A: Dear blueskybutterfly,

Allow me to be the first to point out The Board's repeated endorsement of ClearPlay-enabled DVD players. Selling edited versions of commercial-length films is a gray legal area that has seen many companies shut down, so you're not likely to find one available. If you do, it will be somewhere like eBay where someone who owned an edited copy previously is now selling it.

But seriously. If you're into edited films, ClearPlay is the way to go.

-Yellow

A: Dear Whole Nother,

According to the bookstore website one of the requirements for a book to be on the sellback list is that "it is not a packet or a workbook." Sorry.

--Gray Ghost

A: Dear Mmm, Arm & Hammer:

Regular soda has real sugars, usually in the form of high fructose corn syrup; diet soda has imitation sugars, like aspartame or sucralose.

This is from an article from the French National Center for Scientific Research:

In this paper, the separation and determination of the sweetener aspartame by ion chromatography coupled with electrochemical amperometric detection is reported. Sodium saccharin, acesulfame-K and aspartame were separated using 27.5 mmol/l NaOH isocratic elution on a Dionex IonPac AS4A-SC separation column. Aspartame can be determined by integrated amperometric detection without interference from the other two sweeteners. The method can be applied to the determination of aspartame in powered tabletop, fruit juice and carbonated beverage samples, and the results obtained by integrated amperometry were in agreement with those obtained using a UV detection method.

Before your eyes glaze over too much, here's a lay(wo)man's version:

Fake sugars (such as those in diet soda) can be separated out based on their polarity (this has to do with where the electrons are in the atoms, which are, in turn, in the molecules). Then, they use the electricity (compare "amps" with "amperometric"), to further determine the identity of the sweetener. Then, it goes on to say that you can do the same thing (identifying the molecule) using ultraviolet rays.

This isn't limited to fake/real sugars (I've linked you to the chemical configuration of aspartame and galactose, respectively)--all molecules have a specific configuration. So beyond just tasting the drinks (diet soda is much, much sweeter than regular), if you want to pull an HFAC, whip out your chromotography equipment and your electric currents.

Comme c'est scientifique!

---Portia

A: Dear What,

As soon as I saw this question, I thought of my friend ginsberg who gave a fabulous paper on the history of Yankees-hatred at a conference a few years ago. (Ironically, Humble Master was also in the audience when this paper was presented, but we were not then acquainted and so passed each other like ships in the night.)

Anyway, I forwarded your question on to ginsberg who obligingly sent me this brilliant, in-depth response:

This isn't really a question with a "right" answer. So here is my opinion: The Yankees and Boston Red Sox have both considered each other as their arch rival for several reasons: both teams have been around since the dawn of time, they play each other frequently, there has always been a competition between New York and Boston for the title of "cultural capital" of the U.S. (probably New York now, but Boston is a WAY better city to live in and visit), both teams were very good and in close pennant races in the 1940s, 1970s and 2000s, and, perhaps most importantly, the Yankees have knocked very good Red Sox teams out of the World Series at season's end many times in addition to mystically "stealing" the team's success after buying Babe Ruth from them before the 1920 season. (Curse of the Bambino) I think most are in agreement that this is the most important rivalry for both teams and may be the most significant rivalry in baseball if not all of American sport.

But other teams are certainly free to hate the Yankees. Most notably, cross-town rivalries are significant in sports at every level as they often represent some form of regionalism or are revealing about class or other cultural divisions within a given community. (The theory here is my own; you'll just have to trust me.) Today for the Yankees this means the Queens-based New York Mets. The Mets and the Yankees met in the 2000 World Series (which the Yanks took in six games) and typically play two three-game "interleague" series a year during the regular season to battle for Big Apple baseball supremacy. In fact, it is likely that many Mets fans would call the Yankee their team's biggest rival, even if the Yankees fans would likely not return the favor. This is characteristic of many somewhat lop-sided sports rivalries where one team is clearly the better (the Mets have two World Series titles compared with the Yankee's twenty-six, including the 2000 win over the Mets. . .) The Yankee's relative dominance over the Mets speaks in some degree to the kinds of New Yorkers who root for them, although family upbringing certainly has its influence and we must take into account that the Mets have only existed since 1962, meaning that older and more traditional New Yorkers may side with the Yankees.

