Dear freer,

Their website says that 118 is not even required (only strongly recommended), so it looks like they wouldn't even need to do anything. 

I think the business school wants its students to be able to think quantitatively and logically, and requiring a math class helps students develop those skills. At the same time, my understanding is that undergraduate accountants don't actually use calculus; the math is mostly about adding columns of numbers and solving simple equations. If the advisement center told you it isn't necessary, you can probably safely skip it. 

Of course, if you wanted to be cool you would take more math just for fun, but for some reason not everyone wants to be cool. People are mysterious to me. 

~Professor Kirke

Dear RG,

My roommate Ampersand informs me that the DVD of Season Two will be released in America on May 22, but if you want to watch it before then, PBS will air it on May 6th. You should be able to buy it on Amazon.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Willing,

I'm sure that other people agree with you. I might even be one of them. On my mission I realized the Provo area isn't strictly "ghetto" so I stopped using that word, but it really does tend to fall on the range from quaint (nice streets of oldish houses) to tacky (streets of oldish businesses). 

Billboards: yes.

Really: yes.

~Professor Kirke

Dear Willing,

Yes, other people agree with you.

And I am one of them. But as far as a fix goes, I think you've got it backwards. This is by and large the city's problem; don't fault business owners for putting up billboards if zoning laws permit them. The city should plant more trees, offer tax incentives to businesses that turn pavement back into green space, think about green medians (like the one on University Parkway north of the junction with Freedom), and rezone properties to encourage taller buildings with residences in them, encouraging pedestrian traffic at night (these ideas are not mine originally; they mostly come from the articles I linked for you).

No Dice

Dear IS student,

By the Jamba Juice in the WILK, four in the afternoon on a reading day. The halls are quiet, except the whir of the blender and the melody of a pop song over the PA system. Mico stands by the counter, waiting for her nommy parfait. Various people wait for their drinks, specifically a female student wearing an IS t-shirt. 

Jamba Juice Employee: "Fruity Pebbles for IS Shirt Girl! Fruity Pebbles!"

Mico looks about and spots the IS shirt. Remembering a Board question that recently came in, she gathers up the courage to approach the stranger.

Mico: "Excuse me... um... uh..."

IS Shirt Girl: *blank stare, wants to drink her drink*

Mico: "Where did you get your IS shirt?"

IS Shirt Girl: *squinty, are-you-serious? eyes* "They were just giving them out the other day at Brigham Square."

Mico: "Oh... thanks?"

End Scene.

Ahem, so anyway, they only give out shirts as prizes and promotional items at various on-campus events (this was confirmed by a direct call to IS). Keep an eye on their Facebook page for details about when such events will occur.

-Mico

If your husband dies, you can get widow’s benefits if you are age 60 or older. If you are disabled, you can get widow’s benefits as early as age 50. Your benefit amount will depend on your age and on the amount your deceased husband was entitled to when he died. If he was receiving reduced benefits, your survivor benefit will be based on that amount.

If you are a widow with children, you may be eligible for a widow’s benefit at any age when you are caring for a child who is younger than 16 or disabled and entitled to benefits. As a widow, you also may be eligible for Medicare at age 65.

If you remarry before you reach age 60 (or age 50 if disabled), you cannot receive widow’s benefits as long as that marriage remains in effect. If you remarry after you reach age 60 (or age 50 if disabled), you will continue to receive benefits on your deceased husband’s Social Security record. However, if your current husband is a Social Security beneficiary, you should apply for a wife’s benefit on his record if it would be larger than your widow’s benefit. You cannot get both.

If you also are entitled to retirement benefits based on your own work, you have some other options. Ask a Social Security representative to explain the options, so you can decide which would be best for you.

Dear hope,

Just forget about him. He's already tried to take advantage of you, flaked on you, ignored you, and been rude to you. And when I stalked him down to ask him for an explanation on your behalf, he just said "Dude, all I wanted was a NCMO, and she started getting all 'C.' on me!"*

~Professor Kirke

*Ok, not true, but I'm not sure what you're expecting to hear from the guy. Nothing good can come of this; I'd just drop it and leave it alone. 

