Modesty - If you're only wearing Nutella you're not dressed modestly. -Katya
Question #54066 posted on 10/21/2009 3:01 a.m.
Q:

100 Hour Board,

So this is kind of a sensitive topic...

But I was talking to this fella and I told him I thought it was inappropriate when we kissed for him to put his hand under my shirt and touch my back and/or stomach. He said there was nothing wrong with it because the back isn't an erroneous spot and he wasn't tempted to go lower or higher. He said in 12 years of dating girls he'd never be tempted.

I know this is wrong and inappropriate, but I am unable to voice just why or to provide proof. It just seems wrong. Maybe not wrong enough to talk to the Bishop but wrong enough not to do. It feels like the better or more right thing to do would be to not allow that.

Could you guys help me out? I remember some kind of rule about not touching where garments would be (I'm not endowed though) or about not moving clothing even if it's not on a sensitive spot...

- He reads the board and probably knows who I am asking this question even though i tried to change some of the details and my writing style

A: Dearie,

If you think it is inappropriate, don't let him do it to you. It is that simple. I don't think you need justification for keeping your body to yourself. I will quote from For the Strength of Youth:
Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you.
I would say that what you consider to be off-limits is "the private, sacred parts" of your body.

For a dude to say "there is nothing wrong with what we are doing" is nothing but justification to gratify his vain ambitions, and as my mission president used to say "justification is the grease on the fire pole to Hell."

To the dude involved in this, if you are reading this, take this little bit of counsel from For the Strength of Youth:
Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing...In cultures where dating or courting is acceptable, always treat your date with respect, never as an object to be used for your lustful desires. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control your physical feelings. Do not participate in talk or activities that arouse sexual feelings.
You may not be touching her in the areas we customarily designate as "private parts," but if she is uncomfortable with what you are touching then you are not treating her with respect and you need to man up and do the right thing. Small wonder you are 28 and still trying to date; you don't respect women! If you take issue with this, e-mail me and we will talk it out.

Dr. Smeed
A: Dear he's possibly reading this,

You don't need proof. You don't have to justify your views with a quote from a general authority or a church handbook. If it doesn't feel right, just don't do it. If you feel that something detracts from the Spirit's ability to be with you, the rule is don't do that thing.

Make it very clear to him how you feel, and then if he tries to do it again, smack him in the head. If he tries to pressure you, smack him harder. If he just really doesn't get it, consider if you should even keep him around. Do you want a guy that treats you like an object rather than a person?

If he's reading this, he should definitely get the point. If not, then...

Hey, guy! Knock it off, that makes her uncomfortable. If you really care about her, show her some respect. A relationship isn't all about you or what you like, so you need to cut out the teenage groping and grow up, especially if you're a priesthood holder. You should know much, much better than that.


-Commander Keen
A: Dear fella involved,

You shouldn't need a quote from a general authority or any other church leader. If she says don't touch her there, APOLOGIZE AND DON'T FREAKING TOUCH HER THERE.

Dear sister involved,

As Keen said, if this happens again, seriously reconsider this relationship.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron