"Barring polygamy, you will break up with every person you date minus one." - Yellow
Question #45234 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How happens it that the base of a corn kernel is apparently impervious to the caustic, corrosive gastric juices of the human stomach?

- Formerly fecular and alliterant

A: Dear Ffaa,

Board Question 36490 does a good job of explaining the process. Fresh corn on the cob is one of my absolute favorite things about summer, so happy eating!

Question #45233 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who are your favorite stand up comedians?

- Curious, who is partial to Demetri Martin and Gabriel Iglesias

A: Dear Curious,

Bill Cosby. Hands down. He may be old school, but oh does he make me laugh.

A: Dear Curious,

I will second Bill Cosby. His Noah's Ark bit is priceless. Others I enjoy are Mitch Hedberg (Dufrane, party of four?), Jim Gaffigan, Ellen Degeneres and Steve Martin. Brian Regan gets quoted at my house constantly. I've heard B.J. Novak (Ryan from The Office) does great stand-up as well. (Weird side note: As a result of this question, I now have the "I Love to Laugh" song from Mary Poppins stuck in my head.)

A: Dear Curious,

BILL COSBY! I saw him perform live a couple weeks ago and it was a delight. I absolutely love his narrative style of stand up comedy. It is so much better than the observational comedy of the nineties (which only Seinfeld did really well) and the shock comedy which was common at the turn of the century (I couldn't say what is the big trend now...). Bill Cosby will always be the king of stand up comedy in my book.

-Humble Master
A: Dear little monkey,

I'll second Bill Cosby, Ellen, Brian Regan, your mention of Dmitri Martin (sometimes you do it for fun and sometimes you do it to not die), and add Flight of the Conchords (particularly "Jenny", "Albi" and "Issues" ... not all the rest of them are particularly clean, so be judicious).

Oh, I guess he's not really a stand-up comedian (just a regular funny guy), but check out Pat McManus.

Question #45232 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

HELP! I'm getting married (as I stated in my previous question) and I'm in charge of finding music for our reception which is also going to be a dance. We want to go for the vocal jazz scene for the dance/reception. We've got some music, but a lot of it is really slow, and we don't want it all to be at that tempo. What songs would you pick, slow or not, that would fit in with our dance/reception?

- New To This

A: Dear New to This,

Ok so these are artists and not specific songs, but I think this may be more helpful. Each artist's name is a link to a sample song.

Jamie Cullum
has a fascinating voice and most of his stuff is pretty upbeat. He doesn't stick to straight jazz, but he does some really great jazz-ier versions of semi-popular songs you may be familiar with. His album 'Twenty Something' probably has the most jazz.

Of course we can't forget Michael Buble. His music is more traditional jazz and his voice is unmistakable. He's covered nearly ALL of the jazz greats and you just can't go wrong with his energy. Any of his albums would be useful.

I'm also a big fan of the classic Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Two of the greatest jazz musicians of all time...together. Louis was practically the one that invented vocal jazz and Ella was perhaps one of the greatest ever. They're a little more laid back, but with energy.

Diane Schuur is also very cool. She's blind and puts her entire soul into her music. I think you'd find a lot of great stuff from her. She does a lot of jazz re-workings of popular stuff, which is really fun.

Wikipedia's page on Vocal Jazz has some other artists that I'm not too familiar with, but are probably fantastic too.

I hope that heads you in the right direction!

Question #45230 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Likewise, why do you recite at a play but you play at a recital?
Again, why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

- Giovanni Schwartz

A: Dear Gio,

See Board Question #20207 for the answer to your third question.

- the librarian
A: Dear Giovanni,

Dyslexic's spelling makes sense to me, once I realize that it comes from the same root as "lexicon" (the Greek lexis: "word"). Since this is kind of a subjective state of a word ("hard to spell"), I can't give you much of an objective answer, although I would suspect that you might assume that the word had Latin roots and spell it with an "i" instead of a "y".

Personally, I wouldn't say "I recited in a play," but "I acted in a play." It sounds more natural to say, "I'm reciting my lines." A recital isn't limited to playing an instrument either, it could be a narrative or recitation (although that usage seems a little unnatural to me too). So, I'd say it's because of the same reason you can do opposite things when you dust a crop and dust a counter. Here is a slightly related dinosaur comic.