Dear just,

Hm, I actually read your question a bit differently than Professor Kirke. To me, it sounded like a guy (who you like at least a little) wanted to kiss you and you said no. Then he wanted to take you on a date and you said you'd have to think about it and "take care" of some stuff first. Then, after a week of not talking to him (how would he ever know whether things had been "taken care of" if you didn't talk to him for a week?), you tried to pretend that nothing even happened. That's a triple rejection, yo. I can understand having hurt feelings over that, although I also think the unfriending and his friends' reactions sound a little out of proportion.

If I'm reading your question right, you both sound a little immature. You're perfectly within your rights to say no to a date or a kiss, but it's pretty lame to shift the blame to your jealous friends instead of just politely declining, and then pretend like nothing ever happened. Additionally, he's perfectly within his rights to have hurt feelings after getting rejected (you recognize that even if that's not what you meant, that's how he would feel, right?), but it's also lame to cut off a friendship because of that. It sounds like both of you need to stop doing the first thing that pops into your head and start treating other people the way you hope they'd treat you.

- Eirene is feeling blunt

No.

~Professor Kirke

Dear but I like pickles,

Basically, you should follow The Captain's instructions in this board question: dilute a few drops of bleach in a few cups of water and shake vigorously with the lid. Then rinse the lid and stick it in the dishwasher. This should... get you out of your pickle. (C'mon, you knew that was coming. I would apologize for the horrible stretch of a pun, but it was kind of inevitable.)

–Concealocanth

Dear Big Cheese,

Apparently something has been in the air... love? ...obsessive fandom? ...fruitless pear blossom stink? but anyhow, it seems there's been quite a bit of interest in my existence lately. Therefore, I present to you, Cheese ball nacho bacon fake bomb, my dating application.

I should warn you, though, I have a strong opinion that I'm not actually very opinionated. I don't particularly like bacon, fakeness, or bombs (except for dry ice ones), but nevertheless I encourage you and anyone else with some spare time on their hands and a deep and abiding love for Concealocanth in their heart to click on over and fill out the application. Applications are funness!

–Concealocanth, who is thankful for the Editors and their vigilance.

Dear cheese,

Things seem to be getting pretty steamy between her and this bullfighter dude. Proceed with caution, Cheese ball nacho bacon fake bomb.

--Pilgrim

Dear Creative,

We've answered plenty of questions about Music 160R in the past. I think you'll find just the information you're looking for by utilizing our wonderful search function. 

-The Entropy Ninja

Dear Igorina,

Personal opinion: I took 160R (piano) once, and had a love/hate relationship with it. Love for the automatic A, hate for the fact that it was SO STINKIN' EASY that there was absolutely no challenge at all.  Now, for some clarification, I myself am no concert pianist (far from it!), but I've been reading music since I was about 5, and I know my notes. That being said, I remember the class being graded solely on effort and progress, not perfection. 

-Azriel

Dear Tigger,

Nope, sorry, I don't think there's any way to do this. According to Facebook Help's Tag Photos section, a photo either is tagged and shows up on timeline or isn't tagged at all. If I were you, I'd just untag the photos and save myself the trouble.

–Concealocanth

Dear Grant,

August 30th. And it will be Romney.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Grant,

And though it won't be ironclad official until the convention, the market is currently betting on Romney at 97.2%. If it were a scientific study and not a market, that would be described as "for sure."

~Professor Kirke

Dear Anonymous,

If I now started rejecting all help from my parents, I could probably still graduate debt-free. On the same note, if I accepted my parents' help but declined all future semesters of my scholarship I could probably graduate debt free. That said, I cash the checks from my parents and accept scholarships. Right now, my scholarship and my parents' support make a big difference for me; they let me save my earnings so that money isn't going to give me stress or limit my options as I start my career and my family. At the same time, the amounts involved make little difference to my dad or to BYU.

By accepting the money now, I can only work jobs that'll help my career, for only as many hours as will help my career. I also have enough time/money to do the random projects that teach me a lot and make my resume much more attractive. All this makes me more likely to make more money in the future. Then I'll be able to donate back what I got from BYU with interest and more, and I'll be able to provide similar financial support for my own kids. On first blush it might look like I'm just taking advantage of a fortunate situation, but really, I'm making the world better for everyone by accepting the money being offered me. 

