Dear Guesthouse,

I am very much an ENFP. Over the past few years I've started to move closer and closer toward ISTJ, yet I still remain in ENFP territory. You should have seen my ENFP-ness 6 years ago.

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear person,

Somewhere between ENFP and ENFJ. 

-Sheebs

Dear Guesthouse,

I usually vacillate between ISTJ and ISFJ. I took the test again today to see where I would fall, and ended up an INFJ, which is surprising. I've never been an N before but I took two different versions of the test and got the same results, so I guess my personality has evolved recently.

Love,

Luciana

Dear Guesthouse,

INFJ. This is the result I've consistently gotten over the years.

~Anathema

Dear potato-flinger,

I got INTJ when I was in high school, but a much more recent (but not, like, that recent) gave a solid INFJ.

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz

Dear Guesthouse,

I'm a pretty solid ENFP (but will occasionally turn up as an ENFJ). Apparently to be a Board writer you must either be INFJ or ENFP, haha.

-Alta

Dear Hmmm,

I went to Taco Bell before midnight and sober.

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear !:-)&!:-(,

It began with a simple order of a bacon cheeseburger, fries (with dipping sauces), and strawberry milkshake. Now, it's pretty common for people to take a couple of things off their burger and place it off to the side in the designated future garbage zone. This unwanted item is often a tomato slice or piece of lettuce. I took off the meat patty, cheese, and bacon, and proceeded to consume just the bun with condiments and sad 'vegetables' that are added for probably just aesthetic appeal. To wrap up this heinous culinary crime, I dipped my french fries in my milkshake. After mixing in the dipping sauces into said shake.

~Anathema

*Please note this account is entirely fictitious, and is instead a hypothetical for something so terrible police would have to come to stop it

Dear Meow,

1. If you're as eager to date and marry as you say, I'm not sure why you need more convincing.  Are you not going on dates at all, or are you going on dates with people you aren't particularly interested in? I guess either way, my advice is that you ask out people you're attracted to. Those dates will give you opportunities to see if the qualities you currently find enticing are the same qualities you would want in a long-term relationship/marriage. If you're having trouble finding men that you're attracted to and meet your worthiness criteria, then do everything in your power to meet more men. Give Mutual another try, or try other online dating options. Go to stake activities or spend a Sunday visiting at a friend's ward. You say that you're interesting, which is good confidence, but try to come across enticing on your interactions. Flirt, tell amusing stories, bat your eyelashes.

2. My grandmother used to say that you marry who you date. It sounds as though marrying an LDS man is very important to you, despite your current frustrations. Personally I've learned a lot about myself and what I want from life by dating non-LDS men, so I encourage you to date whomever you find yourself interested in. But keep in mind that you could date, fall in love, and want to get married with whomever you date. If a temple marriage is what you want, then naturally dating LDS men is going to be a better route. But if you want love and marriage, your field of availability will widen if you don't limit yourself to the church. Figure out what your priorities are and go from there, but I definitely don't think there's any harm in going out with a non-LDS man or two.

3. If you're frustrated with dating, and that resentment is spilling over into other aspects of your life, then maybe you should just take a break from it. I know that's contrary to my other advice, but I think it's an equally viable option. Don't rely on the thought of a future relationship to make you happy. Spend more time with friends, or make more friends. Find more hobbies, or become an expert at existing hobbies. Read classic books you've always wanted to, or binge that TV show everyone keeps recommending. Do something every day to make yourself happy. In the process, you may find that you aren't quite as terrified at the thought of being single.

As far as criticisms of the Church go, you may find benefit in airing them. If you have a Relief Society or Sunday School lesson about dating or marriage, you could express your frustrations or raise the idea that while marriage is a perfectly desirable goal, it's not the only way to be happy. I'm sure you're not alone in your feelings, and other people will probably appreciate your thoughts.

I don't want to be single at 30 or 40 either, but sometimes what we want does not coincide with what God has planned for us. And yeah, that sucks, but if you believe he has a plan for you, take advantage of your singledom. Book a trip without consulting anyone, eat ice cream for dinner, flirt with everyone you see. Do whatever makes you happy, and learn to embrace life whether or not you have a boyfriend. Hopefully that way you'll be happier whether a man comes along or not.

Love,

Luciana

Meow,

I'm going to attempt an answer, because I could really benefit from thinking about this. You've chosen some interesting words, which I think describe how a lot of people feel. Terrified, stressed, lack, and anger are the ones that stand out to me. I definitely relate. 

