Dear 100 Hour Board,
#92017 was fascinating to read about to me. How many offshoots of the LDS church are there and what did/do they believe? What's the most interesting one out there?
-I've heard of the FLDS and RLDS church before but that's it
Dear same here,
Prepare yourself. Here are basically all the offshoots of the church Joseph Smith established. Data comes from this amazing timeline (seriously go look at it). There may be churches missing but hopefully I got all the orders right, and more info on these churches can be found here, which I liberally used and often straight out copied without using quotation marks (thank you Wikipedia and please forgive me).
This is really, really long. Sorry about that. But it's super fascinating. I think the most interesting one is the Perfected Church of Jesus Christ of Immaculate Latter-day Saints (number 30). Not only did they believe in polygamy, but the founder taught menstruation could be eliminated through righteousness, priesthood alchemy could turn common metals into gold, and that his partner's pregnancy was an immaculate conception. All in all, a religion founded by a man who has no clue about female anatomy.
tl;dr: most of these churches held the same tenets of Mormonism. The founders usually thought they had the true authority, or the mainstream church went astray by certain practices (like practicing or not practicing polygamy).
The first church: Church of Christ. 1830. Founded by Joseph Smith.
So all in all we got about 88 offshoots. Holy heavens above.
-guppy of doom
Dear 100 Hour Board,
I need your help. My sanity is at stake. There is a song stuck in my head, but I don't know what it is called!! Here's what I know: It's a female singer singing about a woman named Alice who is in love with the postman. A possible line, ''hey alice, do you wanna go out tonight?"
I have searched for hours to find the song and I just can't. Please help. I need this song out of my head. Thank you.
When you posted this question the first time, I tried looking it up and could find nothing. Tipperary couldn't find anything as well. Judging by the lack of corrections on the post, it seems none of our readers know it either. I suggest you write your own version of the song, publish it, and see which band sues you for copyright issues.
-guppy of doom
Dear 100 Hour Board,
The writers in 2012 weren't too keen on answering Board Question #68368, citing it was tedious and there was no known reason. Looking at the dates, there was a reason: something big happened within a day or two of the date listed (New York Times, September 10th 2001 tipped me off). I won't repeat the question, but what might be the big events that this reader was subtly referencing? (and for bonus points, something that did happen on that unsuspecting overlooked day in history)
So I know you didn't ask for us to answer the original question, but I started to because I was curious and then I got into it and then it was just too late. And tedious is right.
Some of the papers required payment for access, others are small enough that the only archives are in local libraries as microfiche. I don't get paid enough as a Board Writer to be able to afford Washington Post articles from 20 years ago or travel to Kansas, but I tried my best. However, I don't think all of them are actually referencing super significant dates. I did a lot of local research in and around those dates both nationally and locally based on the newspaper... and some of them just didn't turn up anything interesting. But, since you asked and because I looked it up anyway, here you go:
Deseret News--January 9, 2012
For this one, it's really hard to tell which thing was the headliner, but here's the link to all the articles for that day.
Fave bonus story of the day: A couple entered an unlocked Taylorsville home, watched TV, took showers, and drank hot cocoa and then left. Didn't take anything. They just.... trespassed and then left....???
I looked up the news for January 7-11 and didn't really find anything that stands out as particularly memorable. January 9th, 2012, is about 1 month before Joshua Powell and his two sons were killed (murder-suicide) in their home. Also, it was right when Mitt Romney was running for president, so that was definitely a lot of what the Utah news was about. You can tinker around in the archives yourself, but I genuinely have no idea what 'larger event' may be nearby. Readers who may know may enlighten us all.
Ogden Standard-Examiner--May 15, 1999
This is one that I simply couldn't find. I also couldn't find much about any news from other sources around that date. There was a major tornado in SLC within a few months... but nothing particularly notable, unless readers (again) are aware of something.
If you're dying to find out yourself, I emailed the Standard-Examiner and they said that the Weber Library has microfiched articles.
Chicago Sun Times--August 31, 2004
WM. KENNEDY SMITH SWINGS BACK // HIS LAWYER: IT'S 'SOLEY AND EXCLUSIVELY' ABOUT MONEY // He denies sexual assault, his attorney calls accuser's suit 'a gross abuse' of legal system... That's mostly it... most of the major news headlines on and around that date are about the sexual assault accusations of William Kennedy Smith.