I wouldn't call you prideful; I understand wanting to make it on your own. After my undergraduate degree my parents don't plan on offering help and I don't plan on asking for it, and I think that's the way it ought to be and that it'll be good to be on my own. At the same time, you seem to be shooting yourself in the foot...you're arranging a disagreement with your parents in order to be poorer. If it makes you feel better, think of your parents' money as a scholarship with very specific requirements, and then once you're doing well financially donate the amount they gave you to the Perpetual Education Fund or something. If you can't handle that, accepting your parents' money on a loan basis, as Genuine Article suggests below, would also make sense to me, for the reasons that she gives.   

If you need a compromise solution, just accept their money (they are happy), secretly send it all to me (you are still on your own), and I will use it to help my career (the world becomes a better place). Everybody wins! 

~Professor Kirke

Dear Anonymous,

If you're ready to get out there on your own, do it. I understand they want to help, but every parent should want for their children to be independent/self-sufficient, and to keep you from realizing your potential in that regard is misguided. It will limit you in the future. I think you're doing the right thing by trying to earn your way as much as possible.

Now, you're trying to save up for things, but there's a good chance that your progress will be slow. Some things, like going on your mission, should not be delayed because you insist on paying for absolutely everything. If your job and scholarships don't quite cover everything, I think having your parents fill in the gaps in your finances is somewhat preferable to going into debt. They insist on paying for things? Insist that they treat it as a loan, with you paying it off every month, just like you would a student loan (only without the hassle of interest and the possibility of hired goons roughing you up should you miss a payment). Make your terms very clear and stick to them. 

What I've presented is a logical solution to your problem, where everybody wins: your parents get to help you out, and you don't have to feel like a sponge, because you're paying them back. Just keep telling yourself it's a loan. It's a loan. It's a loan. If you can't get over the thought of even borrowing money, then yes, I think you have some stuff you need to figure out. I've been in your shoes. For most young people, they need to learn how to stop living off their parents and grow up. I have always liked being financially independent, so that was never my problem. My problem (and yours too by the sound of it) is that I do not like asking for help. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's stubbornness, but I do not like relying on other people. And while I think God helps those who help themselves, there has to be a balance. Reliance on others can keep you from growing, but complete self-reliance can cause you to forget the hand of God in your life. My advice is this: try your hardest to provide for yourself, but don't fall into the trap of thinking it's shameful to need help.

Best of luck to you,

Genuine Article

Dear WM,

You mean like every road trip ever? 326 miles to go!!! (What I actually mean is about 5 hours.)

–Concealocanth, taking the low-hanging fruit.

Dear He trusts you,

First off, it's good that you want to fast, but it seems like you've probably got an honest misconception about fasting. From the Family Home Evening Resource Book:

“Sometimes Latter-day Saints think that if it is good to fast for 24 hours, it is three times as good to fast for 72 hours. Healthwise nothing could be farther from the truth. Missionaries, especially, must have strength to carry out their work and should not over-indulge in fasting anymore than in food-faddism. Let’s follow the counsel of our leaders ‘that food and drink are not to be partaken of for twenty-four hours. …’ If longer fasting is required of us, they will so direct us.” (Lindsay R. Curtis, M.D., “Questions and Answers,” New Era, Apr. 1977, p. 49.) 

I assume you were unaware of this advice, but now you are, so that solves part of the problem! If you fast 24 hours, that's much more likely to be achievable. 

I've done fasts where I realistically could not go 24 hours without water, when I was sick and/or working outside in the summer in a tropical climate. I usually tried to mention this in the prayer when I was starting the fast. Failing that, when I've passed the point of mere discomfort and I'm actually getting sick, I'll say a prayer explaining that I think I need to stop and eat or drink and asking if that's ok; I can typically then feel at peace with breaking the fast early. In the future, I'd recommend bringing this type of thing up in your prayers as you start and end fasts. I'd view and phrase the prayer to start a fast as a commitment to do your level best and not as an ironclad oath to fast at any cost. God is understanding.

As for repentance, first off you're obviously going to need to pray, explain what happened and how you want to proceed in the future, and ask forgiveness. Secondly, you're going to have to just do fasting right for a while. Repentance is best demonstrated by doing things right over a long time period. You're also going to need to forgive yourself, which may be the hardest part. As you do all this, remember the advice above to not go over 24 hours, and also remember that the monthly fast is often adequate (if you want to improve your spirituality, extra gospel study or temple attendance or a host of other things can often be more beneficial than extra fasting). 