A few tips:

Be honest. Admit to yourself, and your friends/family that you want a spouse, and be heavy-handed about it. Sometimes it's hard to be loud about a desire to be married/in a relationship. We don't want to be "that person", who seems not to have enough life on their own. Screw that. If you want it, allow yourself to make it a focus. Ask friends to set you up. Say yes to all activities. When you attend these activities set a goal for talking to new people rather than friends. I once set the goal to talk to my friends only 20% of the activity and spend 80% talking to new people. It sucked and I failed. But I talked to 1 new person because of it. If you need to start with an easier goal like 60% friends and 40% new people, that's fine too. Just push yourself. 

Get creative. Get curious about people.  It's easier to get excited when you have an attitude of self-efficacy, creation, and curiosity. When you're creating your dating experience it becomes a lot more fun. You can make things happen. People are amazing to learn about and it's just such a wonder and an honor to get to know them. 

Make a goal. I know it sucks. I'm not usually a goal-oriented person. I almost immediately shut down when someone tells me to set goals. So I don't want any of this to come across like a self-help "steps to success" kind of advice. But no matter how much I hate goal setting, I can't get away from the need to push myself outside my comfort zone. Usually that includes pushing myself outside myself. Marriage is not about ourselves. It's about other people. So lately I've found that the stuff I have to do to date better is also the stuff I have to do to be a better disciple. An example: A goal I found helpful is to pick someone I barely know who I see regularly, and focus on getting to know that one person. I'd try to sit by them at church, say hello first, ask questions. Once I got comfortable with them and conversation was easy, I chose a new person to focus on. I love this because I immediately clam up when I think too much about dating/flirting. This just felt like the right thing to do. It was more about investing in individuals until they knew I was on their side. It helped take the edge off of interactions, and I now feel comfortable asking them out if I ever wanted to. I also get really overwhelmed when I look at a crowded room and think about trying to interact. So it helped me block out the anxiety of approaching a crowd, and focus instead on the presence and existence of this one person. This one guy I thought was kinda cute turned out to be not my type. But because I had made the effort, he knows we're friends and has someone to talk to. He said the other day: "Thanks for being my friends guys. This is the first ward in like eight years I've really felt welcome in."

About the fear, stress, despair (I'll explain that word in a minute), and anger:

It's okay that you feel these things. Rational. Inevitable maybe. It might be weird if you didn't have have to face them in dating. I don't have anything special to say about any of those except for the despair thing. I relate that word strongly to your use of the word lack. I've read in a lot of books, heard in a lot of youtube videos, and been told by a lot of friends that I should never approach dating believing in scarcity. If you believe there is a "general lack of available, worthy guys" you will date differently. That belief does not serve you. It causes you to compromise, undervalue yourself, and be suspicious of the guys that could turn out to be wonderful. I think this belief is also related to something I've identified in myself and in your question. I call it despair. That word is like SUUUPER dramatic and I know that. I freaked me out when it first came to mind¹ because I thought it meant rock bottom, total wreckage, absolute hopelessness. But really it just means loss of hope. Believing in lack. Believing in scarcity.

Maybe it's real. Maybe there is a lack of available worthy guys. But it's more subjective than that, and it's also bringing us down to keep thinking that way. Despair is dramatic, but that's exactly what this feeling is. And it takes active effort to replace it with faith. 

So, to directly answer your questions:

1) Cultivate hope and faith that what you want really can happen. You can do this by being honest with yourself and others about what you want. Be creative about your approach to dating, be curious. Set goals.

2) Listen to Luciana.

3) I would really encourage you to take it to Heavenly Father. When I've been frustrated with dating and prayed about it, Heavenly Father has never responded with "well The Family Proclamation says...". It has always been comfort and advice about how I can feel better about my life and about Him. He has helped me remove The Church from the equation and get down to what I really want. He has helped me eject the opinions and thoughts of everyone around me. He has taught me to practice faith in Him, in myself, in men in general. He knows what you need to heal and move forward. 

Babalugats

¹  I was at church. A friend of mine walked in with a wonderful girl, and it was clear they were "together." And freaking dang it hurt. There was this oof-pang that I did not understand. I instantly started running some emotional diagnostics. Why did that hurt? Are you jealous? I'm not jealous. I don't want to date that guy, and they are honestly perfect together. Are you sure you're not jealous? Are you happy for them? No like yeah I'm really sure I'm not jealous. I'm actually really glad this is finally happening for them. It's perfect. And then like really clearly a nether-thought came into my head saying "look up the word despair" and I was like hahaha woahh there. DESPAIR hahaha that's hilarious. so dramatic. And then the Spirit was like "Just go look. It's free." So I looked it up.

noun: the complete loss or absence of hope.    verb: lose or be without hope.