The day before, the Republican National Convention started for 2004 in which George W. Bush would be nominated, and demonstrators carried mock coffins outside Madison Square Garden.
New York Times--September 10, 2001
Published weekly, so there wasn't anything specifically for the 10th, but on the 9th the headline was "Fear of Recession Ignites Discussion of More Tax Cuts." How exciting! And you definitely already guessed the nearby date.
Los Angeles Times--September 12, 2001
I bet you can guess with this one. "Terrorists Attack New York, Pentagon: Thousands dead, injured as Hijacked US Airliners Ram Targets, World Trade Towers Brought Down"... and that's pretty much all the news that day.
Washington Post--November 7, 2000
WP wanted to charge me to look at anything in their archives, which is stupid. But Nov. 7, 2000, was the historical election where George H. W. Bush won against Al Gore in what has been determined to be "the closest election in U.S. History." I'm sure that day they weren't quite talking about the problems with Floridian votes because that wouldn't be until later that night. Undoubtedly though, the Post had frontline news focused entirely on the election.
Los Alamos Monitor--March 22, 1997
The only news I could find was that a nuclear physics study lab in Los Alamos got a new president and supposedly some really important documents went missing. In 1997 I found indications that China had stolen some data or information from the Los Alamos National Laboratory and the White House found out in the summer. Anyway, whatever it was, it definitely involved a nuclear physics study lab. I couldn't find any exact sheets or headlines, but some of the general news around that date indicates that's what was going on. See Here and Here.
Topeka Capital-Journal--February 29, 1996
No idea here either... but if you really care, you can check out the Microfilm at the Kansas Historical Society on Reel NP 4403. Maybe something about the murder of Michael Jordan's father in North Carolina is the date being referenced?
Concord Monitor--June 17, 1995
I'm pretty sure there was no published newspaper on the 17th, but the headlining article for the 18th says, "Center questions still linger: Council votes tomorrow". Further research explains that the city was trying to buy property for a civic center, and that was the major news for most of June in Concord. June 20th news indicates that the City Council voted (13-2) to buy the property and spend $3 million on building the center. Again, that's mostly what they're focused on. See Here.
Savannah Tribune--April 1, 1990
I really don't know what the original asker of the question was going for. Nothing particularly notable happened in April or March of 1990 in Savannah specifically. Here and here are lists of events in GA in April 1990... and I don't see anything. Granted, at this point I stopped looking as hard because I didn't feel like there was much to find. You can find murders and political scandals and "newsworthy" events for all of these dates, but none of them really add up to me. If you're interested, lots of big golf Tournament stuff happened on April 1, 1990 around the nation... so there's that.
So, my dear Corsica... I have no idea what dates all of these newspaper references are nodding to. I almost doubt that all of them are pointing to anything specific, because I dove into countless rabbitholes to get the originals and also to find historical events connected to the dates... and some of them just turned up completely empty handed. Maybe my standards weren't high, and maybe I just wasn't sure what to search for. I don't remember any of these dates... but if we have readers who are appalled that I could possibly miss something obvious about any one of them, drop a correction because I would genuinely like to know.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
According to the U.S. government Office of Women’s Health (https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/sexual-assault-and-rape/sexual-assault) the term “Sexual Assault” includes non-consensual sexual activity by physical contact, as you might expect, but “can also be verbal, visual, or non-contact.” Examples include voyeurism, exhibitionism, or sending some unwanted texts or “sexts.” It includes sexual harassment.
Sexual harassment in turn is officially defined by the Office of Women’s Health to include behavior such as making comments about your clothing, body, behavior, or romantic relationships. Making sexual jokes or comments, whistling or catcalling. Spreading rumors about your personal or sexual life.
I like the way this understanding of sexual assault emphasis that sexual assault is not just sexual physical contact. It places the blame on the perpetrator even though the perpetrator may be blissfully unaware that his sexual jokes, comments, body exposure, or whistles may be harmful to his victims, who are never at fault. And it is not up to the perpetrator to determine if his conduct is within the appropriate social norms, traditions, or customs for the time and place. It is solely how the victim perceives his behavior as being unwanted and sexual in nature. My question is, what do you like or dislike about the Office of Women’s Health’s definition of “sexual assault?” Is it useful?