For what it's worth, though, I think God loves you for your desire to fast and is very understanding of what's happened. Don't get too down on yourself. Ask to feel his love and forgiveness as you pray, and eventually you will. 

~Professor Kirke 

Dear untrusted,

Did God ever tell you that he accepted your commitment to a 48-hour fast? It sounds like you were trying to ask for some special blessing by fasting, but did you ever receive any confirmation that God agreed with that commitment? We're taught (as PK mentions above) that we only need to fast for 24 hours or 2 meals, so I doubt the Lord is going to require you to do anything more than that. Don't get too down on yourself; you're only human!

- Eliot Rosewater

Dear Impatient,

Personally, I'd just not say anything until you're back together in the fall. But, that's just me talking; I don't know you or him. This really isn't that big of a deal, but it might help your peace of mind if you list out some pros and cons for talking to him. The reason I'd wait is because there aren't any major pros; the reason for having a de-friendzoning-DTR with someone is because there's a dating relationship you could have now that you're missing out on. Because you're leaving, this pro doesn't really exist for you. The other pro would be that you no longer have to speculate about his feelings for you, and that it would help you move along in your dating life to know definitively, one way or another. However, if it turns out that he doesn't really reciprocate your feelings, then it'd be a bad idea to have this "date me?" discussion with him now, because you won't be around to smooth out the awkwardness and make sure your friendship is still alive and kicking. So, yeah, I'd wait, unless your need to know his feelings is so all-consuming that it outweighs the problems with such a discussion that I mentioned.

–Concealocanth

Dear Silence,

I really doubt it. Unless what you tell us is something like "I believe in murder, and I'm planning on killing my roommate," you're probably okay. 

~Anne, Certainly

P.S. Don't kill your roommates.

Dear Saffron,

Not everyone who asks questions is even a student at BYU. What would the honor code office do then? Tell them to stop wearing leggings under skirts/shave their beard before they could ask any more questions?

-Marguerite St. Just

Dear Silence,

Questions asked truly are anonymous, so no, no one's going to swoop down from the HCO and snap your BYU ID in half if you admit on this forum to doing something bad. The exception would be if you pose a threat to yourself or others (plans for suicide, rape, or murder), in which case the Editors could look up your real name and alert someone appropriately situated to deal with the situation. If you look through the archives you'll find all sorts of examples of wrong-doers looking for advice, so know that if you have done something egregious you're among friends.

Readers have nothing to fear—it's only us writers who could be chastised if we step too far over the line.

-Genuine Article

Dear Arbor,

The fruitless pear tree (the stinky white blossom tree) was unfortunately struck by lightning and split in half as a literary device–hooray for symbols and foreshadowing! Here is an account from a freshman's diary of how it happened:

“No—that is the best of it,” he said.  And if I had loved him less I should have thought his semi-Argentinian accent a strange fresh-RM affectation; but, sitting by him, but roused from the nightmare of old-maidhood—called by this impromptu proposal to the paradise of marriage—I thought only of the bliss given me to drink in so abundant a flow.  Again and again he said, “Are you happy, Jane?”  And again and again I answered, “Yes.”  After which he murmured, “It will atone—it will atone.  Have I not found her as a freshman, confused, but well-fed on Dining Plus?  Will I not guard, and cherish, and give her distracting back rubs in Sacrament Meeting? Is there not love in my heart, and a Wymount contract to sign? I know BYU culture approves of what I do. For the world outside Provorem's judgment—that we have only known each other for two weeks—I wash my hands thereof.  For those heathens' opinions—I defy them.”

But what had befallen the night?  The moon had set behind the ESC, and we were all in shadow: I could scarcely see my his face, near as I was.  And what ailed the stinky fruitless pear tree? it writhed and groaned; while wind roared down the walkway, and came sweeping over us.

“We must go in,” said RM Rochester: “the weather changes. Friggin' Utah weather.  I could have sat with thee till morning, Jane.”