It totally hit me, and I instantly knew what had happened. This gorgeous kind happy couple found each other, and though I was outrageously happy for them I didn't have hope for me. I despaired a little. I lost hope for a second that maybe I wouldn't ever have that. And I really think that is the part that hurts in all this. So I worked at it with Heavenly Father. Thanked him for sending the spirit to help me figure that out. Repented and started asking for, studying, and practicing faith. Still working on it, and still despairing every once and a while. But it helped to be honest about what was happening when I get irrationally sad about dating. You gotta have a vision of what you really want, and you gotta have hope that you can have it. 

Dear meow, who hopes not to offend any other "older" single people out there,

I doubt you expected to get the perspective of a 31-year-old single queer atheist when you wrote this question, but here we are. Welcome to alumni week!

I have the least satisfying advice of all time: challenge your fear. It terrifies you that you may still be single at 30. Why? I went to BYU too (obviously), and I understand Mormon culture intimately, and so I get it. But really, why are you so afraid? Just because a culture or a belief system places heavy value on something doesn't mean it is worth the kind of intense pressure you are clearly placing on yourself. Don't get swept up in it unchallenged. Don't lose perspective. Men are that they might have joy, yeah? So focus on having joy, today, regardless of this or other circumstances. Take care of yourself. If you fall in love, make sure they are a good and whole person, whoever they are, and make sure you are whole and thriving with or without them. Your life is about more than the family you may someday have.

You are going to have the opportunity yet for a lot of loves. Allow for that, and don't worry so much about forcing it. You only get to ride this rock around our nearest star 80 or so times. Focus on enjoying it and taking excellent care of yourself.

- The Black Sheep, who is the most single she has ever been

Dear Nanny,

I thought I’d be married by the time I was 21. Instead, I went on my first date EVER a few months before turning 21. I thought I’d be married by the time I was 23. Instead, my fiancé called things off and I moved to California to pursue other dreams. I thought I’d be married before I turned 25. Instead I went on a handful of casual dates before finding myself in Taiwan. I thought I wasn’t going to get married, ever. Instead I started dating my husband (who was not a member at the time) soon after telling him I was pretty sure the man I was meant to marry had been hit by a bus and killed in Asia (Fun fact, my husband is from China and has, in fact, seen someone hit and killed by a bus in China). I was 5 months away from turning 30 when we got married. Although by that time he had been baptized, we did not have a temple marriage as had been my life-long dream. In fact, we weren’t sealed until just this past October. It was a long, sometimes difficult path to get to where we are today.

We don’t always want to do things. And in this case, I think Black Sheep has some excellent advice. Face that fear. Chase down some other dreams. Realize that there are worse things in life than being Single. I hate to break it to you, but 30 is really not that old. I shudder to think what I would be like had I married younger. I didn’t even know who I really was then! I didn’t think I could do things just because I wanted to (like work at Disneyland or move overseas by myself).

-Az

Dear meow,

Alumni Week is a really great time to ask this question, because you get the benefit of a bunch of older writers who can all laugh at the idea of anyone thinking 26 is "old" and hopefully give you some perspective.

Questions about dating non-members are going to be very personal and everyone will have different perspectives. I can only offer that it will let you meet and get to know many more men that can still be good and kind and faithful. There are women who put their entire lives on hold waiting to date the "right kind" of man and find as the years go by they're left with nothing but bitterness at the Church and a hope in the next life. If you're marriage-minded... I say you should make your own choices and live your own life and search for happiness on your own terms, regardless of others' expectations.

But, another point I want to make is those of us well into our 30s have almost all witnessed our friends' divorces, abusive relationships, faith crises, and life-changing experiences by now. You change a lot between 25 and 35, almost as much as you do between 15 and 25. And if there's anything I'd want someone in your place in life to know, it's that marriage is absolutely wonderful but being single is much, much better than being in a bad marriage. In OR out of the church.

You have freedom and opportunity. You have tremendous potential. You can focus on getting to know who you really are. I can't tell you how many friends I know that got married in their early 20s, and by 30 or 35 or 40 realize that they are a completely different person or that their spouse is a completely different person. Now, life happens, and with hard work almost anything can be resolved. And I know people who have had to start over completely and now find themselves happier and healthier than ever before. But it's heartbreaking, soul humbling work. It's infinitely easier to have a firm sense of yourself before getting into a relationship that you'll be happy in for the rest of your life.

Focus on investing into your best self. Define what your life's goals look like. Decide what's negotiable and non-negotiable. This will take years, but will give you the strength to know when to accept what you weren't necessarily looking for, and when to walk away.