Which brings us to our next two Yankees rivals: the Dodgers and the Giants. It was the 1958 departure of these formally-New York-based ball clubs for California that eventually lead to the creation of the Mets to help fill the void in the lives of New Yorkers too embittered to root for the Los Angeles or San Francisco-based versions of their former teams but still unwilling to get behind the Yankees. These fans had good reason not to support the Yankees as the three New York baseball clubs enjoyed one of the most competitive, most high-profile and bitterest rivalries in baseball. Foremost was the feud between the Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers. Not only were the Dodgers based in what was for most of the twentieth century a predominantly working-class, minority-rich burough, but the ball club had enjoyed only miniscule success in their long history. In the late 1920 and 1930s, the club seemed particularly inept and earned the nickname "dem Bums," a moniker Brooklyn fans continued to use affectionately even after the team got drastically better in the 1940s. All the while the Yankees were the most dominant team in baseball and when Brooklyn made their first World Series in over twenty years in 1941 is was these same Yankees who handed them defeat. But Brooklyn kept winning, making the World Series again in 1947, '49, '52, and '53. But each time the Yankee were there to beat them. Thus the lopsided Yankees-Dodgers rivalry took on issues of class as well as regionalism, with the poor, ethnic Brooklynites viewing the Yankees with the same contempt with which they viewed Manhattan bankers or stock brokers. Add to this the fact that central to these Dodgers teams was Jackie Robinson, the first black American to play in the modern "big leagues" as well as several other black players. The Yankees meanwhile remained lilywhite untill 1955. In other words, for Brooklyn fans, the Yankees symbolized that loose collection of ideas, individuals and institutions that today we call "The Man." Joyously, Brooklyn finally beat The Man in the historic 1955 World Series. The rivalry, of course, means much less now that the Dodgers have moved to Los Angeles, but the two teams have met in a number of World Series since those Postwar years with the Dodgers beating the Yankees in 1963 and 1981 and with the Yanks coming out on top in 1956, 1977 and 1978. For the typical contemporary California Dodgers fan, the Yankees may not be thought of as big rivals, but for Dodgers fans who love their baseball history, like myself, the Yankees will always be public enemy number one.

The Giants inner-city rivalry with the Yankees goes back further in history with the two teams meeting in three consecutive World Series in 1921, '22 and '23. But back in these days it was the Giants who held the crown of Big Apple baseball supremacy. Under the managerial skill of John McGraw, these Giants were regular pennant-winners and the toast of the town. The Yankees, meanwhile had not yet been to their first World Series and, not having their own stadium, had to rent the Giants Polo Grounds when they were on the road for Yankees "home games." The purchase of Ruth (and a number of other players form the Boston Red Sox) greatly improved the Yankees, however, and after getting whipped by the upper-class Giants in '21 and '22, the Yanks finally bested them in 1923. The Yankees never looked back. This began not only their occasional dominance of the whole of Major League baseball, but their dominance of the Giants as well. While still in New York, the Giants lost to the Yankees in the 1936, '37 and '51 World Series and after moving to San Francisco, they lost the 1962 Series to the Yanks. The move to California has likely diminished the Yankees-Giants rivalry more than the Yankees-Dodgers counterpart. It is likely that most Giants fans seldom think of the Yankees as a rival, instead focusing on their own rivalry with the Dodgers and possibly their neighbors across the bay, the Oakland Athletics.