Question #45228 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I heard someone on the radio* say that throughout China's history, the end of a certain ruler's reign was marked by large disasters. They suggested that these natural disasters were taken as a sign to the people that heaven was no longer approving of those leaders they had in place. They even went so far to say that this is playing a role in the current Chinese government's response to the recent earthquake.

Is (Has it been) this a common guiding principle for the people's support of their government?

- Elliot

*It was probably on some NPR program.

A: Dear Elliot,

The story was on Morning Edition, and while I didn't catch the original piece, I did hear follow-up letters from a couple of listeners who took issue with that characterization. They said that such beliefs or superstitions were uncommon among adults under 40, and not universal in adults over 40, either. They also pointed out that some Americans saw evidence of "God's wrath" in the September 11 attacks.

So it sounds like some people in China have such beliefs, but it's not a universal mindset, and it's not an attitude which is limited to that culture, either.

- Katya
A: Dear Elliot,

The name of the belief you're referring to is the Mandate of Heaven. It is a traditional Chinese belief that began in the Zhou Dynasty and continued through the Emperors of China. However, judging from Katya's answer, it isn't a belief held by the majority of the people anymore.

—Laser Jock
Question #45227 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

If you had a single strand of hair that was insanely long, how long would it need to be to be able to completely cover you entirely by itself?

- If it could make it change colors, then you could be invisible!

A: Dear now that would be cool wouldn't it,

I'm calculating this for my body, since we're all different. Human hairs are on average about 0.0000254 meters thick. Using the Mosteller Formula, my body has a surface area of approximately 1.788 square meters. Therefore, the hair would have to be 70,377.42 meters long to completely cover me (that's 230,897.047 feet). SICK!

Question #45223 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Most signs have braille printed below the written words. My question is, how do blind people even know that there is a sign there, with braille for them to read?

- endless mystery

A: Dear neverending story,

How do you find the signs? I'm willing to bet you look where you expect them to be. If the sign was on the ceiling, you'd probably miss it. Those signs are usually placed in standard positions, and blind people start by "looking" with their hands in those places, when the location is somewhere they'd expect Braille signs. Granted, some signs have Braille just for regulations and are in strange places, but blind people are more capable than most people give them credit for.

Another thing to remember is that many blind people who benefit from Braille are not completely blind. They may be able to navigate to the sign but be unable to read it without Braille.

And while we're at it, why do they put Braille on drive-thru ATMs? For one, it's easier to standardize the production, and two, it might be convenient for a blind person to use the ATM from the back seat of a friend's car or a taxi. This way werf doesn't have to divulge werf's PIN to anyone.

-=Optimus Prime=-
Question #45221 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

To preface this, I'm not a racist person. In the U.S., there is an organization called the NAACP (the National Alliance for the Advancement of Colored People) and several similar groups for other minorities. There are associations for women's rights (fyi, I'm a woman), for the elderly, and probably for just about anyone who's not a white male. So my question is: why, in our politically-correct society, will there probably never be an organization for the advancement of men or for Caucasian people (and I'm talking about a legitimate group, not the KKK or other White Supremacist gang). Isn't it a little unfair that white people and men don't have associations that they can be involved in?

- A white, politically-active female

A: Dear WPAF,

Why, in our politically-correct society, will there probably never be an organization for the advancement of men or for Caucasian people?

They're called social fraternities and sororities.

- Katya
A: Dear WPAF,

Or the Republican Party. Isn't that what they're stereotypically known for?

A: Dear AWPAF~

I think the answer to this is pretty simple, really. The male white majority as a whole doesn't see a lot to be gained politically by forming such a group.

The NAACP and related groups are able to frame the plight of the people they represent in such a way that it looks like their rights are being trampled. Americans have a strange fetish about "rights", and so arguments like this often strike a raw nerve, and the group in question is more poised to gain power. Although I'm aware of political movements that have attempted to frame the while male majority as having their rights trampled, it never takes, because in a country that is still largely governed by white males, it's hard to make that argument stick.

But make no mistake: the NAACP and other groups that represent minorities (whether real or self-created) do not, have not, and never will look for equal rights, but rather they parade this banner around because it has a sure aim at the exposed nerve I mentioned above. Rather, they seek power. One of the key principles we learned in PoliSci, and the realization that the founding fathers had when they formed the brilliant document on which this country is founded, is that all political groups seek power. They will do what it takes to obtain them. It doesn't make them evil, it's just the nature of humanity.

Does that clear it up?

A: Dear Hobbes

all political groups seek power. They will do what it takes to obtain them. It doesn't make them evil, it's just the nature of humanity.

