk >aeLKJH :) ;)

A: Dear you're welcome,

Attack Raccoons. Or Elvish Sleeping Trolls.

-Humble Master
Question #41155 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm in a bit of a dither, you see. I need to find an abnormal or otherwise disturbing group of people that...

1. doesn't have an existing wikipedia page
2. is technical enough to find somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen scholarly sources about
3. has some accessible (local would be nice too) representative/authority on the subject that I could email or interview

Know of any weirdos that come to mind? Oh, and something a little less vague than English professors or people like that would be nice.


Gus Pike

A: Dear Gus,

I'm afraid the only person that comes to my mind is Georges Barrere. Nancy Toff wrote his biography recently, so she would be an expert you could e-mail. He doesn't have an existing Wikipedia page, and a google scholar search yielded over 100 articles. So... he's not a group of people, but there are a lot of famous flutists out there who have no Wikipedia page (your use of the singular in your last sentence led me to believe one person might work).

A: Dear Gus,

I suggest that you choose a group of people who share a similar hobby, such as knitters or book collectors. Wikipedia usually has articles about a hobby, but not about the people who engage in the hobby, and then you can just contact a local yarn store or used book store to talk to an "expert." Worldcat is a good source for finding books and articles on the topic.

I'm sorry if these topics are still too general, but I really can't think of a more specific group that's been adequately covered in journals but not on Wikipedia.

- Katya
Question #41154 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

The Flag was at half staff yesterday. Does anyone know why?

- Forever curious

A: Dear Forever Young,

According to BYU's main page yesterday, it was at half-staff to honor BYU student Wesley Ryan Anderson, who died of heart failure. You can find his obituary in the November 25th Daily Herald, or online here.

—Laser Jock
Question #41153 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I realize that there have been a few places in Provo where Bubble Tea is sold, however recently these places from what I can tell are gone. Is there a place in Provo that sells that stuff or what?

Don't tell me Munchies or The Breakroom because both are closed down. I need to conquer my Bubble Tea Craving.

Severely Bubble Tea Deprived,


A: Dear Saint Riz,

I don't know where it might be sold, but check THIS out: you can make your own! While they do encourage you to use their own brand of mixes, etc., I don't think any of this stuff is that hard to find.

You know, I have to have respect for a product that actually encourages you to make your own.

A: Dear STIRZ,

Just in case the instructions on the website aren't enough for you, you can always order from their online store.


Question #41152 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

dear 100 board,

where is the most comfortable place to watch the devotional on campus? (taking into account leg room, softness of chairs, lighting, etc.) thank you.

- bismark

A: Dear George,

I like the JSB auditorium. Try to get a seat on the end of a row where you can stick your legs out.

-Kicks and Giggles
A: Dear bismark,

Sometimes I like to watch it via BYUTV on my laptop with headphones in a comfy chair in the library, JFSB, or wherever I can find a nice place to sit.

- steen
A: Dear bismark,

The dorms. Only $600-some-odd per month!

Question #41151 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

A friend and I were discussing eating disorders today. I recall hearing (unfortunately, I don't know where) that BYU has a higher rate of eating disorders than the average rate at American universities.

If this is true, why do you suppose it is? My thought is that perhaps people have eating disorders instead of drinking or drug problems, which are more common at other universities. Do you think this could be the case?

- some girl

A: Dear some girl,

While I'm not sure that BYU has a higher incidence of eating disorders than other universities, I can see why one would think it might. Since we are at a religious university with a religious culture, there is a lot of pressure not to sin. Some might even call this pressure to be "perfect." So there are probably more people with problems of perfectionism at BYU than other universities, just because it is so much of a focus in our culture. Perfectionism in spirit is associated with perfectionism in body, which might result in eating disorders. It might be a long shot, but that's my guess.

-The Supershrink
A: Dear some girl,

Actually, the author of this thesis found that BYU has a lower incidence of eating disorders than most universities, which renders your question moot.