Of the teams that would likely consider the Yankees their primary rival, along with Boston and maybe the Dodgers, I feel the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays, the Baltimore Orioles and the Toronto Blue Jays are most justified. This is because these teams are all in the Yankees' division, the AL East, a division that the Yankees had dominated until very recently. However, everybody is always gunning for the winner and the Yanks are perhaps THE most storied winners in the annals of American sports culture. Also, it is easy to be jealous and thumb our noses are the wealthy, and since the Yankees continually have the highest payroll in the Major Leagues, they are seen as baseball's equivalent of aristocracy. In my book, it will always be acceptable to hate the Yankees, no matter what ball club you root for. And if you happen to root for one of these new teams that have virtually no history, then, yes the Yankees may be your primary rivals, even if the Yankees don't see it that way.

For some other great baseball rivalries that don't involve the Yankees, follow these links:

Dodgers-Giants rivalry
Cardinals-Cubs rivalry
Freeway Series
White Sox-Cubs rivalry

- Katya

A: Dear Concerned,

You have to be careful to notice the reasoning behind what is happening in this case. The pertinent statement being:

Every three years since 1989, the association has applied for, and received, tax exemptions for its boardwalk, beach and the pavilion under the Green Acres Program, designed to encourage the use of privately owned lands for public recreation and conservation. This is the first time any part of its application has been turned down.

The issue is they are receiving a tax exemption specifically under a program which requires the land be publicly usable.

No one is saying they have to allow the civil union to take place, it's just if they want their tax break for public use land they do. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

There is no real issue of the state forcing the religion to do something it doesn't want to. That part of the land was not considered to be public use because of what happened, so they lost the tax break.

-Curious Physics Minor

A: Dear Ethel,

I think you mean #47272.

That's interesting, though. I got my information from the First Presidency's Office. I'll be sure to call and let them know they're wrong.

Humbly,
-Polly Esther

A: Dear Everyone,

In order to provide some resolution, I imagine that the bishop in this case would have asked another Melchizidek Priesthood holder (using those keys to direct priesthood usage that he has) to direct the meeting.

Problem solved.

-Yellow

A: Dear Yellow,

You don't think an all-out, kung fu-style brawl would ensue between the EQP and the HPGL? Pity.

- Katya

A: Dear Karl,

Search enginges are good for a lot of things, but they're limited when it comes to looking for books. However, if I pop over to WorldCat, do a search on "su: obsessive compulsive disorter," then limit the results to "fiction" and "juvenile" I get 14 books, 6 of which have female protagonists. Here they are:

Kissing doorknobs / Terry Spencer Hesser.

Fourteen-year-old Tara describes how her increasingly strange compulsions begin to take over her life and affect her relationships with her family and friends.

Total constant order / Crissa-Jean Chappell.

Resentful and upset when her family moves from Vermont to Miami, Florida, and her parents' fighting escalates, high-schooler Fin develops OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and becomes consumed with numbers, counting, irrational worrying, and avoiding germs.

Multiple choice / Janet Tashjian.

Monica, a fourteen-year-old perfectionist and word game expert, tries to break free from all of the suffocating rules in her life by creating a game for living called Multiple Choice.

Grace's show of strength / Alexandra Moss.

In the last weeks of their first year at the Royal Ballet School, as they face exams and extra rehearsals for an end-of-year performance at the Royal Opera House, Ellie becomes very concerned about Grace's odd behavior.

Like a thorn / Clara Vidal

Throughout her childhood, Melie believes her mother is two people--Rosy Mother and Dark Mother--and she performs more and more rituals to keep Dark Mother away as she reaches adolescence, when she begins to realize that her mother is mentally ill and that Melie may be, as well.

Prey / Stefan Petrucha.

Sixteen-year-old Chelsea's obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) causes her to believe she must continually count objects to prevent awful things from happening, but when she agrees to pet-sit her biology teacher's six-foot monitor lizard, counting may not be enough.


If none of these is the right book or if the book wasn't children's / young adult fiction, write back in with anything else you can remember, and I'll give it another shot.

- Katya the librarian

A: Dear M x 2:

I had pseudo-friends like this, not so long ago. They were the sorts of acquaintances with whom it was fun to go ice blocking and whatnot, but they were a rather silly, immature bunch.