You're going to be just fine. You're SO young. You'll make it happen, and when you do you'll look back on this as a process that made you stronger.

-Cognoscente

Dear you,

It's okay to be afraid. I think it's very natural to fear that someone won't love us enough to want to spend the rest of their life with us. However, I don't think it's healthy to live your life guided by this fear. Control what you can and then let the rest work itself out. And if my life is any evidence, it will work itself out.

Good luck!

-Sunday Night Banter

Dear Centennial,

You can find the Church policy on funerals in section 18.6 of Handbook 2 Administering the Church. Section 18.6.8 addresses funeral services for nonmembers. Here's what it says: "Bishops may offer the use of Church meetinghouses for the funeral services of nonmembers. Such services generally may be held in the manner prescribed by the deceased person’s church. However, rituals of other churches or of outside organizations may not be performed in a Church meetinghouse. If the family desires, the service may be conducted by a clergyman of the person’s church, provided it is dignified and appropriate." I assume that ex-communicated members of the church fall under the category of nonmembers. If any readers have further information on the subject please feel free to drop a correction.

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear friend, 

Tough question.

I'd say it's appropriate if you have covered your other bases before you resorted to asking for mediation. That includes trying to work it out person to person first. There are plenty of resources for having a productive, conflict-resolving conversation. You should let the other person know that you still want to be friends with them and that you would like to move past your current problems, and want to know what to do to make that happen. Explain how you are feeling, that you don't want to feel that way anymore, explore ways that you may have contributed to the problem and how you want to make things right, etc. 

If you have already tried this and it hasn't worked, it would be wise to talk to the mutual friend and ask simply for advice - keeping in mind to speak civilly of the third person, because after all, you are friends. Discuss what's bothering you and why you'd like to fix it. Be open to their comments, knowing that they might say something that you disagree with, or that put some blame on you. They, as your friend, will have your best interest in mind and hopefully will be candid and helpful. Ask them, during this conversation (if it feels right) if they would want to help you talk to the third person, just to mediate, or help create a space where there can actually be productive conversation... or at least so they can stand there and say, "You guys need to get this crap sorted out because it's driving me crazy," which has been a catalyst to things working out for me in the past.

There isn't really a specific time that I can say would be appropriate, but there are a few times that it would be inappropriate to ask them to be your mediator: 

• During an emotional period in their life - avoiding stressful times like finals, before weddings, etc. Ask the person first to get to know how they're doing before asking them to mediate... the same also applies to the third person you are wanting to talk to. 
• Avoid busy times like holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions in their life. It's not supposed to be about you at that time. 
• Consider when they are working or have other obligations that they need to handle first. 
• Think about other factors like anxiety, depression, their current relationship with the person, etc. 

When you have the green light on all of those, go ahead and ask for some help in patching up this relationship with your friend. You don't need to feel guilty for asking - that's what friends are for (as long as there are plenty of other healthy parts of your friendship to balance it out.)  

As for me, I haven't been a mediator, per se, but I have been a sounding board for both sides of an argument and tried to give unbiased advice to both of them. It's a little bit draining, and it's frustrating to watch your friends be mad at each other, often over something stupid, but I was glad to try and help out. What I learned is that things would be more easily solved if people would just be honest with each other about their feelings and admit when they might be wrong about something. You need to be willing to swallow your pride and tell your friend that you care about them. Sometimes it just takes one person stepping above the drama to shake things back into perspective, and I truly hope that works for you. Another thing I learned is that most of the time, you just need some time and space apart from each other. Conflicts can fizzle out when you just let them be for a while, and let the emotion drain from the issue so you can get back to speaking terms. 

My last piece of advice for you is one that shouldn't be considered until you have 1) tried to solve things yourself, 2) sought advice from the mutual friend and proposed the idea of mediation, 3) given the issue enough time to cool a bit, and 4) tried to make amends with your friend in all possible ways, and given them multiple chances. If all of those things have yielded nothing and the friend still wants to give you the silent treatment, then you may have to consider the possibility that they don't care as much about your friendship as you do, and it may be best to part ways. This happens sometimes and it's very sad, but if you do everything in your power to try to work it out with someone and they're just not having it, then you are not the one at fault and you just need to get that toxicity out of your life. Eventually, things work out and you'll be satisfied with the outcome as long as you tried your best and did what you good. I wish you the best of luck. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear Portia,

Part of me was really hoping for Chaotic Good because that would be so much fun. However, I ended up with Neutral Good. In the end I'm happy with the results. I'm also happy that at the time I wrote this not a single writer was an evil alignment. This means we're doing a great job of putting on a show while we prepare for world domination we're all good people and that makes me happy.

