Although the tongue weighs very little, very few people are able to hold it. -Anonymous

Dear 100 Hour Board,

So I dated this guy last winter semester. He and I were both sophomores this year and were friends in a group through a class freshman year. Sophomore year he came back because he was young for his grade and was going on a mission after sophomore year instead of freshman year. We lived at the same apartment complex so we hung out a bunch and became better friends. I started liking him and thought it would be fun to date. So we did. It was really good for me because I had a relationship with this ohter pre-missionary the summer after freshman year (long distance) and it ended a couple months before his mission kind of badly but we still tried to be friends-the whole situation was kind of stupid, I know.

Anyways, so back to sophomore year boy, I dated him for fun because I liked him but started liking him more than I thought I would. We dated steadily winter semester but tried to keep it light (didn't say I love you or anything..till the day before he left). He left a few weeks after the semester ended on his mission and I have been writing him every week since. I know that is probably a bad idea but it's weird not telling him what I'm up to. I don't bother him with any drama or mushiness and he's a pretty level-headed guy.

I don't know if we will date after his mission but I wouldn't mind trying things out if I'm still around but I haven't really thought ahead to like marriage or anything. I didn't promise him anything and he jokes that he thinks I'll be married when he comes back and wants me to date but we still write every week and are supportive friends but the feelings (at least caring about each other) are obviously still there. I figure once I go back in the fall I'll be busier and have less time to write him. I know it's a good idea to start writing less just because I don't want it to be like abrupt if I start dating someone else and all of the sudden not write him very much.

Is there any advice you can give me on how I should gradually calm down the writing frequency? And is there any advice from a returned missionary who maybe had a similar situation about what you would want this girl to write in emails/letters? I feel like we will still be good friends his whole mission but I honestly don't know where I will be in two years dating-wise and I was definitely up front to him about that (but I'm not one of those girls eager to get married). I know dating before a mission is not ideal but I guess I'm just worried about writing during his mission right now and don't want to be overbearing or distracting. I want him to be the best missionary he can be (Yes, I know that not dating him would've done that but it's too late). Any advice?

-Wants to be a good friend


Dear Donna,

All you have to do is start writing less. Space your e-mails/letters out two every other week or so. I wrote a friend on his mission, and I just wrote him when he responded to my letters. My recommendation then, is though it may be easier, switch to letter instead of e-mails. You won't write as often, most likely. Or if you do, just send a few letters at once (you save on postage that way). And really, if it's just talking about stuff you're doing, I think that's fine. I mentioned insights I'd had or funny things that had happened, but nothing was ever too serious.

So, send letters less often, just keep it casual, and it'll all be great!

-Tally M.