- Katya
Question #41150 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

After police have examined all the evidence from a crime scene, who usually cleans up all the blood and guts?

- Pirate Pants, who thinks that would be a terrible job to have

A: Dear Pirate Pants,

A guy in my parents' neighborhood/stake is a crime-scene clean up guy. You should look it up.

- steen
Question #41149 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I need a life. Where do I go about getting one?

- :D

A: Dear bored,

Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts.

A: Dear Wee Mad Arthur,

Try Walmart.

Question #41148 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Do babies breathe in the womb? If not, how do they know to keep their mouths shut?

- Pirate Pants

A: Dear arrrr-ziiip,

Babies are suspended in amniotic fluid in the womb, and that fluid penetrates their little lungs as well. They don't use their lungs to take in oxygen until birth. They receive oxygen and nutrients and expel waste exclusively through the umbilical cord. Aren't placentas great?

A: Dear PP (tee hee),

Also, as is implied, babies do NOT keep their mouths closed in the womb. They are constantly sucking down the amniotic fluid. In fact, babies often have their first bowel movement before they are born - meaning that they suck that down, too, and it all has to be sucked out of them when they are born. Icky, huh?

The Cleaning Lady
Question #41147 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I found out I cannot work during the holiday break since I work on campus at UVSC. Do you know of any places or people that would let me work for a couple weeks during that break? Or do you know how I can find out about some work opportunities? I can't go three weeks without any income. I'd be willing to travel as far as Salt Lake City if the pay was good enough. Thanks

A: Dear nameless one,

According to this Daily Herald article, temp jobs and holiday positions are gonna be a little harder to come by this year, but not impossible. You can join with a grocery, retailer, or restaurant. The article mentions that packaging and shipping positions are good money. I remember getting a job as a package sorter in my local post office for the holiday rush in 2002... $10.25 an hour. That's like $11.50 now. Good money for temp work. You should make some calls and find out who needs you.

A: Dear Job-Seeker:

Last Christmas break, I worked at a Wet Seal in Salt Lake. I walked in, and I had a temporary job. The mall is one of the few places where you have a chance of finding seasonal work like that.

Question #41146 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

so reading is a passion of mine. i have read a lot of classics and i like classics but i also like reading current fiction. my only problem is i've had to throw away the last three books i bought because they were dirty (example: water for elephants, the mermaid chair). it would either have appalling language or too many inappropriate scenes.

i like reading clean stuff but i don't want to read crappy lds fiction either or young adult books. do you either know how i can find out about how clean novels are (like with movies you can go to screenit.com) or do you have any clean novels to recommend for me?

- Anonymous

A: Dear Creative Pseudonym:

Lucky for you, I asked almost the exact same question in my readership days. At this point, the best you'll get is book reviews, unless you can convince CPM to start up such a website.

As to book recommendations: I don't know which classics you have read. Here are some that aren't always as widely read. I can't praise Persuasion by Jane Austen highly enough. It is both short and believable. Watership Down is about a rabbit civilization, and is a lot more enjoyable than that description might make it sound. The Count of Monte Cristo is exciting. If you like reading plays, The Importance of Being Earnest is short and fun. Little-known Shakespearean works can be a joy: The Comedy of Errors has the romps of a sitcom, and All's Well that Ends Well is a fairy tale gone wrong.

As to more contemporary literature, I often have better luck with non-fiction. I devoured Exploring Consciousness in one day. (What? Not everyone likes textbook-level neuroscientific works? Hmmm.) The Black Swan and Freakonomics and Pledged were all interesting to me, but various degrees of not G-rated. (Especially that last one. Hoo boy.)

I laughed really hard at Dave Barry's Dave Barry Slept Here, which would count as contemporary fiction, but it has some degree of innuendo. I'm not sure how sensitive you are to such things: I would say I am moderately so.

[For other readers: I enjoy young adult fiction, even if Anonymous doesn't: some excellent examples are Things Not Seen by Andrew Clements, and When My Name was Keoko by Linda Sue Park.]