Does you Death Squad constitute a political group?

-Humble Master
A: Dear Master of Humility~

Having already obtained infinite power, my Death Squad does not so much play politics as control it. It's the difference between a chess player and the rulebook to chess. The latter has nothing to prove.

Question #45220 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the nasty white gunk that keeps appearing inside my retainer case and how do I get rid of it?


A: Dear sleepy ~

Probably the same white gunk that keeps appearing on the inside of my travel toothbrush holder. How do you get rid of it? Wash it.

~ Dragon Lady
A: Dear Zzzzz,

The "nasty white gunk" is a result of calcium deposits in your saliva. You can find higher-end retainer cleaners online (like SonicBrite), but why use those when you can use common househoud items? I once read somewhere that vinegar and water worked to clean retainers and their cases, so last night I tried it out.

Use 1/2 C water and 1/2 white vinegar for your retainer. In your case (literally), place a paper towel soaked with the solution in your container and let it sit overnight. When you wake up, give it a quick rinse and it should be as good as new! I had to scrub my retainer with my toothbrush to get rid of the extra residue, but now it gleams.

Question #45219 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm engaged. HOORAY! I've actually been engaged for a few months and my wedding is rapidly approaching (It's less than three weeks away!). My fiancee and I love each other very much and are very excited for the day when we can finally be joined and sealed to each other and soon after become "one flesh" as the scriptures describe it. We already feel so unified in everything and are excited to participate in that final unifying act to bring us even closer together and help us to achieve new levels of knowing and discovering each other. So in preparation for both sacred events, we've been doing a lot of studying. Since the both of us are returned missionaries, we have firm testimonies of and an excellent understanding of the sealing ordinance. Really the majority of our study has been on the "becoming one flesh" part since the Church doesn't necesarily give the greatest instruction on that as they do when counseling to avoid it. We've been reading the book "And They Were Not Ashamed" and it's provided us with very helpful and great information on sex, but obviously it doesn't cover everything. After having read this book, I'm wondering if there are any other books that you're aware of that are equally as good.

Also, I'm curious to know if you knew the Church's officail position on learning about the intricasies of sexual technique. I want our experiences to be the best they can be and though I recognize that time and practice will bring perfection and that at first it will be slightly awkward, neither of us are extremely creative and feel like an education on sexual technique would be beneficial. Can you answer my questions?


- New To This

A: Dear New,

Questions about helpful reading material have come up many times on the Board; one of the ones I've seen recommended the most highly is The Act of Marriage, by Tim LaHaye. Pa Grape, a former writer who was also studying at BYU to become a family therapist, was among those recommending it. For other suggestions and related posts, here are a few archived questions you may find helpful: Board Question #16176, Board Question #8822, Board Question #22176, Board Question #32752, Board Question #32948, Board Question #5784, Board Question #8007, Board Question #8804, and Board Question #44533. A couple of these also partially address your other questions, but I'm not qualified to fully answer them. If you want to know the Church's official position on "learning about the intricacies of sexual technique," I'd recommend asking your bishop. I'm sure he's used to questions like this from engaged couples. The normal marriage counseling visits would be a perfect opportunity, and he would be able to counsel you two much better than we can.

—Laser Jock
A: Dear New,

Check out the the suggestions Laser Jock's given. I was given some great advice before I got married that really made our first night together special and sacred. I'd give it here, it's nothing to blush over, but think perhaps it shouldn't be quite so public. So, if anyone wants my advice, email me at steen(@)theboard(.)byu(.)edu. The bottom line is, if you and your future spouse stay clean and true to each other and the Lord, everything will work like it is supposed to and there will be nothing to be worried about. Congrats on your engagement! What a fun (and stressful...) time of life; enjoy every moment of it!

- steen
A: Dear New,

I have no personal experience, but I have a feeling that sex might be a lot like other performance-based techniques: you really have to practice to get good. (Example: reading about playing the guitar can give you an idea what it's like but it's seriously not the same.) Also, from my psychology readings, I can tell you that it's important not to be anxious, but telling you that isn't going to help much either. So, uh, good luck.

-The Supershrink
Question #45217 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the correct chronological order of the Indiana Jones movies? Not the order they were released, but when they take place.
- Junior

A: Dear Henry,

The movies take place in the following chronological order for the characters:

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, coming soon to a theater near you

Did you know that the character of Indiana Jones was originally going to be played by Tom Selleck? I, for one, am glad he was too busy with Magnum PI. The franchise just wouldn't be as cool without Harrison Ford.