Sometimes I just wanted to collectively shake them, and say, "Say something intelligent. Please! _______ is not that difficult of a word to get in Catchphrase. Argh!"

But that would violate the terms of our unwritten People Who Happen to Live Near Me and I Do Things with Them, Sometimes contract. As I couldn't exactly have deep conversations about Iranian foreign policy or the merits/demerits of languages with case systems with them, you probably shouldn't divulge your greatest fears/hopes for life, or the fact that you wish you were dating her boyfriend's brother, or whatever, if she is so insincere. If she's not that unlikable, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to unilaterally oppose, say, a movie night with her and a bunch of people, but it's fine to impose limits on this friendship if it's annoying you too much.

Of course, if her seeming lack of sincerity crosses the point of betrayal, I see no reason to pursue the friendship further.

---Portia

A: Dear Myna~

Portia has provided a very reasonable, diplomatic solution.

Now I give you the AWESOME solution:

Feast on her sanity. Try to convince her you're a vampire. Leave her notes from the President of Cuba. Convince her boyfriend/your friend to paint himself purple one day and offer no explanation.

These won't really solve your problem, but man, they'll be funny.

~Hobbes

A: Dear Teacher ~

It's on the New Testament DVD Presentations 1-25 #17 The Doctrine of Grace. This DVD used to be for seminary only but they now have it released to anyone at the Distribution Center.

~ Dragon Lady

A: Dear Ethel,

No matter whose fault it is that she's afraid of dating, I can almost promise you that if you try to push dating when she isn't ready for that, then not only will she avoid dating, she'll probably avoid you.

I think the best "convincing" you can do is to be someone she cares for and trusts as a friend until she gets to a point in her life where she isn't wary of dating. Trying to make someone do something they're afraid of or don't want to do could end up in her not only not being committed in your dating relationship, but not being able to trust you to respect her feelings on the matter.

It would also help if you were dating other girls right now. That way she won't be the full focus of your attention and if things don't work out with her, you haven't spent months pining away for naught.

-Polly Esther

A: Dear Huh?,

I recommend cheap musician's earplugs, ER-20s. They block 20 decibels without changing pitch.

-Whistler

A: Dear Called to Serve,

I just conducted a thought experiment where I imagined myself into your friend's situation, and if I were him, I would want you to sort things out with me before you left. As with most relationship problems, the issue here is too much assuming and not enough communicating, so keeping your mouth shut and hoping any issues fix themselves is just going to create an awkward situation later. And it will probably be more awkward than just sorting things out right now. He's your friend, he's level-headed, and he can handle the news that you aren't planning on his waiting for you. If he's anything like me, he'll want to be in sync with you about this.

--Gray Ghost

A: Dear CtS:

I advocate figuring out whether he will "wait for you," or not necessarily, and make it clear that you do/don't expect that, as the case may be. This seems like no more than a blue level of Homeland Relationship Threat: if he wants to like you more than you like him, that's his choice (and not as easily changed as some might say). But don't lead him on; don't stress out about the very-much-not-in-stone events of 2010; don't let this become an Unsolvable Drama--just make your feelings of affable admiration clear, and sound the depths of his more exactly.

Because as omniscient as we are, I think you are better equipped to do that than we are, m'dear.

---Portia

A: Dear Darleen,

Travel abroad.

-Azriel

A: Dear Ethel,

Date.

-Polly Esther

A: Dear bob ~

Can I have more than one answer? I lump them all into one thing in my head...but perhaps that lump is "Things that I am afraid of."

I would snowboard, water ski, cliff dive, sky dive, swim in large, open water, ride horses that run, etc.

~ Dragon Lady

A: bobtheenchantedone, poised on the edge,

It has been a long, long time since I have felt fear.