“And so,” thought I, “could I with you.”  I should have said so, perhaps, but a livid, vivid spark leapt out of a cloud at which I was looking, and there was a crack, a crash, and a close rattling peal; and I thought only of hiding my dazzled eyes against RM Rochester’s shoulder.

The rain rushed down.  He hurried me up the sidewalk, through the campus, and into the lobby of Hinckley Hall; but we were quite wet before we could pass the threshold. We ran into the lobby and he was taking off my jacket in the hall, and shaking the water out of my loosened hair, when my RA, Fairfax, saw us.  I did not observe her at first, nor did RM Rochester. The fluorescent light buzzed merrily.  The clock was on the stroke of twelve.

“Hasten to take off your wet things,” said he; “and before you go, good-night—good-night, my darling!”

My RA called out, "Get out of here; no men are permitted in the lobby past midnight."

***

Before I left my bed in the morning, I was listening to Adele and my roommate texted me to tell me that the great stinky fruitless pear between the Eyring and the Benson had been struck by lightning in the night, and half of it split away.

~Jane Eyre

Thanks to Jane for helping me out with this one! She's getting married on the 22nd; good luck to her!

–Concealocanth

Dear Maintenance Man,

Which 33 people on campus fit the capacity of a given elevator?

With the right people, virtually any elevator could, and for any group outside an obesity support group the freight elevator in the Clyde could probably make it happen. 

~Professor Kirke

Dear my name here,

It depends. Well, violence, sexual content, and language stay with me more in movies, but that may be for two reasons. One, more movies with those qualities initially sound interesting to me and then go down that path before I realize it; two, books allow me to imagine how I want or skip something unsavory pretty easily. Rating Pending and I were talking about this the other day and we came up with a good rule: Writers need to be good writers. Similarly, movies need to be made well. What I mean by this is that in books and movies I can deal with violence, sexual content, and language to a degree if it is done well and not gratuitous or without purpose. Here is a current example, one that many people might disagree with. The Hunger Games. Honestly, I felt like the book was a little gratuitous. The violence was just too much. But in the movie it seemed to be strategically done and even though the entire premise is one of awful violence, it didn't feel as in-my-face as the book. 

That was a strange example, especially for me, because I tend to be way more affected by violence in movies than in books. Of the three things you mentioned (violence, sexual content, and language), violence is really the one that bothers me the most, and that is mainly in movies. Next is language, and that is only if it is really harsh language, constantly, seemingly without reason. There are countless movies that I could point to with gratuitous language, but the only book that comes to mind is Kraken. It just got to a point that every page was a new, more creative than the last, swear word. On the other hand, a book like A Scanner Darkly is filled with bad language, but the usage is somehow less jarring. 

As for sexual content, well I don't think I've ever seen or read a sexually explicit work. I did, however, read Lolita recently. That novel definitely gets a bad rap, but to me all the sexual content was subtle. That was part of what made it bizarre, in fact, and I'd argue it was a great literary choice. Which brings me back to my main point and conclusion: Writers (on books or movies) need to be good writers. The premise of Lolita easily lends itself to becoming trashy erotica, but Nabakov is a skilled writer who doesn't let it go that way. 

-Mico

Dear Ersatz Elevator,

President Uchtdorf talks about airplanes in the October 2011, April 2011, October 2010, April 2010 at the General Young Women Meeting, April 2009, April 2008, April 2007, October 2006, and October 2005. If you were paying close attention, you'll have noticed that October 2009 was the last time he went an entire Conference without talking about airplanes. In my searches through lds.org I noticed that he actually talks about airplanes more often in his Ensign articles than his Conference talks. If that wasn't enough airplane talks for you, there are plenty, plenty more general authorities who mention things that happened during air travel in their talks.

–Concealocanth

Dear peacemaker,

I will not make any generalizations here about men's anger versus women's anger. I think men and women both get angry at close to equal rates (depending more on personality than biological sex), but that they express that emotion differently. But I'd like to just talk about your situation instead. First things first, it is great that you are noticing your boyfriend's behaviors now instead of being in a total puppy love phase. When dating with the goal of marriage it is so important to see how your significant other reacts in various situations. 