-Kicks and Giggles, who is beside herself with anticipation and also a little worried that Crystal Skull is going to be a let-down, and who disagrees with Humble Master's sentiment below
A: Dear Junior

Kicks got it right, but I just wanted to add my own sense of anticipation for the upcoming Indiana Jones flick. However, I wish that rather than creating a generational franchise and moving them forward in time as they seem to be doing with this film (and George Lucas has implied he'd like to do with a follow-up) I wish they would recast Indiana Jones, ala James Bond, and keep him in the thirties and forties fighting Nazis. Fighting Nazis never gets old, and neither should Indiana Jones. But, whatever they do with the franchise I'll be seeing the movies.

-Humble Master
A: Dear Humble Master,

As much as I love Nazi-fightin', I was actually really glad that they didn't make Indy the ageless hero, like they did with Bond. We relate to Indy as a person, not just a title (and yeah, I think James Bond is more of a title than a person..."We confer upon you the title of Bond, and all the lasciviousness that comes with it; from this moment forth, you shall have your martinis shaken, not stirred").

So, hurrah for an aged Dr. Jones and the aged Harrison Ford that plays him!

A: Dear Claudio

Since they are bringing back Harrison Ford, I believe it was absolutely the right thing to move the story to the fifties. Having an old Harrison Ford fighting Nazis twenty years after Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade would have been weird. And since they moved the story to the fifties, it was absolutely the right thing to have Indiana Jones fight Communists, and also to involve aliens and psychics.

-Humble Master
Question #45216 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What are some lunch items like the starkist tuna lunch pack:
That do not require refridgeration and that I can eat for lunch at work?

little bugger

A: Dear Li'l Bugger,

I was working on a list of all my favorite portable foods (of which there are many, I am never without snacks), when I realized that it all sums up to 'brown bagging it'. If your mom never made you a brown bag lunch when you were a wee one, here's some basics:

-anything with peanut butter. Apples, celery, crackers, sandwich, rice cakes, etc., etc., etc. You could substitute PB with lunch meat or similar protein, if you're a lunch meat kind of person.
-fresh veggies! I'm on this cucumber thing. I think I've eaten sliced cucumbers every day for 3 weeks. And have you seen the individual serving size baggies of baby carrots? Fantastic.
-fresh fruit! It's super easy to grab an apple, pear, or similar item.
-They (Target, Walmart) sell these great packages of individual-size bagged chips. They even have a healthier package with Baked Lays and all that. I'm a big big fan.

If you're looking for more specific ideas, I'd encourage you to Google 'hypoglycemia snacks' or something similar because, well, that's what we do. If you're on Facebook, the groups Hypoglycemic, Unite! and Hypoglycemia have lots of discussion and ideas about portable food.

Question #45215 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'd like to sell my washing machine, but I'm not sure how much I should be asking for it. Is it better to look around on craigslist or ksl.com to see what other similar washers are going for, or is there some kind of website or "blue book" for washers that would tell me what the real value of my washer is?

- Next to godliness

A: Dear Clean,

I don't know of any "washing machine blue book," so I think your idea to search craigslist is a good one. I'd also suggest searching eBay for price ranges.

- Katya
Question #45214 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was reading Board Question #45126, and it brought to mind a similar (actually, almost opposite) problem I've been having:

I recently got a new mp3 player. However, it is not an iPod, and so it will not recognize my .mp4e format files. I've legally acquired the music, but I am unable to play them on my iPod. Is there a program out there that I can use to automatically convert my (rather large) library of music to .mp3 format?

~Baggins, the literary audiophile

A: Dear Frodo,

Okay, your question was kind of muddled, so I'm going to make some assumptions here.

1. You are unable to play music on your iPod, which you just stated you didn't have, so I'm going to assume the second "iPod" was used generically for "non-iPod mp3 player".

2. I'm going to assume by .mp4e you mean "songs I downloaded in iTunes", since I've never heard of .mp4e, .mp4 is generally a video file, and iTunes generally uses .m4p files.

Right. Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to brass tacks.

This is why you shouldn't buy music from iTunes!

Seriously. If at all possible, get MP3s from some other legal source like Amazon. Then you can do what you want with the files you bought.

