"Barring polygamy, you will break up with every person you date minus one." - Yellow
Question #90925 posted on 02/04/2018 11:56 p.m.
Q:

Dear Entomophagist,

It's time for you to leave, sir.

-The Entomophagist

A:

Dear Clone,

And so it is.

I had hoped to delay my retirement until I officially graduated, had been a writer for two full years, and/or had reached some arbitrary answer count milestone, but it's just too much for me now. It has been a long while since I've been able to fulfill this responsibility to my satisfaction. In the eloquent words of Bilbo Baggins, "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."

To my now former colleagues in the writership, it was a pleasure to know you. I can only hope to have added as much to your lives as each of you have added to mine. Maybe we can see each other again sometime when I'm back in Provo.

To you readers, thank you for your questions. My wish is that I could have been a net benefit to you as a writer, even though I'm sure I ruffled some feathers along the way.

I don't have a ring of power to blame for my problems, or any elf buddies that I can crash with until I feel better, but it's still time to say goodbye. That is, at least until Alumni Week.

Take care of yourselves,

-The Entomophagist

Question #90920 posted on 02/04/2018 6:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Anatomy has always kind of weirded me out, but I'm about to get married and would like to go into my marriage not completely clueless. Are there good LDS "How to have good and healthy sex" books out there?

-Definitely Anonymous

A:

Dear Anonymous,

Anatomy and sex are different things, so if it's just an anatomy lesson you're after, these books might not help you as much. However, one book that someone gave me when I got married was Becoming One: Intimacy in Marriage, by Stahman, Young, and Grover. The authors are all LDS doctors, and two of them are men and one of them is a woman, so they give pretty comprehensive advice.

This website also has a list of books that are apparently great for learning about sex from a Christian standpoint, although I can't speak personally for any of the books on the list. Amazon has good reviews for them, though, and I've heard about some of them before in good terms, so you might like at least a few of them.

Also, from your question it looks like you're a bit reticent about talking about sex. I know it can be awkward, but this is just my plug to please, please talk with your fiance about sex. It's entirely possible that neither of you will really know what you're talking about yet, and your ideas may well change after you're actually married, but it's important for both of you to know what your expectations and boundaries are. And if you think it's awkward to talk about sex with your fiance, just remember that you're actually going to be having sex with them soon, and communication is key.

-Alta

A:

Dear Anonymous,

It's definitely a good idea to have some kind of background knowledge in human anatomy and sexuality, but I don't think a clinical understanding is necessarily going to assuage all of your concerns or nervousness. I could be way off base on this, but if both you and your future spouse are LDS, there's a good chance that he/she is just as ignorant about sex as you are. I definitely second Alta's advice to talk about sex with each other, but it might also be helpful to keep in mind that sex is a learning experience. It may not be great at the beginning, but the more sex you have, the more you'll grow to appreciate and understand what you like and what your spouse likes. You'll learn and grow together, which will make for a good and healthy sex life.

As a disclaimer, I'm just about as single as you can be, so I can't claim to be an expert on the subject, but I would imagine having sex is just like any other skill: it takes time and practice to improve and excel. Starting out feeling clueless or ignorant doesn't mean you're doomed to mediocrity, and you and your spouse can work together to fulfill each other's needs.

Love,

Luciana

Question #90874 posted on 02/04/2018 12:05 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board Writers,

Woah you guys were fast! I almost didn't have your next question ready, way to go!
Brilliant thinking on finding the stealthiest least conspicuous owl GoD (was your acro 'nym intentional?)
Barn owls are gorgeous, and it's cool to have your face be literal sound-wave dishes (also their wing feathers are serrated so their flight is soundless; so cool!). For what it's worth, that's probably what I'd have picked too, Alta and Bobalugats (and I'm glad you aren't getting a Screech Owl, Alta, because I would be terrified if that showed up at my window. I feel like it's judging the worth of my soul, and I'm not meeting the bar, and the doctrine of mercy just expired yesterday. Or something like that).
Very fair point Ento, and you can always borrow a school owl when you need to send a letter anyhow.
Love the challenge Anathema, great solution, and I really hope you can put the same engorgement charms on all the rats your owl will need to eat. On second thought, how about you don't make giant rats. Cows are plentiful enough.
Pictures of the Mitty Kitty? :)

So,
Which of these nightmares would be the scariest for you?
-You are standing on a very high place and suddenly realize there are no railings or hand holds, nor footholds, nor anything to prevent you falling.
-You wake one day and discover that your family and friends have no idea who you are (I'll leave it to you, Anathema, to decide if your enemies still know who you are).
-All is normal, except you can only speak in this ridiculously silly voice that hardly anyone can understand, and everyone laughs at you.
-You are locked in a dark windowless room, when an eye appears at the keyhole.

-Vector

A:

Dear Vector,

Oh, my family and friends forgetting me. Definitely.

Though if I suddenly got control of my nightmare, I would have secret magical agents approach me, tell me they have a mission for me, and that they only temporarily wiped the minds of my family and friends to protect me while on my mission. However, once I completed the mission, they would restore their memories. Then I would be sent off to spy on Voldemort or something. Maybe discover I have magical powers along the way. Utterly riddikulus, I know.

-guppy of doom

A:

Dear Vector,

Heights. Always heights. I am terrified of heights.

-Mitty

A:

Dear Vector,

Definitely being forgotten. My biggest fear is being abandoned by the people I love, and while this isn’t quite the same, it sounds truly terrifying nonetheless.

Love,

Luciana

A:

Dear Linear,

In dreams I roam
While darkened night sits tall upon her throne
And reap what fears the day has sown
To find myself

Falling.

Isn't it jarring?
To find myself falling.

My feet are planted
My gaze is steady
And yet I am falling.

Thrashing, freewheeling, heart aching
For sorrow, inner turmoil making.

My friends by the wayside have gone
Leaving me to wait long
For lost memories to turn on
In the meantime all I have is

Falling.

Failing.

Sailing

Away from me
Leaving the question of what it is I am to be
For in the darkness all I can see
Is the eye of my mind turned topsy turvy

And all I know

Is Falling.

~Anathema

P.S. It would, of course, be cheating to take advantage of built in loop holes, as with the point about my enemies (which--to my knowledge--are nonexistent as  far as sentient beings are concerned). 

A:

Dear V for Vector,

To me being forgotten would definitely be the most scary. It would be like being alone even if you were with family or friends. I'd lose my mind.

Peace,

Tipperary

A:

Dear Vector,

Being forgotten sounds horrifying in a long-term, life would be terrible and meaningless kind of way. But suddenly seeing eyes appear at a keyhole would be more of a get my heart beating fast, jump-scare kind of thing.

-Alta

A:

Vector,

Well this guy is my literal nightmare so if the silly voice is anything like his I choose that one. 

Babalugats

A:

Dear V,

I'd probably go with being forgotten. My biggest fear is being alone and having no one that cares about me, and that sounds about like what you're describing. Although I feel like in a very short term, visceral way, I'd go with the falling one. It's not quite as deep.

The being forgotten dream would be even worse if it was a dream within a dream. I often wake up from previous dreams in my dreams, and then am that much more convinced that what is happening is real. I'd be much more concerned if I had just woken up from a dream in my dream, because I'm usually much more emotionally invested in those dreams. 

Anyway, that's a weird thing about me that's probably kind of hard to understand.

Keep it real,
Sherpa Dave