From what you've said here it doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend has a serious anger problem. Before I go on, I'll confess that when I was dating Mr. Mico I went through a time wondering if he didn't have an anger problem. Similar to your boyfriend, he would get incredibly angry (out of nowhere, it seemed to me) at small things. At first, I would try to calm him down. He only got more annoyed, and I quickly realized that this was just part of his personality. Sometimes he gets mad about things and the only way to deal with it is to have some alone time while the anger wears off. Nevertheless, his anger made me contemplative: would he be this way around our children someday? Would he get mad at them for something insignificant and get sour-faced and give the child the cold-shoulder? That's what he was doing to me, and it made me quite unhappy; did I want to live with that?

So, what did I do next - I confronted him about it. I didn't time it very well, though. One day we were in the car and something or other happened and he got into this angry/annoyed mood. We were quiet for a few minutes, and then I straight up told him, "When you get angry like this is, it kind of scares me." Then we had a frank conversation. He explained that he was mad and couldn't control it much. I explained that I was worried it was a more serious problem. He said he would try not to be angry, and I said I would try not to take it personally if he was (after all, we all have emotions).

Now that I've shared my experiences, let's relate it back to your situation. You asked, "At what point should I worry that his anger is a serious issue?" Really look at how often he gets mad and what his reactions are. Is it as often as you think? Is it as serious as it seems? It might be that you are noticing how angry he gets because you are looking for it, when in reality it isn't so often. Similarly, you might be taking his anger personally, making it seem more serious when it really isn't. Have you talked to him about his anger? It sounds like you have talked to his sister about it, but have you talked with him directly? If not, you should confront him about it. Ask why he gets so worked up, what can you do to help, does he think it is a problem, and so on. You don't have to take his word for it, but having open communication will help in at least two ways. One, it will allow him to see that his anger is something you notice and take account of. Two, his reaction will show you some important things about his personality - can he take criticism, is he willing to talk through issues, will he try and make improvements.

Obviously, you cannot change him. If you find that he really has an anger problem, then you should not try to stick it out. It wouldn't be worth it. There are a lot of good resources online discussing anger problems (two basic sites I found are "Identifying Anger Problems" and "Help, I Live With Someone With Anger Issues"). Perusing those sites may help you to recognize signs of serious anger problems, as well as what are considered normal and healthy ways to deal with anger. Again, I want to emphasize that you should talk with your boyfriend about your concerns. If he doesn't listen or take you seriously, find a close friend or family member to discuss your concerns since that may be another problem you should be aware of. 

This ended up being a bit longer than I intended, but hopefully it was helpful. So far it sounds like your boyfriend just expresses his frustration more vocally/intensely than you are used to, but it is never a bad idea to check for more serious problems. Good luck in your relationship. 

-Mico

Dear Peace,

I wouldn't want my sister to date that guy. We all have faults and when we choose who to date or marry, we are choosing which weaknesses we are willing to live with just as much as we are choosing which positives we are seeking. That said, I don't think my sister would be able to stay happy with anyone who is quick to anger. She would turn into a timid being and would be constantly afraid of making him angry. 

Is dating a guy like this going to change how you act around the house? Will you be constantly afraid of invoking his wrath? What about your children? Only you know how you might react to anger and nobody on this anonymous forum can tell you how serious his problem might be. Listen to Mico's advice as well, and keep in mind that just because I don't want my sister dating him doesn't mean that nobody should date him. 

 - Eliot Rosewater

Dear Fighter,

Something helpful from the Facebooks: 

Apparently, no, the two practices are not compatible.

–Concealocanth

Dear person,

And now, for the second witness. A few years back my oldest brother donated blood and then went to the gym to work out. After a few minutes of exercising, he collapsed, hitting the exercise equipment on his way down, and was rushed to the emergency room. And that's the whole story. No, you shouldn't expect to keep up your rigorous exercise routine and give blood the same day. You'll just have to switch off (Monday: give blood, Tuesday: exercise, Wednesday: give blood, and so on and so on).

-Mico

Dear Bayesian,

I really like this meatloaf recipe. Corned beef and cabbage hits the spot. I also like pot-roasts, since they are easy and can cook while I'm at school or work. I cook the roast in a crock pot on the low setting for 8 hours or so with at least two, but not all of the following ingredients (basically, whatever I have lying around): potatoes, onions, garlic, Coke, BBQ sauce, vinegar, brown sugar, carrots, Worcester sauce, mustard, and bacon.