Hopefully those give you some starting ideas. You should send me an email if you want to discuss particular genres I have missed. I have to admit, most of my forays into contemporary adult fiction have not been too successful, for the same reasons you mention. It seems to happen more often than not. You could always try books like The Notebook: they're not dirty, I don't think, but that's just crappy non-LDS fiction, in my opinion.

Happy reading!

Question #41145 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

About when do you think the Prince Caspian trailer will come out? I've heard rumors that it will be soon, and I'm really excited.

- Lucy the Valiant

A: Dear Grag Bashfull Bashfullsson,

I haven't heard anything about it yet, but I did see a poster for the movie at the theater the other day when I went.

A: Dear Lucy

There has been no official word from Disney about when the trailer will be released. There were lots of rumors that it would be attached to Enchanted, but I saw that and it wasn't attached (really entertaining movie though). The movie was originally scheduled for this December, but was then pushed back to May. Typically you see trailers six months in advance (sometimes longer, up to a year in advance for movies expected to get huge buzz), so it should be coming along some time soon.

-Humble Master
Question #41144 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I've heard that in order for an electric shock to be deemed "electrocution", it must be fatal. I had always thought it just meant a pretty bad shock, or maybe a specific type, but I'm sure I can remember hearing people talk, in the past tense, about being electrocuted (thereby being alive to relate the experience). Granted, my main example of this is a minor character from So I Married An Axe Murderer, but still. I guess the question is, is this definition of electrocution wrong, or have I just been hearing people use the word incorrectly?

- Darren Peter Oswald's twin brother, Lee Harvey

A: Dear jello biafra,

What you've heard recently is correct. The Random House Unabridged Dictionary cites this etymology: [Origin: 1885–90, Americanism; electro- + (exe)cute]. The very word itself means a fatality by means of electricity.

A non-fatal electrocution would be correctly referred to as an "electric shock." Or a "taze." Bro.

A: Dear Mr. Oswald,

Of seven references sources at Dictionary.com, six gave definitions which involved death, while one (the Kernerman English Multilingual Dictionary) gave a definition which involved death or injury. The Oxford English Dictionary likewise includes only definitions involving death.

I searched Google News for the word "electrocuted." Of the first 50 articles, only three used the word in a way which did not imply death. The first — "Electrocuted workers from Red Deer recovering" — used the word "electrocuted" in the headline, but "electric shock" in the article, itself, so the headline usage may be attributable to telegraphic style. The second — "elephants electrocuted to death in India" — implies that it's possible to be electrocuted not "to death," but the story comes from an international edition of a French newspaper, and may not have been written by a native English speaker. However, the third — "researchers report on a 54-year-old hydro worker who lost both arms after being electrocuted" — unequivocally refers to someone as having been electrocuted and not having died.

Interestingly, in researching your question, I came across another article which addresses this very issue. In The vote was 4-2, James J. Kilpatrick says:
A few weeks ago, when I was deep in a high and mighty mode, I poked fun at the author of a memorable headline in Asheville, N.C. The headline read, "Crane Operator Electrocuted, in Critical Condition."

Ho, ho, I chortled, someone who is "electrocuted" is not just in critical condition. Gentle reader, that guy is D-E-A-D.

Well, it turns out, yes and no. The vote is 4-2. To be electrocuted is invariably fatal in Merriam-Webster, American Heritage, New World and Random House. In the Oxford and Encarta dictionaries, death takes a holiday. Their easygoing editors say a victim of electrocution may be merely injured. It's a shocking act of lexicographic clemency. In this column, that crane operator is the late crane operator.
So, although most reference sources will tell you that "electrocution" is strictly fatal, I agree with you that that's not always how the word is used in casual conversation, and some dictionaries are starting to reflect that fact.

- Katya
Question #41142 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm sorry if this is somewhere in the archives or easily found on lds.org but I've been searching both high and low for the last hour and can't find anything. So here's my question- I once heard a quote that referred to either hymns or music in general and went something like "through no other way, except maybe prayer, can you draw closer to the Lord." I think it may have been attributed to President Hinckley, but I'm not sure about that either. Is my memory playing tricks on me or did someone actually say something like this?