I think this definition is unclear in ways that have allowed you to interpret it differently than I would, and that kind of ambiguity bugs me when it comes to a term people are going to take legal (or other punitive) action based on.
You and I agree that:
a) It is not a victim's fault if they are sexually harassed
b) It is possible to sexually harass someone without touching them
Here's where you and I diverge somewhat. You say that "it is not up to the perpetrator to determine if his conduct is within the appropriate social norms, traditions, or customs for the time and place. It is solely how the victim perceives his behavior as being unwanted and sexual in nature." Let's break that down.
Point 1: A perpetrator does not get to determine whether what he did is within appropriate norms of time/culture/place.
This is accurate in the sense that you can't just decide that something is okay and that means it is okay. Furthermore, I think that while some behavioral standards are influenced by time and place, consent is consent (and nonconsent is nonconsent) and basic fundamentals of morality are constant through time and culture.
Point 2a: Sexual assault is determined solely by the victim feeling that s/he does not welcome the behavior...
Point 2b: ... and by him/her perceiving the behavior as sexual.
These are where my biggest problems with your interpretation lie, I think. In general, I think that crimes should require intent (or, as it's referred to in law, a mens rea or evil mind) as well as doing something that causes a bad result (the actus reus" or evil hand). Though some crimes are statutory and have no mens rea, it's probably not a great idea to eliminate the requirement generally for reasons I don't want to dive off into here. (Submit another question if interested).
This does not mean that someone must intend to sexually harass you, because there are various states of mind that will suffice for a mens rea, depending on how we choose to write and adjudicate our laws. For something like sexual harassment, I'd probably favor a definition that included lower mental states like "recklessness" or "wilfullness." (e.g. it's harassment if a reasonable person really should know that you don't welcome this person's attention, but they're super stupid about it, or purposefully trying to ignore your "no" signals.)
What I take issue with is the fact that you've eliminated any objectivity by determining that both welcome/unwelcomeness and sexuality of conduct are determined internally by the victim rather than based on some sort of objective standard.
Most people who sexually harass someone will know that their actions are unwelcome. However, it's problematic to convict people of crimes (either legally or in the court of public opinion) based on criteria which could be invisible to anyone but the victim.
To be clear:
-Someone about to act sexually towards another person is responsible for ascertaining consent
-Every individual always has the right to refuse or withdraw consent
That's not really what we're concerned with here, though. My concern with your interpretation of this definition is summed up by the following scenarios. I do not suggest that these situations represent the majority of sexual harassment, but they could (and may actually) happen and that means that the definition needs to account for them.
Hypothetical 1: Carol is a friendly worker who greets each co-worker as they pass her receptionist's desk. She likes to compliment people and will often congratulate them on work-based accomplishments or mention things like new haircuts or glasses or such. One day Carol says to Dean "I like your plaid shirt Dean, lookin' good! Have a great weekend!" as he leaves the office. Dean thinks that Carol's comment on his shirt is sexualizing him, because he is a bodybuilder who works hard to build up his pectoral muscles, and because he thinks she knows he has a photoshoot as a swimsuit model this weekend.
Problems: Carol may not have even known that Dean had a swimsuit shoot this weekend, much less been making a creepy allusion to how Dean's pecs would look during it. All she meant to do was to compliment his tie, and 99 people out of 100 would perceive no problem here. However, if Dean gets to determine what behavior is sexual (rather than a reasonable, objective standard being applied), this constitutes sexual harassment if Dean didn't like it and thinks Carol meant it sexually.
Hypothetical 2: Geoffrey is on his second date with Linda, a girl he has been friends with for a few weeks. They are watching the newest season of "Great British Bake Show" in Geoffrey's apartment, alone, after eating dinner together. Geoffrey says to Linda "Can I hold your hand?" Linda says yes, but is secretly uncomfortable because she has already decided that she doesn't want to go on another date with Geoffrey. Linda isn't happy about holding his hand, but doesn't want to say no and make the rest of the night awkward.
