Whenever he thought about it, he felt terrible. And so, at last, he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it. ~John-Roger and Peter McWilliams
Question #77677 posted on 05/23/2014 7:24 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Did any of you have a significant other during high school? If so, when during high school, what was it like, and do you have any commentary on the matter?

Feel free to give commentary, even if you didn't have a significant other.

-The Questioness


Dear Madam Questioner,

I did in fact. We dated for the last half of my junior year and the following summer (about eight months). He was my best friend before we dated and for a good while afterwards. Despite the myriad of disagreements we had (he was atheist, and I am Mormon; we agreed on a grand total of three things), he was always there to support me when I needed him, and I tried my best to do the same. Overall it was a positive experience. 

Looking back, this relationship affected me a lot then, and it still does today. Because this was a crucial time in my moral development, the arguments (well, debates) we often got into about political, religious, and social matters have significantly affected the way I view the world. He never really changed my opinion on anything, and I doubt I ever changed his, but it let me expand all of my views and it has made me strive to look at all sides of a given issue. On a negative side, for a long time after we stopped dating, his was the voice of any niggling doubts I ever had about the gospel. From these things I can honestly say the relationship has affected me in the long-run in both good ways and bad. 

Despite my surprisingly stellar experience, I still don't think people should pair off in high school. There are a whole slew of reasons for this, which I won't list. My experience was so good because we already had a relationship of trust and friendship, but there were significant problems: it caused friction with our parents (my mom hated that I was dating this boy, and his mom wasn't so happy either), and we argued regularly about religion and morals. Most impactful to me though is that I disobeyed the prophet by dating him. The leaders of the Church have asked us time and time again not to date during high school and I should have respected that.

TL;DR: Yes I did. It was a good experience. You still shouldn't pair off in high school.

The Soulful Ginger (who suspects that part of the reason for her successful high school relationship was her marriage that preceded it. But that is a story for a different question.) 


Dear you,

I had a semi-significant other. I spent a lot of emotional energy fretting about acting like I was dating this boy (holding hands, etc.) when we were officially not dating because we weren't supposed to be paired off in high school. It caused unnecessary cognitive dissonance and one of the only major fights I've ever had with a friend. I fully support not having a significant other in high school.

~Anne, Certainly


Dear Questioness,

Since you specifically said those without high school significant others can answer, I thought I'd represent. My significant other was called AP homework.

But really, I had great dating experiences in high school. I had a great group of church friends that went on dates with each other, and few people in our "group" paired off. It was a fun way to get to know each other and stay close. I thought the way we did things was normal until I started talking with my roommates. It seems I was friends with a lot of uncharacteristically brave, fun, friendly boys that didn't want to get too serious before their missions. I really like the way that worked out.

My only regret is that this system doesn't provide good scaffolding between dating for fun (high school) and dating for marriage (which is apparently what I'm doing now?). It's confusing. I never had to worry about leading a guy on in high school because I got asked out by a bunch of different guys and everyone had the understanding that it was all for fun and for becoming better friends. Now I have to decide if I like a boy after a few dates and get up the gumption to turn him down if I don't. In high school, I didn't care if I actually liked the guy or not; I just had a good time. Now I actually have to compare boys to each other and I hate it.

Wow, sorry. That became less commentary and more rant. In summation: I enjoyed not having a significant other in high school and just learning to have fun and go on casual dates; I'm still figuring out how college dating works.



Dear Questioness,

I did. She wasn't a member. It was silly and a waste of time. I would say avoid it if you can, especially if werf is not even a member. Luckily I broke it off, but if I hadn't it would have been a major source of frustration for everyone involved.



Dear Questionstress,

I decided that I didn't want a significant other before my mission; I didn't want the emotional drama of leaving one behind. You can't believe how many girls I had to fight off to stick to my resolve (hint: it's between -1 and 1, exclusive). But it worked; I didn't have nearly as much emotional trauma as other people I know.