- Going Senile Much Too Soon

A: Dear going senile,

"We get nearer to the Lord through music than perhaps through any other thing except prayer."
-- President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in Conference Report, Oct. 1936, 111

You can find other good quotes on music here.

- Katya
Question #41140 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Im from vancouver, canada, and im a junior in my high school. To be exact, there are 2 and a half mormons in the entire school. With one being, on weed and inactive. And the "Half" being me, whose not yet baptised. I can't begin to describe, how lame our high school is. Or, highschools in general are. Almost a quarter of the grade 10 student body smokes or does whatever. You, rarely find people you can share a decent conversation with about REAL STUFF. People there bore me. Actually, it could be that i bore them. I never have been the stereotypic smart asian or asians in general-if i forgot to include, our school is extremely racist. Sometimes, i find myself, just like one of "them" and liking it. It really disgustes me, but its easier just being "normal" and "cool"?

However, church on the contrary, is completely different. It's like another dimension. I love it, i often wish i could go to church everyday. and not school.... its way cooler there. unfortunetly i cannot attend seminary, because it interferes with my students council meetings in the mornings. I guess, i should really figure out my priorities.

Does it get better once you graduate? Im sure BYU is A LOT better than high school....and i've often wondered, am i a social reject? i find it really hard to associate with people sometimes... will it be better in byu?

this is pretty long, but just by typing it out, i feel tons better.

lol, funny thing, most of my classmates still think "A LOT" is one word. and gets extremely offended when being corrected. Of course, i know better than to interfere with their "coolness"
- (insert alias here)

A: Dear Asian sensation,

Hey, I've been to Vancouver! What a beautiful city. I got really confused with those blinking green lights downtown, though.

I've been in your position, believe me. I feel your pain. Be assured, though, life gets better.

I was a social reject in high school, and I still am to some degree. The great thing about college is that you can find and befriend people you actually like. All the idiot stoners from high school are just a distant memory. I love the independence of college.

If you're planning on going to BYU, this is especially true. You'll have supportive wards and classmates with high personal standards. And lots of hot LDS of the opposite sex to hang out with.

One piece of advice I have to give someone with a couple of years left in high school: develop a lucrative skill. I wish I had taken either the computer repair class or the mechanics lab. Having a useful, marketable skill will set you up for a much better job while you study and learn to support yourself. I've done cashiering and retail for the last two years, and while it pays the bills (barely), if I knew how to assemble and repair a computer I could easily double or triple my income. And at high school, you can learn these skills for FREE. Don't waste that opportunity.

And don't take stupid useless classes. I wasted a semester in ceramics my senior year. Guess how many times knowing how to seal a coil build with slip has come in handy in the real world? Oh, that's right, NEVER.

A: Dear Cognoscente:

Ceramics was my lowest grade in high school. Grrrr!

"I have a 3.95 grade point average, which would have been a 4.0, except I had to take a ceramics class, and my pot exploded in the kiln." -Carlton Banks, "Mistaken Identity," Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

A: Dear Potters,

I never had anything explode in the kiln. Just sayin'.

A: Dear Az:

Well, BYU doesn't require you to take art classes, unlike my high school, solidifying the all-too-true claim that college is vastly superior.

A: Dear,

As life goes on, and you and your peers age, most of you will grow up a little, which makes associating with people a lot more pleasant. Plus, having a larger group to find friends in makes it likely that you'll find people you'll identify with better. I'm sorry you don't feel you fit in right now. Work on doing well in school and developing your people skills (without compromising your standards,) and you should be fine when you get to college, if that's where you're headed.