Fear is an emotion the mind creates to protect that which you hold dear. At some level it might be said that if you do not fear, you do not care. While having no fear would mean nothing is holding you back, not caring for anything means not having any motivation to move you forward. Then there is only one viable option. Be afraid. Then go ahead and do it anyway.

TINMAN

A: Dear bobbo~

Tell my friends how stupid they all are.

~Hobbes hopes that most of his friends don't read the Board.

A: Dear bobby,

I would sing more karaoke. And a lot louder too. Also, I would probably talk to more people about the church.

- Rating Pending (who liked this question)

A: Dear Concerned ~

Just because something is titled as Happy doesn't mean everything else is Sad.

Happy Valley is known as such because everyone here is "happy"... the whole, All is Well in Zion attitude. We're mostly LDS, everyone is the perfect Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood. So of course we'd all be happy. We're rich, live in big houses, kind to our neighbors, all bishops and Relief Society presidents. The only fights we get into is who gets to serve the needy first.

Seriously, why wouldn't Utah Valley be known as Happy Valley? I mean, up in Salt Lake Valley they have the U of U. Ehhhh...

~ Dragon Lady

A: Dear ac²:

Though I have never heard anyone refer to the Salt Lake Valley as the "Sad Valley," I have heard people refer to it (tongue-in-cheek) as "Sin City."

The name "Happy Valley" undoubtedly arose from the racial, cultural, religious, and political homogeneity of this area; many people are well-groomed and drive cute little Civics and have a brood of younglings to carry on the Red-voting, churchgoing traditions. The phrase is often used, however, in an ironic sense: a recentish movie about meth usage in these parts used it in such a way.

There is undeniably great Salt Lake-Provo friction from the south. Believe it or not, most people in the ol' Ess-Ell-Cee don't really think about Provo that much. We are unlikely to feel the need to invent parallel nicknames for ourselves.

---Portia

A: Dear New Mom,

Aw, that stinks. I was in a similar situation when I was a single 25-year-old in a family ward (I had personal reasons for not attending a student ward), only it was the "young parents" who wouldn't give me the time of day because I didn't fit in with them.

First, the procedural stuff: It's perfectly fine to go to the Relief Society president and request new visiting teachers if you think the current pair isn't working out and never will. After all, the RS president can't be expected to know things aren't working out unless you tell her.

Second, some people are just not good at looking beyond superficial characteristics, so some older people are simply not going to be able to see beyond your relative youth. Happily, the reverse is also true: Some people are unusually gifted at making friendships that cross demographic boundaries. (In the family ward I mentioned above, I ended up becoming fast friends with a woman who had five kids and was almost old enough to be my mother.) So, don't limit yourself by thinking that only the people who are the most similar to you are potential friends.

Remember, also, that you're not the only one in the ward who's feeling left out. Single sisters, married sisters who don't have kids, and sisters in part-member families can also feel excluded in a family-ward setting. Depending on how your own VT companionship is going, you could go to the RS president and specifically ask to be assigned to teach a sister who hasn't been very active or who has been feeling marginalized.

Another tactic is to make your calling work in your favor. It's true that, as the primary pianist, you don't get to interact with many other adults, but you do get the rare chance to observe and get to know their kids, and you can use those observations as some common ground when trying to get to know their parents. Most parents like talking about their kids, and they'll be flattered that you've noticed that their little girl is really sharp or their little boy is stubborn, but loyal.

Lastly (although this should probably have come first), don't forget to turn to your Father in prayer. He wants you to develop a close relationship with your spiritual sisters, so tell Him that you need a friend in this ward, and see what He can do for you.

- Katya

A: Dear Jacqueline,

The League of Secret Librarians says that it's either Marianna May and Nursey by Tomie dePaola or Striped Ice Cream by Joan M. Lexau.

- Katya the librarian

A: Dear xkcd,

Well, if you're on the bus, you just pull the little cord. If you mean that you want UTA to physically add an extra bus stop somewhere, we don't know of any forum where UTA solicits rider input on the matter, although there is a general "comments" form here.

- Katya