"My brother is too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was only imminent." -Niles Crane
Question #66743 posted on 04/05/2012 6:30 p.m.

Dear the snake whisperer and the 100 Hour Board,

In your answer to Board Question #66676, you said, "Ask not what freshmen girls are scared of, ask why you aren't more scared of freshmen girls."

So I'm asking, why should we (or RMs in particular) be more scared of freshmen girls? Are they more scary than senior girls? How would you rate each class of girls on scariness? If you would like to rate the boys, that would be intersting too.

-Should add your awesome line to the daily quote list


Dear Should,

In terms of dating you should be scared of freshmen girls because they are deeply immature, annoyingly dramatic, inexperienced, and tend to giggle unnecessarily. Also, if you marry an eighteen-year-old you'll be hearing about it for the rest of your life. You should be equally scared of senior girls because they are either hardcore feminists (shudder), or desperate crones who want nothing more than to latch on to a husband before they graduate. Sophomores are less flighty than freshmen, but this is not to your advantage, as it means they will have undoubtedly chosen to "wait" for a missionary while they half-heartedly pursue a degree in English. And although the attachment is artificial at best, convincing them otherwise can be time-consuming. You have the least to fear from juniors, who are far enough along in their studies that getting married won't derail them from graduating, so they can get out into the work force and support you while you spend the next six years changing majors.

-the snake whisperer


Dear 100 Hour Board,

I heard a rumor that the missionaries on Temple Square have personnel assigned to make sure they look good (like physical trainers keeping track of their weight and/or stylists doing their make-up). To me, this sounds pretty ridiculous. Could I get a confirmation on whether this is true, and whether there's something responsible for starting the rumor other than "All the prettiest sisters go to Temple Square"?



Dear Grapevine,

I asked a good friend (we'll call her "Bonks," as that is what we actually call her) who got home from Temple Square in November to answer your question. Her response:

A couple mission presidents ago the mission president was so concerned about the sisters' looks that he would tell them to watch what they ate and would weigh them. My mission prez (who just got released in January) was nothing like that.

There is no Temple Square gym or personal trainers. Often we don't have the regular 30 minutes of exercise because we have meetings or lessons that are early in the morning so we have to get up earlier. We adhere to the same clothing guidelines that are found online (and are updated! Finally!).

One of our objectives as given to us by the Brethren was "to uplift the image of the church." Because millions visit Temple Square and they often form their opinion of the church from what they experience there, it might make a difference if the missionaries looked good. That's why elders aren't there. [Editorial note from CK: Whoa, harsh. Not cool. *Goes and cries about how fat I am for three hours while eating a whole Costco chocolate cake and ice cream right from the tub.*] They tried that, but they looked too much like security guards. [Oh. So we're like...husky. In a good way. Dang straight. *Flexes in front of the mirror for three hours.*]

As for the stereotype that all the pretty ones get sent to Temple Square, I guess you'll have to visit and find out for yourself. Just make sure your bring a couple referrals for them. ;)

- Bonks

So there you have it, Grapevine. And seriously, if you haven't been stopped there by sisters looking for referrals, prepare yourself. On my third encounter with sisters at conference this last weekend, I almost gave them the number for Callin' Oates, just for giggles. Bonks, who was with me, did not approve of or appreciate this idea. I say go for it.

- Commander Keen, from the directionless void of hiatus

Question #67112 posted on 04/05/2012 11:18 a.m.

Dear Mico,

Regarding question #67023, my identity theft incident did not show up on any of the three credit reports people can access for free each year. It showed up only on the one the banks use (ChexSystems, which is not normally available for free). This means that I could have checked the free credit reports for years, never knowing that anything was amiss. Could I perhaps access the ChexSystems report for free every year by asking my bank to look it up?



Dear de nada,

The credit report bureaus work for the average people using banks, which is why there is legislature in place that says they must allow people to check their credit reports once a year for free. ChexSystems, on the other hand, works for banks, not for average customers. Because they work for the banks, they are not required to share their information with average customers. Their information belongs to the banks, not to the individuals. There are only two ways for a person to gain free access to ChexSystems. One, if the person is declined for a bank account, i.e., they are not allowed to open a bank account at all. Or, two, if they are allowed to open a bank account, but it is not a normal bank account; instead, it will be a limited account with the stipulation that it is "high-risk" for some amount of time.

The banker I talked with suggested that I tell you about lawyers. Basically, by hiring a lawyer it will be easier for you to get this nasty stuff off of your record. It should be easy enough for the lawyer to prove that it was not actually you who had bad credit, that it was someone using your social, and then your record will be clean. That would be expensive, but it is certainly something to think about. Best of luck!


posted on 04/06/2012 9:59 a.m.

I really hope this is the last thing I ever tell you about SSN! There is some information on the Social Security Administration's website about what to do if you suspect your SSN is being used fraudulently: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10064.html

Their advice won't let you see credit reports, but it will (hopefully) let you see if anything unrelated to you is associated with your SSN. May your SSN be safe from here on out!

Question #67111 posted on 04/05/2012 11:18 a.m.

Dear Mico,

Thank you so much for your help with my questions.

Regarding question #67023, the actual situation is that person A (using her own social security number) opened an account at one bank. Later, person B used person A's social security number in combination with a hispanic male name to open two bank accounts at JP Morgan Chase (not the same bank where person A has her account). After an unknown period of time, JP Morgan Chase closed person B's accounts due to account abuse, without notifying person A of what had happened. Person A knew nothing about this until she tried to open a new bank account.

How was person B able to open the accounts in the first place if JP Morgan Chase was supposed to check credit reports, which would have shown them that the social security number does not match the hispanic male name provided and actually belongs to person A?

By law, was JP Morgan Chase required to contact person A to inform her about what had happened?

-Person A


Dear Person A,

You're welcome! It has been fun to go to my bank every day. All the bankers now sort of know that I'm there doing research. It's only the tiniest bit awkward. 

So, here is what I've learned. The connection between one's name, one's social security number, and credit reports is not as solid as you and I thought. When anyone goes to open a bank account they have to "prove" that they are who they claim they are. In a case such as this, the person needs to provide evidence that the social security number is their own, perhaps by providing a letter from the social security office, or some such thing. The bank where someone makes an account only needs to verify the person who comes in. In your situation, JP Morgan Chase only needed to verify that Person B was really who he said he was. Obviously Person B was lying and forged the information, but Person B clearly did so really well. 

In your situation, the bank was not required to contact you. If you had had an account with them and Person B showed up trying to use your social, then they would have told Person B that something fishy was going on and it would have been Person B's responsibility to move on from there. However, since you were at an entirely different bank, and since there was nothing out of the ordinary going on with your credit reports, they had no obligation to tell you what had happened. Further, even once Person B did get their bank account closed, JP Morgan Chase still didn't necessarily know about you