Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. -John Barrymore
Question #17702 posted on 08/20/2005 3:13 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why me?

- Because

A: Dear Because,

Maybe becuase of something you did. That is always an option.

That is all.

A: Dear Because Because Because,

Why not you?

A: Dear Because,

Because the entire universe is, in fact, aligned against you. It doesn't matter what you do, it will turn out wrong. Your soup will be cold, your cereal warm. The hair that falls from your head will sprout on your toes. Your relationships will fail, your grades will plummet, and your dog will disown you.

It's a rough break, but somebody's got to do it. Thanks for giving me a break.

--The Picked-on One
A: Dear Because,

When confronted with such a question, it is useful to consult with others who have been in similar situations. I suggest talking to Nancy Kerrigan, circa 1994.

-la bamba