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Question #93236 posted on 09/14/2020 10:02 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

As a non-married person, am I allowed to feel aroused/feel pleasure? For example, my boyfriend and I both find it super pleasurable for him to touch/kiss my stomach. But like...is this allowed? We have no intentions of having sex and I don't think this activity will ever lead to sex. I just want some opinions on whether this is against the Law of Chastity.

-New to this


Dear newz,

Undoubtedly you realize this is a personal decision, but if you're looking for opinions:

Am I allowed to feel aroused/feel pleasure?  Yes, I don't think that's bad to want. Is kissing pleasurable? Can kissing cause arousal? Sure, sometimes. I think that's okay, and don't think not being married means we should live our lives ascetically, nor do I think experiencing or wanting pleasure makes us bad.

Is this allowed? If you're both comfortable with it and the dimension it brings to your relationship, I'd vote yes.

I just want some opinions on whether this is against the Law of Chastity.
I certainly don't think so. I think it sounds really nice and a sweet way to care about each other.


--Ardilla Feroz


Dear New To This,

I personally wouldn't before marriage. (Which is coming from someone who is married.) 

But I think the best answer of all is to ask God. He knows your heart, his heart, your relationship, your intentions, his intentions, and so forth. Since you're already feeling iffy about it, why not ask the person whose opinion is the most important of them all?

-Goldie Rose


Dear New To This,

I don't have the answers for you because I get confused about this stuff too. But I have been given really good advice about it that helps me figure things out as I go.

First, get priorities straight. Some things I believe we aren't taught or reminded to prioritize as much when making these decisions are the following: 1) self acceptance 2) self-understanding 3) connection 4) integrity. So when I'm asking myself questions like "how do I feel about that activity? It's nice but am I way comfortable with this?" I try to think about those things. It's nearly impossible to connect with ourselves and with God and with a partner if we're living in shame or constantly questioning our integrity. I believe connection is one of God's highest goals for us. He wants us to feel connected to Him and to others as our authentic selves. I think that means accepting and learning about ourselves as sexual beings, with integrity to our deeper values. Instead of asking "What would my Young Women's leader say?" I try to think questions like:

-Did that leave me feeling more connected or less connected in this relationship?

-Did it make me feel more like myself or less like myself?

-Do I love and understand the Law of Chastity? -Am I drawing closer to God every day?

Maybe you come up with better questions for yourself! Good luck. I really am sorry there aren't clearer answers about this. It's a struggle.

- Babalugats 


Dear you,

Are you allowed? Yes, you can do what you want. Should you? That's a personal decision. 

I don't think the question should be is it against the Law of Chastity, rather I think the question should be do you feel it is a wholesome activity? If yes, great. If no, then perhaps you should stop.

-Sunday Night Banter