Peace,

Tipperary

P.S. Here's the official alignment quiz if anyone would like to take it.

Dear Queen Portia, 

I got a Lawful Good Human Monk (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 17
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 15

Alignment:
Lawful Good- A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Monks- Monks are versatile warriors skilled at fighting without weapons or armor. Good-aligned monks serve as protectors of the people, while evil monks make ideal spies and assassins. Though they don't cast spells, monks channel a subtle energy, called ki. This energy allows them to perform amazing feats, such as healing themselves, catching arrows in flight, and dodging blows with lightning speed. Their mundane and ki-based abilities grow with experience, granting them more power over themselves and their environment. Monks suffer unique penalties to their abilities if they wear armor, as doing so violates their rigid oath. A monk wearing armor loses their Wisdom and level based armor class bonuses, their movement speed, and their additional unarmed attacks per round.

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear Portia,

I'm slightly concerned about being a Neutral on the Good/Evil scale, but oh well. I'll embrace the ambiguity I guess.

Love,

Luciana

Dear Doctor,

I thought I'd done this already, but I couldn't find my screenshots, so here's the re-do. I used the test that includes what character type I'd be.

I Am A: True Neutral Human Cleric (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-9
Dexterity-10
Constitution-6
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-13
Charisma-12

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Detailed Results:

Well, at the very least, I'm not evil. I think my focus on intelligence definitely made my bias towards wisdom type characters. 

-Tally M.

Dear porsche,

I always considered myself a Chaotic Good Paladin, and while I did get strong marks in those, I ended up a Neutral Good Wizard on Tally M's test. That's what I get for having high INT and CON (I'm smart, and I'll drink you under the table) and low DEX and WIS (I'm clumsy, and foolish enough to try to drink you under the table).

Alignment:
Neutral Good- A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

-Cognoscente

Dear Portia,

According to Tally M.'s test, I am a lawful good elf cleric!

You know what, considering that at one bizarre point in high school, I actually considered joining some sort of monastery (how that would have worked out as a hormonal teenage Mormon, I didn't know), I'll take it.

-Van Goff, whose D&D character is a lawful neutral halfling monk

Dear Portia,

According to the quiz link Tipperary provided, I am neutral neutral.

~Anathema

Dear Portia,

Here are my results.

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXX (3)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Evil ---- XX (2)

I used to think I was neutral good, but given my recent development from minarchist libertarianism to borderline anarchism, I expected to get chaotic good. I was only off by one point.

-The Entomophagist

Dear Portia,

I took the test from the link in Tally's answer. Here are the results:

Alignment: Lawful Good

I got 26 points towards Lawful Good, 22 each towards Neutral Good and Lawful Neutral, and 20 towards Chaotic Good. This makes perfect sense; if I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm a naturally lawful good person who believes that the morally correct alignment is neutral good.

Strength: 11
Dexterity: 10
Constitution: 11
Intelligence: 17
Wisdom: 11
Charisma: 11

Again, no surprises here. I might have had wisdom on the Board, but I sure don't have it in real life.

Race: Elf

Elf won with 18 points, followed by Human with 13. I get it, I'm scrawny and introverted and all of the other basic races don't fit me at all.

Profession: Wizard

Wizard got 18 points; Cleric, Druid, Monk, Paladin, and Sorcerer each got 14. I can't complain.

-yayfulness

Dear Portia,

My intuition and both quizzes confirmed that I am neutral good. Like yayfulness, I am a scrawny elf wizard with a high intelligence. I do have moderate dexterity, but everything else is pretty low.

-El-ahrairah

Alignment: Neutral Good - A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race: Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class: Paladins- Paladins take their adventures seriously, and even a mundane mission is, in the heart of the paladin, a personal test an opportunity to demonstrate bravery, to learn tactics, and to find ways to do good. Divine power protects these warriors of virtue, warding off harm, protecting from disease, healing, and guarding against fear. The paladin can also direct this power to help others, healing wounds or curing diseases, and also use it to destroy evil. Experienced paladins can smite evil foes and turn away undead. A paladin's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast. Many of the paladin's special abilities also benefit from a high Charisma score.

Secondary Class: Sorcerers- Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.

-Sheebs

Dear Chaotic Neutral,

I got Lawful Good Elf Wizard, which didn't surprise me at all.

Strength: 11
Dexterity: 12
Constitution: 13
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 13
Charisma: 12

My second highest race and class were Human & Cleric. Considering my first-ever D&D character was an Elf Wizard, and my current character is a half-elf Cleric, maybe I should try to actually roleplay someone who isn't basically myself sometime...

