Dear 100 Hour Board,
If a parakeet listened in on a year’s worth of board meetings (and for sake of argument, let’s assume this is all the human speech this bird hears for the year), what frequently used phrases would it pick up? Spare me the vanilla “hello” and “nice paper bag“—I want the juicy stuff.
“Where is the moose, Inklings?”
“9S, how many times must we remind you to stop licking the wall?”
-Hypothetical Bird Enthusiast
Dear Potential Parakeet Purchaser,
If we had a parakeet (I am nowise insinuating that we bought it as a stress purchase at the beginning of quarantine), this would be the answer to your question:
"Google, turn lair lights off" (yeah, we've been able to do some minor renovations to the lair since the pandemic started)
"Cinnamon rolls for Goldie Rose" (for some reason, only that rhyme stuck, though we get them for her and Guesthouse about the same)
The "Vaccines for Christmas" chorus, since some of us sing it anytime anyone mentions getting the vaccine.
The doorbell noise that Zoom makes when you come into a room.
It sometimes tries to have conversations with Carl Jr., which is admittedly pretty cute.
Don't mention the apocalypse to it. Anathema taught it to say, "Don't trust Voldemort!"