I worry a little about the superior attitude you have in your question. No, it's not good to do drugs, and you probably don't want to go inactive, but even those people have good things to offer. The reason it's nice to feel like "one of them" isn't because it's fun to be a jerk, it's because it's nice to feel accepted and to get along with other people. There will be some people who will never accept you, (especially in high school,) but you'll find that with some, you can be friendly and have good conversations and so on without having to become exactly like them. You don't have to stay friends with these kids all your life, but you may find that making a little effort will help you feel happier and more accepted wherever you go, and those social skills will be useful to you later in life. Even at BYU.

-Uffish Thought

P.S. You criticize "alot," but write "Im," "highschools," and "unfortunetly," not to mention your irregular capitalization and comma usage? "Funny thing" indeed.
Question #41105 posted on 12/03/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear Claudio,

Today you mentioned Paul McCartney's Memory Almost Full album as being sheer genius. Please elaborate - what songs did you find particularly appealing and why? and do you think that Paul will tour the US sometime in the future and play any Memory Almost Full songs? Finally, how does the album rank with Driving Rain and Chaos and Creation in the Backyard?

Oh, and thank you for ranking Hey Jude as the greatest Beatles song of all time.

- Lady Doomfiyah

A: Dear Lady Doom,

Wow. What a great question.

First off, a few words about Sir Paul. He is a hero of mine, musically. As a bassist and lover of good music, Paul McCartney stirs my soul.

When I use the term genius, I don't mean it in a Mozart sort of way. Paul is an incredible musician, and one of the best bassists ever, but he's not a brilliant musician. He is, however, a brilliant songwriter. He is a pop genius in that he can take a song about seemingly irrelevant material and make you care so incredibly deeply about it. For instance, going back to the Beatles, he wrote the song "Martha, My Dear" about his sheepdog. Irrelevant. But SUCH a great and affecting song.

That's what Paul does best. He makes you care. And it's even stronger when it's actually something you care about. That's the case with most of the songs on these three albums. They're significant and affecting. When I hear "Jenny Wren," for instance, I almost tear up. What a chord progression! What lyrics!

I wrote out a gigantic novel about "Memory Almost Full," but I don't think this is the best place to post it. If anyone wants a song-by-song analysis of the album, please e-mail me. I'll send it to you. Here, however, I'll give you some generals.

First off, my favorite moments from "Memory Almost Full":
  • The opening few seconds, hearing just a muffled bass drum and some glorious acoustic chords.
  • The part in "Only Mama Knows" where the string intro suddenly explodes into sound.
  • The bass and guitar run at the end of "Only Mama Knows."
  • The breakdown in "Vintage Clothes." Sweet drumming.
  • Paul screaming the last part of "That Was Me." It's that scream that got the Beatles noticed in the first place...and he's still got it.
  • The overlapping vocals toward the end of "Feet in the Clouds."
  • The "ooooh" part at about one minute into "House of Wax."
  • When he sings "UPON!" in "House of Wax" at 2:49. Oooh...shivers.
  • The whole song "The End of the End." Amazing.

This entire album is Paul's meditation on his impending mortality. He's realizing that he is, eventually, going to pass on. He's looking back at his life, and realizing what he really wants. All he desires, I think, is to be remembered for the good he's done. Isn't that what all of us want?

Of the albums you listed, I think "Chaos" is my favorite. It's a quiet, beautiful, and intimate album. Honestly, I don't think "Chaos" would sound that out of place to some of today's indie kids that like stuff like Death Cab. It is, for the most part, the same sort of a vibe. Except, you know, it's done better than many indie artists. Seriously. Amazing.

"Driving Rain" is amazing, yes, but I probably put it third on my list of these three albums. Not as much of it moved me as in the other two.

I'm sure those that aren't McCartney lovers are already skipping this, so, Lady Doom (or anyone else that want to), if you want to chat about Sir Paul, shoot me an e-mail at claudio dot the dot crowing at gmail dot com.

As far as the likelihood of touring...well, Sir Paul tours when he wants to. At this point, he makes music to make music, not to sell records. If he tours again (which, to be honest, I see as likely at some point in the next few years), I'm sure he'll throw in a song or two from his latest album.