The problem here is that Apple has actually been pretty successful with their DRM (Digital Rights Management) that restricts usage of that file. I'm kind of surprised it hasn't been hacked, actually, but there still isn't a good direct way (that I know of) to convert from m4p to mp3. However, it can be done and there are two main lines of attack.

The tried and true method is to burn your songs to a CD, which iTunes allows and which turns them into the unprotected CD format, then turn around and rip them back into MP3 format. Unfortunately, this gets very tedious for large amounts of files and wastes lots of CDs. That's why clever people thought to use a CD-burner emulator. This tricks iTunes into thinking it's burning to a CD, but really it's writing the CD format to your hard drive. From there, you can emulate an MP3 rip without actually using a CD. Some programs that do this are NoteBurner and CD Emulator, and one for Mac here.

The other main line of attack is to let iTunes play the song, then record the audio feed and encode it to MP3. You can find a big list of programs that do this here.

Many of these programs will cost you some money, but that's what you get for shackling yourself to Apple. And of course, it's probably technically illegal, so you've got that to worry about as well. Good luck!

-=Optimus Prime=-
Question #45213 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I know that this is called the 100 hour board because you can ask a question and you try to answer it with in 100 hours but what happens if you don't answer it with in 100 hours?
Just wondering!!!!:)

- A-Z

A: Dear Azk,

It gets answered in more than 100 hours. And the asker gets a full refund.

-=Optimus Prime=-
A: Dear A-Z,

When a question gets old, the entire space-time continuum is warped such that time progress is slowed exponentially as we approach a 100 hour limit. Thus, hour counts get asymptotically close to 100 hours, but never exceed it.

Oh, wait. That feature will be debuting in our next release of the Board system. Enjoy your sneak preview!

A: Dear A-Z~

Yellow neglected to mention that under the current system my Death Squad executes one writer for every hour a question goes over. It's pretty vicious.

So, uh, all you applicants -- think real carefully before applying, yeah?

~Hobbes can't wait for the Board upgrade
Question #45209 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was scanning the archives through use of the fantabulouso "I'm Board" button and stumbled across Board Question #34064 about shampoo. Now, I've been using Herbal Essences for years and years and many people tell me that my hair is some of the healthiest they've seen. But lately (as in, only the past few weeks, not the years I've been using Herbal Essences) my hair HAS been coming out a lot in the shower. I guess what I'm asking is, if sodium laureth sulfate is so bad for your hair, why is my hair so healthy? And why did my hair just recently start coming out more (not that it's a problem, I have very VERY thick hair, so...)? Thanks!

-My friends say I have yummy-smelling, "princess" hair

A: Dear princess,

Like you, I'm not at all convinced that sodium laureth sulfate is really bad for your hair. You may want to check out Board Question #36564 for a couple more responses about that, which were partially in response to the question you referenced.

—Laser Jock
A: Dear princess,

Have you been really stressed lately? Gone through any significant life changes? That makes my hair start falling out faster.

Question #45208 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear boarders,

I've been thinking that I should probably start adding more fruits and veggies into my diet, and my experience with farmers' markets back home was that they tended to have cheaper/fresher produce than normal grocery stores. Do you know of any farmers' markets in the Provo area?

- sick of Ramen

A: Dear everybody loves Ramen,

There is a Farmer's Market in Provo, but be warned that it is seasonal and is as much crafts as it is produce, from my experience. You can get some information about it and other options from Board Question #7496, Board Question #38907, Board Question #38661, and Board Question #37420.

-=Optimus Prime=-
Question #45194 posted on 05/24/2008 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I am looking for title, artist, background, available recording and/or sheet music for a tribute song to Pres. Hinckley I've heard several times. I don't know the details, but I have the lyrics and it is sung by children.


Man of honor,
Man of wisdom,
Man of pure prophetic vision,
Building temples
Spreading goodwill,
Showing kindness to all people,
Traveling everywhere,
Always with love to share,
Gordon B. Hinckley.

Man of virtue,
Man of learning,
Always teaching, humbly serving,
Man of courage,
Man of action,
Led by faith and revelation,
Knowing the will of God,
Spreading the truth abroad,
Gordon B. Hinckley.

Bless us with ears to hear,
Words from a prophet dear,
Gordon B. Hinckley.

God be with him till we meet again,
- Hinckley Fan

A: Dear Hinckley Fan,

The only thing I've been able to find is a tribute CD called "Man of Honor," but it doesn't include a song by that name. Stay tuned for possible help from our intrepid readers!

- Katya