-Owlet

Dear,

In the shorter one, Lawful Neutral.

In the longer one, Chaotic Neutral Human Monk, 3rd Level. (Chaotic Good & Lawful Neutral were both 1-point runners up, though.)

-Uffish Thought

Dear Serious,

I had this idea to get silhouettes of my kids made for my mom for Christmas, but they were super expensive. So I decided to learn how to do it myself with Photoshop. While taking pictures of my kids, my daughter (who really didn't understand what was going on) took some liberties. I rolled with it and printed out a nice silhouette for my mom:

Also, my son is on a serious Minnie Mouse kick right now. I love this picture of him:

Best,

The Man with a Mustache

Dear Seriously

-My 6yo is very interested in outer space, so when the images of the black holes were in the news, I showed them to him. I explained how the image was captured, and his eyes went wide and he said "Wait, so that picture is from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away!"

-When I was picking up my 4yo from preschool, he held up a leaf and, completely dead serious, looked me in the eyes and said, "Do not lose this. It looks like a leaf, but it's really our map to outer space." 

-I went in to check on the same child pretty late one night, and he was still awake, and when I asked him why he was having trouble sleeping he said, "Sometimes I just think about Chewbacca." He adores Chewbacca, so this was more of I-need-to-think-about-my-friend staying awake, not an I'm-scared-of-the-growling-alien staying awake.

-Just the other day I was working, and he came and tapped me to get my attention and I asked him what was up. He said, "Daddy. When I was 3 I was silly but I didn't know it. Now, I'm 4 and I'm still silly. But I know it. I am silly. I think when I'm 10, I'm going to be so, so, so silly. Like, the silliest kid ever. Thanks." And then he left.

-Humble Master

Dear Amy,

Lil' M. is adorable, inquisitive, and hilarious.

In no particular order, here are some funny things he's done or does:

• He used to pick up things with his mouth; we're pretty sure he learned to do that from our dog.
• He'll randomly walk around in a tight circle; I think he likes being dizzy?
• If you put your hands on your head and say "hands on head?" he'll put his hands on his head
• If our dog starts barking, he'll start making barking-ish noises too
• Sometimes when you give him a piece of food, he'll run away with it to try to get our dog to chase him
• He loves playing with our dog, and it's so fun and funny to watch.
• He likes doing things he's not supposed to and will giggle when we notice he's doing it, like standing on the ledge of the couch or putting his mouth on a greasy door hinge.

Also, heads up, some of these are rotated and won't seem to unrotate.

 He also sleeps in really funny positions, so we like screenshotting them from our video monitor app.

 I can't wait for him to start talking so we can hear all the funny things he says.

-Tally M.

Dear Seriously,

Here are some of the things my kids have said that have made me laugh. Notably, the younger kids are, the funnier they are. So Yellow 2.0 is definitely winning this year.

Dragon Baby

• I do feel capable! I just can’t do it.

Niffler Baby

• Me: [Niffler Baby], who gave you permission to grow up?
  NB: Ummm… my pixie dust.

Yellow 2.0

• [Context: The power went out.] I wish the windmills were moving so we could turn on the lights.
• I had a dream about dying and it wasn’t terrible. [later] I love, love, love dreams about dying! I had one last night, and I stayed alive! 
• I know why they call it Lost Eggas (Las Vegas). Because someone lost something, and then they put Eggas on the end.

Dear Seriously,

We were having dinner with my parents and ended up talking about having a temple recommend. This conversation ensued:

Grandpa: My rule is always have a temple recommend.
Mavenboy (6): My rule is no peeing outside.

--Maven

Dear laughs,

These pictures are a couple of years old now, but they still crack me up. He really nailed the grumpy balding old man look when we made him sit in the park swing for the first time. I also really love this pic of him learning to sit up; I call it "What [Baby] Thinks of our First-time Parenting." Finally, here's one of the earliest pictures of our baby doing tummy-time and clearly not enjoying it.

And of course there's our baby featured in Board Question #89483; that one was fun.

-Owlet

Dear srsly,

Here's Owlet defending me from my fire-breathing toddler:

And here's a couple photos of eating. I'd probably look just as funny, though.

-El-ahrairah

Dear srsly lol,

Sometimes my baby is moody. What? He's a baby! It's just his wont. And sometimes he's laughing and laughing and all of a sudden you hear him take a big breath and the next thing out of his mouth is hysterical sobbing. Which makes me laugh, 'cause I'm terrible. 

-Mico

Dear That’s Not Your Real Name,

Is KFC original recipe fried chicken a secret combination?

They combine 11 herbs and spices.