My sister-in-law made the most delicious Roladen for Christmas Eve. Here's her recipe:

For the meat I asked the butcher to slice me some round steak. You want it about a quarter inch thick, 3x8 inches. Salt and pepper meat and spread on prepared mustard. Put bacon slices on meat. Cut lengthwise wedges of onion and dill pickle, place on meat, roll up and tie with string. Roll in flour and brown in hot oil. Add boiling water with two cubes of bullion to meat. Simmer till tender. Thicken broth to make gravy. 

-Hamilton

Dear Professor,

I admit, the godly beard (akin to that of Thor) entranced me so that I forgot myself. Alas, Watts is supposed to end up with Keith, not with a demigod, and thus I have chosen to refrain from asking Pilgrim out on a date.

However, if he is ever interested in actually going to a haunted house (which was spoken of several times, but never actually happened), I would be all over that. Like BBQ sauce on ribs. 

This sounds like the start to a beautiful, platonic friendship. 

-Watts

Dear curiosity,

I want to eat Concealocanth. Seafood, guys. 

As for the rest of the list, I have already done many of those things with Anne, Certainly. There are a few more I could potentially enjoy; maybe I will in the future. Take that as you will.

~Professor Kirke

Dear Collective,

Date? CATS
Prank? CATS
Hate? CATS
Save the life of? CATS
Watch die? CATS
Marry? CATS
Fire from the board? CATS
Ask the opinion of? CATS
Eat? CATS
Slap? CATS
Harm? CATS
Forward a Question to? CATS
Correct the Grammar of? Professor Kirke

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Just Curious,

Date: Mmm... Chris, what a hottie. Such biceps I had never seen on a mortal before.
Prank: Haha. Alicia, definitely. She has a deep-seated fear of tinfoil. I feel like I could use that to my advantage here.
Hate: I seriously hate Randy SO MUCH. What a jerk. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
Save the life of: Nicole. After all, she saved mine, back in the Caucasus... but I don't want to get into any gritty details, but it involved a one-legged man, a time machine, a Mongol Horde, and a diplomatic "misunderstanding" involving the differing qualities of arugula and spinach.
Watch die: Depends on which writer visits Reno with me first.
Marry: While Chris is hot, I wouldn't say he's exactly "eternal marriage material." Therefore... Charlie, cause he's a huge fan of The Little Mermaid, and that's pretty much the greatest movie of all time. We could watch it together, every day for eternity. <3
Fire from the board: Can't we just get rid of Randy? Guys? 
Ask the opinion of: Charlessss. He's the best shoulder to cry on, if we're not going to be literal here and bring up Chris's biceps.
Eat: Depends on which writers get stranded with me in the Sierra Nevadas.
Slap: Harry. Seriously, one more "belong in the kitchen" joke and your death/slap warrant is signed, buddy.
Harm: Tie between Harry and Randy. 
Forward a Question to: Harry. Cause while he's a chauvinist pig, he's also not half-bad as a writer.
Correct the Grammar of: Melvin. Geez, someone needs to write a program to automatically flag his answers for comma splicing. And the way he dangles his modifiers–it's SCANDALOUS, that's what it is.

Dear Ozzy,

This isn't going to be the best answer you've ever received, but it will be the best that I can do for you.

Not all of your temple garments are made at the same place. You probably have just purchased garments that come from a different plant, which results in a slightly different fit. I've also noticed, myself, that the longer I own a set of garments, the more it will stretch, which makes sense because fabric does tend to wear down over time, especially when it's frequently worn. As for the fabric softener, I don't use it, but I do put a dryer sheet in the dryer which essentially serves the same purpose, thus I don't think that really matters much. 

I'm pretty sure that there are some suggestions in the archives about keeping your whites white, but there's only so much a person can do. Everything you're already doing is what I'd suggest. Sorry. I've never claimed to be a laundry pro!

-Azriel

Dear Sufjan,

I did some checking around, and it seems that you couldn't get access to a movie set of an airplane without good inside connections for cheaper than a $70 flight. You might consider actually hopping on a plane for a fun (but expensive) day trip.

–Concealocanth