Whenever he thought about it, he felt terrible. And so, at last, he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it. ~John-Roger and Peter McWilliams
Question #93290 posted on 10/19/2020 1:30 p.m.
Q:

Hey Alta,

It's time. I get extra free pizza points for extra MOD visits this week.

Can you send my wife (Goldie Rose) your address?

Can we have it?

Best,

-Carl

PS: In case you forgot... Board Question #93201

A:

Dearest Carl,

You already know how this turned out--after all, I sent pictures to Goldie Rose as soon as I got the pizza. But for the sake of our other dear readers, let me regale you with this tale.

I was SO excited when I saw this question come in--I had misunderstood your previous question and knew I had to make things right eventually, so this question seemed like a great chance to finally figure out what the heck Mod Pizza does if you select every single option possible, including "No Sauce," as well as every single sauce listed, and "No Cheese," as well as every single cheese listed. Shortly after you submitted this question, Goldie Rose messaged me to ask, "So, what toppings would you like for your pizza? Besides all the sauces and cheeses, of course." I decided to go with my tried and true favorites--pepperoni, mushroom, and roasted red pepper--just to see how they would hold up against this monster pizza. 

After several more messages were exchanged to hash out the details, a date and time was decided upon for me to pick up the pizza. Before I could go pick it up, a very confused employee called Carl to verify that this is what we wanted, and you, dear reader, can read that hilarious exchange below in Goldie Rose's answer. 

I drove up to Mod Pizza at the appointed time, with both apprehension and excitement bubbling away in my stomach. I was doing curbside pickup (because of responsibility during a pandemic, yo), and shortly after pulling up an employee came over to ask for the name on my order. "Uh...Carl..." I said in what, in retrospect, was probably a very suspicion-inducing way. "OH. Yeah, that order is ready," said the employee immediately, with recognition flooding his face. And let me tell you, I've done curbside pickup a few times at Mod Pizza, and usually the exchange goes like this:

Me: "Hi, I'm here to pick up an order for Alta."
Employee: "Uh, okay, let me check if we have it for you."

In other words, they don't usually immediately recognize orders just by name. But this order had clearly been the subject of much consternation at my local Mod Pizza, and they were probably just waiting to see what sort of unhinged person would order such a thing. The employee quickly returned with my pizza and a slight smirk on his face, told me to "Enjoy!" and off I drove.

Dearest readers, if you've ever been to Mod Pizza you know they put a list of all the requested ingredients on a receipt taped to the front of the box. Usually this receipt is a pretty short itemized list--not so with this one.

 pizza (2).jpg

I was expecting this monster pizza to smell horrific, but strangely enough it just smelled like normal pizza. I could hardly wait to open the box and see what they had done, but waited until I got home. When I could finally commence with my unboxing, this is what I found.

monster pizza.jpg

Apparently they decided to just ignore the "No Sauce" and "No Cheese" options, and instead just piled everything on. The random green patches gave me pause until I remembered it had pesto, and despite the anxiety I felt about this, I decided it was finally time to try it. I naturally was forcing my husband to try this with me, so we each got a slice and dug in. The taste was...not terrible. I was pretty nervous about trying it, imagining what horrors could be unleashed upon my tastebuds, but it honestly wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I couldn't really taste the pepperoni, mushrooms, and red peppers at all though, as they were overpowered by the cacophony of other strong tastes and pungent smells. After this experience, I can say with utter conviction that I truly do not recommend ever mixing pesto and barbecue sauce. It's not a winning combination. Also, one of the cheese options was gorgonzola, which is a blue cheese, and hooo baby was it strong. At the first bite it wasn't so overpowering, but by the end of the slice it felt like all I could taste was barbecue-y blue cheese, with a hint of pepperoni. Which, again, is not a combination I can recommend in any sort of good faith. I've heard it said that, "You can't ever add too much cheese to pizza!" but I think those people should try this and then reconsider their stance.

My husband and I each ate a full slice, but after that decided to just cook a frozen pizza and have that for dinner instead, so I suppose that gives you some idea of what we thought of it. In some sort of deluded optimism I insisted on saving the rest of it in the fridge "so we can eat it tomorrow!" but of course that didn't happen. The smells ripened overnight and then the whole fridge smelled like gorgonzola until I finally gave up and threw away the rest of this monstrosity.

Overall, this was for sure an adventure. That day will probably live on in infamy in the annals of my local Mod Pizza, but it was worth it so Carl could finally get his answer! I truly can't thank you enough, Carl and Goldie Rose, for sending me on this adventure. As I type that out it sounds snarky, but honestly this was so fun to try.

-Alta

A:

My Dearest Carl,

I thought it would be fun if everyone else got to read the phone conversation that you had with the Mod Pizza employee, Mike.

About 4 minutes before Alta was supposed to pick up her pizza, Carl got a phone call from someone. He answered like he was answering a work call. ...They hung up shortly after.

I thought, "Wait! What if it's Mod Pizza calling about our order?!" I look up the phone number and checked to see if the numbers matched. THEY DID.

Mike also left a nice voicemail:

"Hi Carl, my name is Mike with Mod Pizza. I have a couple of quick questions about your order, and if you could give us a callback. But if you get here before that could you come in and we can talk about your order. Thanks, bye."

Carl called them back and this was the dialogue.

Mike: "Hi Carl, so I noticed that you selected every sauce and no sauce... and every cheese and no cheese..."
Carl: "So just to be frank ...I'm sorry for the inconvenience on that... We're putting that in there as an experiment because apparently we can check all those things on the website at the same time and I'm curious on what happens when we do. So, basically, that can be up to your own interpretation. Someone is testing it out for me, and she's picking it up. Her name is Alta and she may pose as me and that's totally fine."
Mike: "Does she have a preference?"
Carl: "I'm guessing if she had a preference, it would probably be nice to have at least one cheese and one sauce. But we were just going to see how this all goes."
Mike: "Um, okay."
Carl: "All right, thank you. Have a nice day!"

Then lo and behold, Alta receives her glorious pizza shortly after. I think that was money well spent!

-Goldie Rose

*We were planning on having the pizza delivered to her place, but there is a $15 order minimum. Alta said she'd be happy to pick it up instead.