A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent
Question #92839 posted on 01/08/2020 8:42 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Are you the type of person who likes white lights or colored lights on a Christmas tree?

-Ornament

A:

Dear you,

White lights are certainly the superior option.

-Sunday Night Banter

Yes, I am that type of person.

A:

Dear Ornamental,

Definitely white lights, though I am very glad for the variety available, especially when going to see the lights at Temple Square. It just wouldn't be as magnificent without all the different colors. 

~Anathema

A:

Dear Ornament,

These crazy fools, colored lights are SO much better. It brings more happiness (to me)! Carl and I just bought a pre-lit tree this year and it does white and colored lights. I only used the white lights setting as I was decorating the tree to ensure I wasn't putting two blue/red/green ornaments next to each other. But after that, we've only had it on the colored setting.

-Goldie Rose

A:

Dear cat toy,

If you're going for elegant, then white lights. If you're going for kids-helped-me-decorate, then colored lights. 

So basically I'll be on the white lights team for another 5 years and then hopefully I'll join the colored lights side.

-guppy of doom

A:

Dear orn kit,

White lights work better on trees; colored lights are more appealing general decorations. But if someone decides to change things up and make a Christmas tree that shines with more colors than a pro gamer's RGB backlit computer tower, more power to them.

Genuinely,

9S

Question #92837 posted on 01/08/2020 8:18 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

About a year ago was the first time I "officially" dated someone. She was a super awesome person and a lot of things were great, but there were also some things that didn't quite click and maybe the timing wasn't quite right, so we only dated for a couple months. However, one thing that was completely my fault was that I had a hard time committing to the relationship completely because of one or two other people that I had been interested in at the time we started dating, and then I couldn't help but wonder if I would rather be dating one of them. Again, COMPLETELY my fault and I still wonder sometimes if things would have been different if I could have focused and committed instead of letting the fear of missing out on other people stress me out. (Note: I wasn't cheating or anything, I was just stressed out about maybe a better opportunity out there, and that made it hard for me to give my best effort in the relationship.)

So now it's a year later, and there's someone I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with more seriously... but there's a couple of other people I'm interested in too. And I can already feel that same situation from before happening again. I know it's dumb, and I wish I could just press a "not-interested-in-anyone-else" button to get rid of it, but of course there's not one.

The other annoying thing is that I have been interested in friends before and REALLY been interested, to the point of knowing that I would be 100% okay giving up any other "potential" relationships to be with them. They ended up not being interested in me, and that's how dating goes. But I think those experiences get in my head, like "if I'm still kind of interested in other people, does that mean I'm not actually interested in this one person enough to pursue a relationship with them? If I was really interested I wouldn't care about other potential relationships." And it seems like it would be a good idea to just go for it and see what happens, because at least then I'm not paralyzed and stagnant with indecision, but I worry about a repeat of my first relationship and I really really don't want that.

So I guess my question is, if I'm still wondering about potential relationships with other girls, am I even ready to pursue a relationship with just one? And if I am, or could be, how can I actually focus on just the one relationship and not let "what could be" get in the way?

Or am I supposed to wait until I am so interested in someone that I really don't care about missing other potential relationships? I would love to do this, but it's been a very long time since I had a situation like that...and they were never interested in me anyway...

-I really hate breaking up with people and I would like to avoid it as much as possible

A:

Dear you,

Congratulations on entering the dating world! It's a scary, yet thrilling world of always second guessing, which makes your situation very normal. Seriously, don't feel like you are the only one who struggles with FOMO. I guess the first thing I would say is that I don't believe in soulmates, so I don't think there is only one girl that you can marry. I know that's not the substance of your question, but I think it's important to come to terms with having no soulmate. The second thing I would say is don't worry about taking things slow.

If you have multiple people that you are interested in dating, so you should take the time to vet your options. Sure, you might want to pursue multiple people, but are multiple of those people interested in you? In my situation, I also had multiple people that I was interested in. However, only two of them were really available options. The others were just crushes that I knew weren't really an option (they weren't interested in me or were otherwise unavailable). I started dating one of my options and gradually my interest in the other person waned until I proposed to the person I was dating. We ended up getting married and now have a two year old daughter. 

If I would have pursued the other person, would that relationship blossomed? I can't say for sure, but I think it probably would have. How did I know that I should stop pursuing her? I don't have a really good answer here, dating the other person just kept feeling right and I never had a moment of paralyzing fear. 

So my advice is try to go on dates with several girls. You'll remember that going on a date is much different than being in a dating relationship. You shouldn't feel bad going on dates with multiple people until you have a mutual commitment from a girl that you two are exclusively dating. After you have gone on dates with the girls you are interested in, then you can try to gauge their interest level in you. If you can't quite decide, try asking them on another date or just ask them how interested they are. Once again, there's nothing wrong with this.

Anyways, please don't be afraid of taking things slow and making sure you properly vet your options. The last thing you want to do is get married and always wonder what would have happened if you had pursued a different girl that you were interested in.

I hope that helps!

-Sunday Night Banter

A:

Dear Aziraphale,

What matters here isn't so much the relationship potential any single girl has but how motivated you are to realize a relationship with her. Given some baseline conditions (like non-abusive, basically good), who you date isn't nearly as important as both of you having the motivation to make things work. And if you're still figuring out what makes a girl worth it to romantically pursue, then this is a great learning experience. Not every relationship needs to have lasting romantic consequences to contribute to your personal development, and thus be worthwhile.

~Anathema

posted on 01/08/2020 6:51 p.m.
Here’s a thought to help you understand why you have sometimes been willing to disregard all other potential dating partners and other times been unsure of doing that. It’s due to your brain’s familiarity and comfort with a subject (I’m not a social scientist or anything, this is just my considered theory).

With good friends, you have presumably spent enough time/conversation with them that you know them pretty well. Your brain decides that it has enough information to decide that you are very interested in the person, thus your brain is okay with the idea of letting go of other possibilities. Your brain doesn’t view it as an enormous risk to let go of other dating people, because you know the friend well and are reasonable certain that you really do want to date them.

On the other hand, when you have multiple lesser-known dating possibilities, your brain doesn’t have as much information about them and is much less sure if you actually do or don’t want to date any specific one of them. So choosing a less familiar person and disregarding all the others seems rather risky to your brain, and your brain continues to analyze other options to figure out your optimal solution (i.e. second-guess who you are dating and if you should be dating someone else).

This does NOT mean, of course, that you can’t date someone if you haven’t been good friends with them first! It’s just helpful to understand what is (likely) going on with your brain, so you can try to come to terms with any conflicting or confusing feelings. You will, hopefully, have more confidence in dating knowing that nothing is wrong with you or your date(s) just because you are not yet sure about committing to just one person. As you continue to get to know the person, your brain should become more comfortable and sure of your dating decisions- good luck!