It’s a secret.

Sure sounds like one to me.

Yikes!

Tipperary

Dear friend, 

I recently answered Board Question #92180 but obviously I want to give you even more memes. 

You know what I'm sayin? In any case this one is hilarious. 

I recently hopped back on Twitter after a several year hiatus, and lemme tell you... Twitter memes are the best memes.

 Hilarious. Clever. Legendary. 

 We'll keep this short, but the last memes I wanted to bless you with come from the SparkNotes Twitter. Classical Literature makes the best memes. 

You're welcome. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear MNH,

Surprised Pikachu is the best new meme of the year.

I also enjoy the Galaxy Brain meme format.

And, of course, trolley memes.

Crusader Kings patch notes might not be a meme, but they're definitely meme level quality.

And finally, "Twitter and Tumblr talk about D&D" never ceases to amuse me.

-yayfulness

Dear you,

One of my favorite recent ones is Mike Wazowski Explaining Things.

 (source)

Scottish Pokemon Trainer is fantastic, even though this is the only one I feel like I can post because the language gets really strong.

 (source)

This one isn't really a meme but it's still hilarious.

 (source)

Also I really need to get Van Goff to send me more of his memes because that #5 is just gold.

-The Entomophagist

Dear Doctor,

psa

when a girl cries, it's not because she's trying to remember which memes are her favorite, it's because her most recent favorite is so incredibly niche

-Tally M.

Dear MNH ~

~ Dragon Lady

Dear friend,

I enjoy memes maybe a little too much so here are my top five favorites from this year:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

-Van Goff

Dear MNH,

-El-ahrairah

Dear,

I'm into almost all of those "This is Just To Say" mashups. 

-Uffish Thought

Dear you,

I really like the Instagram account The Dad. They have lots of great ones.

-Olympus

Dear Settlement, 

Probably my favorites to have recently come across my radar is the collection of stories about a philosopher named Diogenes. (Also known as the Philosopher Troll.) I paraphrased much of the following from this article.

Diogenes was one of the great Cynics, and was famous for his believe that all that was unnecessary in life should be rejected (including personal possessions and social status. In other words, he was (sarcasm, here) real dignified.) 

In Athens, Diogenes lived in a barrel, having no belongings and eating exclusively onions. He also believed social niceties and Athenian manners to be blatant lies, and when honesty is the highest value, you better believe that he was one of the most obscene people on the street. He considered anything that was "natural and acceptable in private (i.e. farting, defecating, etc.) should also be acceptable and normal in public. He obviously wasn't very popular. There is one story where a group of wealthy people at some dinner began making fun of Diogenes, calling him a dog and throwing him bones... so he proceeded to lift his leg and urinate on them. 

But that's not all. Surely, you've learned of Alexander the Great? Yeah, well, Alexander was tutored by Aristotle, and when he heard about Diogenes, he obviously had to meet him. When Alexander came to town, Diogenes was just laying around, basking in the sun. He heard a bunch of noise and trumpets, and looked up to see Alexander the great, who greeted him and lauded his wisdom. Alexander the GREAT asked Diogenes if he wanted anything, to which he responded, “Yes, stand a little out of my sun”. That's right. He told him to move out of the way of his tanning rays. According to record, Alexander commented to his men, "If I were not Alexander, I would like to be Diogenes." Diogenes overhears this and says, "If I was not Diogenes, I too would very much like to be Diogenes." So that's... wow. 

I feel like I must also shout out to the creation of the Church of England, which basically went like this: 

Henry VIII: "Dearest Pope, my wife is useless and won't give me an heir, plus I'm in love with her servant. Let me have a divorce." 

Pope: "No." 

Henry VIII: "Please?" 

Pope: "No." 

Henry VIII: "Fine. Then I'm starting my own church, appointing myself the supreme leader, forcing everyone to follow it, and granting myself a divorce." In other words, "screw you."  

Cheers,

Guesthouse

Dear Professor Plum

Pretty much every revolution or civil war is up there. None of them however match the pettiness of the "Soccer War" also known as the "100 Hour War." In the early 1960's there was a lot of tension between Honduras and El Salvador. There had been large emmigration of Salvadorians to Honduras, and Honduras responded by treating them poorly, taking their farms and expelling them. Despite the political tension, nothing really happened.

Flash forward to 1969 and El Salvador and Honduras are in a playoff for a spot in the 1970 World Cup. Each match was followed by rioting, with especially harsh rioting in Honduras after El Salvador beat them 3-2 in the final qualifying match to secure the World Cup bid. The violence against Salvadorians in Honduras was so bad that El Salvador declared war on Honduras.

You heard that correctly. Honduras got so upset about losing a soccer match that they rioted against El Salvadorian immigrants and El Salvador responded by invading Honduras. Now that's what I call bad sportsmanship.

Peace,

Tipperary

P.S. This Wikipedia article about the Soccer War was my source and is a short yet highly entertaining read.

Dear Argggh,

I did a quick Google search and it looks like most jewelry stores and trophy stores repair watches and will engrave them. Hope this helps!

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear Ceci n'est pas une pipe, 

It's a good song. I like the earlier John Mayer style - more breathy, has a bit more feeling to it, ya know? Plus, the beat is soothing and the guitar is quite pleasant. I'm not sure how I feel about the bridge, it's a little bit questionable. It's not very fair to say that boys are breakable and resilient, but in general the message of the song is pretty sweet. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear Dragon Lady,

I got Questioner, which doesn't really surprise me. Now that I think about it, lots of my friends are Obligers, and I'm always having to tell them that they don't owe anyone anything.

-The Entomophagist

Dear Tiffany,

I got Upholder. The description fit me fairly well, but I felt like, oftentimes, none of the choices really described me. 

-Az

Dear Doctor,

Questioner.

I'm not entirely surprised, and it makes a whole lot of sense. That was probably my biggest problem at my last job—I wanted to know why they were doing things a certain way, kept asking questions, and everyone just got annoyed.

Ironically, many Questioners dislike being questioned. They consider their actions carefully, so they find it tiresome to explain or to be asked to justify their decisions.

Yep. Just ask Spectre. I do this all the time.

-Tally M.

Dear Dragon Lady, 

I got Questioner. 

Personally, I think that makes sense with my INFJ Myers Briggs type. I tend to be a people pleaser too, but ultimately it comes down to whether or not I think something has a purpose.

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear friend,

I'm an Upholder, as it turns out. That probably explains the guilt complex.

-Van Goff

Dear Dragon Lady,

I got Obliger as well. I'm definitely a people-pleaser and I'm much more likely to get something done if someone other than myself is expecting me to do it.

--Maven

Dear you,

I got the upholder, but I think that's partially aspirational for me and also partly reflects of some of my OCD tendencies.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Dragon Lady,

Unsurprisingly Obliger. They could have replaced "Obliger" in each definition with my name it would be a perfect fit. 

-Ms.O'Malley

Dear Dragon Lady,

I too am a Questioner, which makes sense and suits me better than any of the other three categories, though I'm not sure any of them is a fully accurate description of my character.

Love,

Luciana

Dear Dragon Lady,

I got questioner, but I question (see what I did there) how much that really describes me.

-El-ahrairah

Dear Mother of Dragons:

I predict Questioners will be overrepresented among Board writers. I mean, c'mon, your questions, our answers! It's our drug.

I too am a Questioner. My maternal grandmother is the Upholder-iest Upholder that ever Upheld. (My favorite illustration of this was when she was asked to take on a calling, firmly but not unkindly told them it wasn't happening, and hung up the phone. #notallmormonwomenareobligers). Most my ex-boyfriends were fellow Questioners, I'm sure. I think my mother tilted towards Rebel. This is why I often describe my family dynamic as Gilmore Girls, but make it Utah.

---Portia

Dear Obliger,

The first time I took this test I got REBEL. Awwww yeaahhhhh. 

To be honest, I struggled while taking the test because I felt that, in many cases, none of the answers quite applied to me (though perhaps in saying this I'm just proving the point). I took the test again, but changed one answer and ended up getting Questioner the second time. 

Last time I took the Meyers-Briggs test I got INFJ (I've also gotten INFP and ENFP in the past), and on the alignment system test I got Lawful Neutral.

Since these results do not appear to mesh well, my conclusion is that, while personality tests are fun and I'll continue to take them, the results seem to be a bit unhelpful for me, particularly. 

Still, it's an interesting framework to think about.

Love,

Vienna

Dear,

Obliger, though lately I've been pretty poor at even obliging others, so a wannabe-Obliger, if I could modify it. 

-Uffish Thought

Dear DL,

Heh. Like Portia, just here to see how many questioners the Board attracts! (I'm a questioner leaning rebel.)

-Olympus

Dear person,

I got rebel, but I think this reflects my relationship with my OCD tendencies more than anything else. As in, I am constantly pushing back on my own expectations of myself. To be honest, I'm pleased that I identify more with the pushing back part of myself than the expectations part. But if you were to talk to an outside observer of me, they would probably tell you I am reasonably good at completing challenging personal goals and keeping my commitments to others.

-Sheebs