Dear 100 Hour Board,
I have a problem. I'm pretty convinced I'm going to marry this guy I've never talked to before. We would see each other a lot, and I just have this intuitive feeling inside. I've tried to talk myself out of it, but I sort of can't. And I'm normally a totally logical person. Right now he's on a mission, so there's no way to know. But am I crazy? Do you believe that I could possibly be right?
-Slightly crazy, slightly pathetic (but if I'm right, this will suddenly become adorable)
Let's break down the reasons you might be right and why you might be wrong. Consider the following:
Reasons you might be right
- The "intuitive feeling inside" you have could be the Holy Ghost whispering to you that you need to marry this guy. That's not crazy, because the Spirit can reveal things of a personal nature to you. It's possible.
- I'm pretty sure that's the only possible reason, though.
Reasons you might be wrong
- You've never talked to him before. You've "seen [him] a lot," and you're extrapolating from that that he'd be the perfect man for you. What if the two of you aren't actually compatible? What if he loves Dungeons and Dragons, and you're more of a Magic: The Gathering kind of girl? What if he loves the outdoors and you'd like nothing better than to snuggle up with a book on a cold day? What if, heaven help us, he has an annoyingly squeaky voice? You don't know any of this yet, so it's probably (viz. definitely) premature to assume that the two of you are destined to spend the rest of your lives together.
- He's on a mission. So not only do you not know anything about him, but since he's not around anymore, you're fixating on an idealized version of him. You're only thinking about the good things about him, because he's not here to do anything that would make you think any less of him. This is a common problem among women who have sent off missionaries, so don't think this is a problem with you, personally.
- He's on a mission, which leads me to believe that he left fairly recently, so he's 19. Which means you're probably 19. Which means, if I'm right, that you probably don't have a lot of experience with an actual, serious relationship. (This is just speculation, of course, but I don't think I'm too far off the mark. If I'm wrong, disregard this point.) When you're young and inexperienced, you tend to have an overly romantic view of love. Love doesn't necessarily mean that a perfect, idealized man is going to come and sweep you off your feet, know all the right things to say because he can read your mind and anticipate your needs, and sit down and watch The Notebook with you. It's time to come to terms with one of life's ugly little truths: This man does not exist outside of chick flicks. He's completely unrealistic, and I don't know anyone who remotely approaches him. Love is about building a relationship of trust and communication. It's not just about smooches and holding hands. It's about friendship. It's about finding an enormous chunk of ear wax and telling him all about before realizing that ew, that's really disgusting. It's not so much about seeing a boy you don't particularly know and thinking, "Ooh, he's cute." That's a start, but it's the very beginning of the path. You've still got a long way to go before you'll have any idea whether or not he's the one.
- That "intuitive feeling inside"? It could be the Spirit, but it could also be a case of the tingles from seeing someone attractive. That comes and goes, and especially as you're younger (again, speculation).
Call me a skeptic, but I don't think the two of you are necessarily destined. You might end up being perfect for each other, but I think you'll know that more from talking to him and building a solid relationship rather than from a feeling, especially if he's thousands of miles away.
One last point: You're not crazy, friend. Excitable, maybe. Infatuated, probably. Irrational, almost definitely. But what's wrong with being irrational? There's nothing rational about our emotions. Sometimes they get the best of us. That doesn't make us crazy, though. Let's not be so liberal with our use of that poor, overworked word.