Problems: In most real-world situations, there are ways to tell that someone isn't into you or they'll tell you. However, there are also scenarios where people intentionally hide what they're feeling.. In these situations, I don't think we can hold someone else responsible for knowing that another's feelings on welcomeness differed from what their actions portrayed.
I'll restate that these scenarios are not what we are usually concerned about when we discuss sexual assault: we are most frequently concerned about situations where it's pretty clear that something was both sexual and unwelcome to all parties: victim, perpetrator, and objective observer. While ambiguous cases like the above may occur, what people commonly mean by sexual harassment is much more clear, harmful, and blatant.
But when we set up a rule that's going to define when people get punished for something, I prefer it to be inclusive of not just the most likely scenario, but of less-likely-but-possible ones as well. Accordingly, I have problems with the way you've read this definition, and thus with the ambiguity in the definition itself. I think a definition for sexual assault must clarify the standards by which actions are evaluated, and I don't think that relying on things that can occur solely in a victim's head (even if they usually don't) is appropriate when it comes to punishing someone else. If we only look at the victim's mind, we run the risk of punishing people for behavior that they didn't and shouldn't have had reason to know was wrong.
So what would I change? I'm reluctant to come up with my own word-for-word definition because it would probably be inadequate in many ways. That being said, here are elements I think we need to get across in defining sexual assault for legal purposes, and that we should consider when deciding whether an accused perpetrator deserves non-legal punishments (like shunning, job loss, etc).
1. A perpetrator who does something that they know or that, interpreted by a reasonable person with knowledge of relevant context, is sexual.
So, I want something that's objectively sexual to have occurred. This will vary by context.
A man walking into an LDS Relief Society meeting wearing a Speedo and interrupting the lesson to stand with his groin at eye level in front of the woman who refused to date him may well be sexual (and unwelcome, but we'll discuss unwelcomeness next). However, standing around in a Speedo at the beach while you enjoy the waves at your feet is probably not.
Pulling off your friend's wig as part of a prank war at a Halloween party is probably not sexual, but pulling off the wig of a Hasidic Jewish coworker may well be.
However, we can look objectively at those situations, if we know the relevant context (things like: history between the people concerned, the location, the culture and individual history of the people concerned, etc.) This enables evaluation according to an objective, reasonable standard as to whether conduct should be interpreted as sexual. It lets us know whether someone should have known what they were doing would be seen as sexual.
2. A perpetrator who does something that they know or that, interpreted by a reasonable person with knowledge of relevant context, is unwelcome.
So I also want something that's objectively unwelcome to have happened. Again, the context matters.
A woman who says "I really need to go to work" when her husband goes in for a kiss in the morning, but who continues to kiss her husband may well be happily consenting despite her protests about the time. If we know enough about the couple's relationship dynamics and current circumstances, we may be able to interpret the ensuing makeout as fully consensual even though the same words could indicate a nonconsensual encounter under different circumstances. (For example: the same woman saying that she needs to get to work to the creepy guy who's following her on the sidewalk trying to invite her to coffee at his apartment.)
Again, this objectivity allows us to evaluate whether the perpetrator should have known that his actions were unwelcome (and thus harassment).
Note: In my opinion, it is possible to be hurt by the actions of another and for your pain to be real, even if what they did does not qualify as "harassment" under these criteria. We should support those who need our help dealing with pain and sadness. However, it is also important that we do not set up definitions that assume that any time one person is hurt another person must be legally (or morally) worthy of punishment.
Essentially, here are the possible scenarios
1. The perpetrator and an objective observer can tell that the victim would be offended by the sexual act: This is harassment.
2. The perpetrator does not know the victim would be offended, but the objective observer can tell. This is probably still harassment, because it's important for society to have reasonable standards of actions. You can't go around harassing people or committing crimes just because you're stupid or purposefully ignorant of basic behavioral standards.
3. The perpetrator knows the victim would be offended, but the objective observer doesn't know. This is the concerning situation. I acknowledge the troubling possibility that there is secret knowledge held by predators that doesn't make it to a jury or any other observer that enables the harasser to use externally reasonable behavior to harass someone. Such action is clearly immoral, but I do not have a good answer to how a morally sound and consistent legal system can identify and punish it without using rules that are subjective and/or creating a risk of false conviction (the prevention of which is a major fundamental of the American legal system).
4. The perpetrator does not know and an objective observer does not know that the action is sexual/unwelcome. In this case, we should still seek to help the person who is feeling pain or sorrow, but I do not think it's moral to punish someone for something they couldn't have reasonably known was going to hurt the other person.
In summary: The two elements I suggested above (objective sexualty and objective welcomeness) describe how we can evaluate someone else's behavior without having access to their brain, and I believe that this is the standard we should generally use for law and one we should frequently consult (though not necessarily always emulate) for social or other institutional rules/standards.* It doesn't seem fair to me to use the internal workings of a victim's mind as the sole determinant of what is and isn't sexual harassment. In order for sexual assault to mean something other than "Something I don't like," I think there needs to be a tether to an objective standard. However, objective standards like these never excuse immorality: Each of us is accountable to ourselves and to God for our own motivations and actions, and we won't get off by saying that something we knew was wrong even if an observer couldn't know that.
*It's important to me that the legal system err on the side of avoiding false conviction. By contrast, there may be times where social or other institutional sanctions, punishments, or even just adjustments are appropriate with less evidence. To make an analogy: criminal cases usually require conviction "beyond a reasonable doubt" while civil cases may punish someone if the evidence is "a preponderance" (basically >50% chance). If we're only 51% sure Jerry harassed his coworker Kelsey, I don't want Jerry in jail, but I'm fine with his company choosing to fire him or relocate his position to another office.
Tell me all about the world of academia in Harry Potter. Are there magical universities? What fields exist beyond what gets taught at Hogwarts? What do philosophy and science and the arts look like in the magical world? What would you write your dissertation on?
There are not magical universities, but students with exceptional magical gifts are often mentored by more experienced magical academicians. It is common for professors at the eleven wizarding schools to conduct and publish research. However, there are many other people who are not academics who also publish. This is particularly common among wandmakers, potioneers, healers, and government officials. However, intellectuals from many walks of life participate. For example, before his death, ice cream parlour owner Florean Fortescue was a frequent publisher in the periodicals Magical History and Philosophical and Ethical Issues in Magic.
Speaking of periodicals, research-oriented periodicals have existed in the wizarding world since the late 18th century. They were originally established by wizards who followed topics in non-magical academics and found the format to be useful. The first seven journals were the only journals until the middle of the 19th century. With the exception of Clairvoyant and Alchemical Studies, they are now the most prestigious journals in magic. I'm hoping that this section gives you a sampling of the most active areas of magical academia.
The Practical Potioneer. The very first magical scholarly periodical. Contains articles about potion methodology, brewing, and application.
Transfiguration Today. Contains articles about all types of magical transfigurations. More recently focuses on non-human transfiguration.
Challenges in Charming. Contains articles about all types of magical charms. Originally had greater emphasis on magical theory, now is more application-focused.
Wandlore. Contains primarily case studies of the creation and use of particular wands with remarkable (or remarkably unremarkable) properties.
Being, Beast, and Creature. Contains articles about non-human magical animals with emphasis on philosophical issues pertaining to the definitions of being, beast, and creature and classification of animals into categories.
Magical Botany. Contains articles about magical plants and magical uses of non-magical plants.
Developments in the Dark Arts. Journal that documents new forms of dark magic. Interestingly, it is typically written by anonymous authors to protect their identities.
Alchemical Studies. Now defunct. Contained articles about magical elixirs (extraordinary potions, such as felix felicis) and the uses of the philosopher's stone and its derivatives.
Clairvoyant. Contains articles about fortune-telling methodologies and prophecies. Now only slightly more prestigious than The Quibbler.
The second generation of scholarly journals were created starting in the middle of the 19th century. They reflect increased recognition of specialized charms and spells in mainstream magical scholarship. Additionally, greater attention was beginning to be paid to theory and philosophy of magic. I've provided a list of English language journals below.
Frontiers in Magic
Advances in Sorcery
Theory for Magicians
Philosophical and Ethical Issues in Magic
Controversies in Magic
History of Magic:
Modern Magical History Review
Wizards and Muggles Throughout History
International Journal of Magical History
Quantitative Journal of Potionmaking
Studies in Potions
Potions of Non-European Origin
Properties of Potions
Theory in Transfiguration
The Journal of Human Transfiguration
Issues in Animal Transfiguration
Empirical Studies of Transfiguration
Sentience and Transfiguration
Non-Traditional Applications of Magic
Journal of Non-Verbal Magic
Journal of Defensive Magic
Jinxes, Hexes, and Curses
Case Studies in Unintentional Magic
Essays on Healing
Unusual Cases in Healing
Journal of Pediatric Healing
The Clinical Journal of Magical Maladies and Healing
Clinical Review of Non-Magical Medicine
Divination and Related Disciplines:
Theoretical Issues in Divination
Proceedings from the International Society of Divination and Arithmancy
Progression in Palmistry
Occlumency and Legilimency:
Magic and Mind
Psychology of the Magical Mind
The International Journal of Dragonology
Magical Organisms of the Old World
Magical Animals and Plants (North America)
Magical Animals and Plants (South America)
Australian Journal of Magical Fauna and Flora
Magical Marine Life
Archives of Muggle Studies
The Journal of Muggle Studies
Non-Magic Peoples of the New World
Muggle Scholarship Review
Applications of Muggle Technology
Art and Literature:
Studies of Magical Portraits
Journal of Magical Art
Contemporary Wizarding Art
International Journal of Magical Literature
Magic and Language
The Journal of Quantitative Studies in Wandmaking
Journal of Magical Pedagogy
Cultural Studies in Magic
Studies of Squibs
Magic and Death
Rulings of English-Speaking Wizengamots
Magic and Time
Philosophy, Science, and Art
Philosophy in the wizarding world is pretty similar to philosophy in the muggle world. Metaphysics, epistemology, axiology, and logic are all discussed by learned witches and wizards. However, there are additional questions and applications in magic. Magical metaphysics is also a common area of study. For example, how is it that accidental magic results in anything other than explosions or undifferentiated goo? Does this reflect some underlying aspect of the nature of reality? This is actually quite mysterious if you think about it. The intersection between ethics and magic are also fascinating. One phenomenon that has sparked interest in this topic is that many witches and wizards have found they are incapable of performing unforgiveable curses.
Science has become more of an interest for wizards as muggles have become more technologically advanced. Increasingly, academics are doing sophisticated, controlled experiments to better understand phenomena. For example, many young wandmakers are systematically varying the properties of wands to determine the actual impact of different cores, woods, and lengths.
Wizarding art, as you could imagine, is extremely cool. Many wizarding artists like to use the same techniques and methods of muggle art, such as painting and sculpting. They then enchant the results. However, there are some mediums that wizards can use that muggles cannot, such as potions. Contemporary magical art, as you might imagine, is about pushing the limits of the definition of art. For example, individuals participating in one contemporary movement of magical art are highly interested in enchantments that temporarily influence aesthetic perception. Another group is interested in art without spell-casting, similar to the muggle artistic movement of minimalism.
This might require more than one study, but I think it would be really cool to study incantations and why they work. Why are so many of them in Latin? What is the underlying structure that causes certain words to activate certain spells? If that is already known, then can magic be activated using light, or magnets, or other sounds, or any other medium?
-Sheebs, who is now saddened by the comparative boringness of her actual dissertation
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Now that the new engineering building is open and everything, I realize that the College of Engineering has at least three main buildings (Clyde, Crabtree, and EB) plus a number of lab buildings like the Fletcher and the Snell. I also realized that I couldn't think of another college with that many buildings.
So which college, school, or department has the most floorspace/square footage?
-Is It Obvious which Major I'm Doing?
Which college has the most floor space? I think the best way to determine this is with a chart! Because charts make everything better (Is it obvious which major I'm doing?) The columns will be colleges and the rows buildings. If I believe that a college has some claim to a building, then I will mark it with an X. Ideally, there would be a hard and fast rule such as a college only being able to claim a building if it houses a department office in that building, but ain't nobody got time for that (at least not busy college students).
There are a lot of auxiliary buildings that I've decided to exclude for the sake of time and personal sanity, so unfortunately office buildings, storage buildings, greenhouses and the like are not included in this tally. Anyways, without further ado let's look at the breakdown:
|Business||Education||Engineering||Family Home and Social Sciences||Fine Arts and Communications||Humanities||International Studies||Law||Life Sciences||Nursing||Physical & Mathematical Sciences||Religious Education|
J Rueben Clark
*Note, as you can see I don't really have the MARB belonging to anyone. Pretty much every college has classes there, but who really likes it? So no one claims it.
Now for a list of square footage by building (source for building sizes):
Benson: 192,246 sq ft.
Brimhall: 40,276 sq ft.
Herald Clark: 30,879 sq ft.
J Rueben Clark: 174,970 sq ft.
Clyde: 203,575 sq ft.
Crabtree: 99,448 sq ft.
Engineering: 200,000 sq ft.
Eyring: 187,590 sq ft.
Testing Center: 26,463 sq ft.
HFAC: 292,817 sq ft.
SWKT: 133,849 sq ft.
JKB: 139,164 sq ft.
Life Sciences: 269,936 sq ft.
MARB: 43,717 sq ft.
McKay: 80,939 sq ft.
JFSB: 312,006 sq ft.
JSB: 73,815 sq ft.
Snell: 37,796 sq ft.
Talmage: 158,696 sq ft.
Tanner: 196,000 sq ft.
Now for the totals. Colleges will be listed along with the buildings they have in parenthesis. I'll start with the lowest and build up to our champion.
12th. International Studies (Herald Clark Building): 30,879 sq ft.
11th. Education (McKay Building): 80,939 sq ft.
10th. Religious Education (Testing Center, Joseph Smith Building): 100,278 sq ft.
9th. Nursing (SWKT): 133,849 sq ft.
8th. Law (J. Rueben Clark Building): 174,970 sq ft.
7th. Business (Tanner Building): 196,000 sq ft.
6th. Family, Home and Social Sciences (SWKT, JFSB): 445,855 sq ft.
5th. Humanities (JKB, JFSB): 451,170 sq ft.
4th. Fine Arts and Communication (Brimhall, HFAC, JKB): 472,707 sq ft.
3rd. Physical & Mathematical Sciences (Benson, Eyring, Talmage): 538,532 sq ft.
2nd. Engineering (Clyde, Crabtree, Engineering Building, Snell) 540,810 sq ft.
1st. Life Sciences (Eyring, SWKT, Life Science Building): 591,375 sq ft.
Life Science is the winner ladies and gentleman. Now, this is going by college to the best of my knowledge so it may be off. As far as majors go, Alta mentioned that some majors might spread across even more buildings because they have classes from several different colleges.
But, if we're willing to think outside the box a little we could find a very clear cut winner. BYU has two mottos; one of which is "The World is Our Campus". Although international studies has the smallest amount of building space ON CAMPUS, they cover a huge amount of area off campus. There's the BYU Jerusalem Center, BYU London Centre, and study abroads, internships, and field studies all across the globe. So, in a stunning turn of events INTERNATIONAL STUDIES WINS IN A LANDSLIDE!
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Today I was driving by a church building (belonging to another Christian denomination) with a "for sale" sign. It made me wonder what would happen if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ever needed to sell one of its church buildings. Does this ever happen, and if so, how do they go about selling it? I can't imagine seeing a "for sale" sign in front, so maybe they'd find a private buyer of sorts; would they just sell the land and take down the building? Or sell the whole thing as is? Thoughts?
Funny that you ask, but I have actually helped the Church sell buildings and land. They sell property all the time and all across the world and so your scenario actually happens quite frequently.
The Church usually has a long-standing contract with a commercial real estate brokerage in the United States who handles their transactions. When the Church sells property it is called a disposition project. They ask for an opinion of value by a licensed real estate agent or the equivalent and they match it with their internal valuation to make sure they don't list it for a price that they are not willing to sell it for. Here's a picture of a Church building in Preston, Montana that sold a few years ago (I got this picture from the commercial real estate assisting the Church at the time):
If the valuation is high enough, they will agree to sell it. This approval can take weeks or months. The real estate agent(s) involved are actually encouraged to put a sign on the property so that people who pass by the building or land will know that it is for sale. Typically the property is also listed on multiple websites for sale to attract as many potential buyers as possible. The standard process is to list the property for 30 days before responding to any offers as to give each buyer an equal chance of submitting an offer and doing some preliminary research in order to submit a reasonable offer.
Another tidbit of information that you may not be aware of is that when the Church decides to sell a meetinghouse they decommission the building. Essentially decommissioning a building involves removing the steeple, removing Church signage from the building and property, and filling the baptismal font.
Upon receiving offers, the Church has an internal review process that can take weeks or even months to respond to buyers. It can be frustrating to buy property from the Church because the process can take quite a long time.
One question you might or might not ask is: "Why would the Church contract with a commercial real estate brokerage in the United States even when they are selling property in Europe, Africa, or other continents and countries? Great question! Well, the Church prefers to have one point of contact for all of their transactions instead of having hundreds or thousands of points of contacts across the world. It helps the Church keep track of all their disposition, acquisition, and leasing projects straight, and it helps keeps transactions from being held over longer than normal.
Anyways, this is probably more information than you anticipated, but it's currently my job and I am loving it! Do you have any other questions regarding Church real estate or real estate in general? I'm happy to answer more questions like this!
-Sunday Night Banter
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Does water have enough surface tension that an ant (maybe your average small, black kitchen ant) could walk across it? Conversely, how much surface tension would a liquid have to have for a human to walk across it? Is such a liquid possible?
-the mad hatter
Beautiful question. Just beautiful.
The potential in your first question r e a l l y depends on the ant, and I wouldn't call it "walking." Ants have a lot of different sizes and a lot of different instincts. Black kitchen ants in the western US are much smaller than the mammoths back home in Maryland. But there aren't any species I know of that can really "walk" on water. Even bugs who are designed to travel on the surface aren't so much picking up their legs and walking, as they are pushing through the surface layer.
Maintaining surface tension is not strictly about mass. It's about weight distribution and the pressure placed on individual bonds between water molecules. Think of a needle laying on top of fabric vs the needle being stabbed through the fabric. Singular ants are often small enough not to break the surface tension of water. Their exoskeletons are hydrophobic which helps a lot. But after a few minutes the ant will sink. Their tiny legs break the surface tension because of the pressure applied at the point of the leg without being distributed. Water skeeters (or the Gerridae family) on the other hand, distribute that pressure with tiny hairs all along their legs that allow them to push through the surface layer of the water without breaking it.
Red ants (Solenopsis invicta) have a rafting instinct to save the colony in the event of flooding. They lock their mandibles together, forming tight pockets of air between them. The air bubbles help distribute the weight to prevent the specified pressure on the water bonds. The colony can float for weeks while they wait for floodwaters to subside. So, yeah they can sit atop the surface layer but that's about it. Too much motion or release of the air pockets could penetrate the surface tension and, depending on the density of the ant, it would sink or at least get waterlogged.
Technically, maintaining surface tension is a different phenomenon than floatation. Floatation is a relationship between density, buoyancy, and maybe viscosity. You can get wet with water and still float. But if you get wet you've broken the surface tension.
Basically, water skeeting(riding the surface tension) requires a certain relationship between the weight, the perimeter(or area) of the contact point, and the angle of the contact point. Human feet have many angles and contact points so it would require a liquid with enough surface tension (exerted force when stretched) to constantly out compete your weight/foot area/contact angles relationships.
Surface tension is the force F per unit length L exerted by a stretched liquid membrane. Think of stretching a rubberband and how much force is waiting to be released. It's like that, only recognizing that such force is already being applied on your finger, and can be measured in terms of F over L. So how much force is being exerted by water when it gets stretched? Usually about 73 millinewtons (mN) per meter (m).
Mercury has the highest surface tension relationships of any known element usually at around 485 mN/m. Converting that to pound-force you get .11 lbs/m. So mercury can support .11 pounds for every meter of contact. So a 132 pound human (such as myself) would require 1200 meters (3937 feet) of contact to maintain surface tension on a pool of mercury. I would basically need to be flattened into a very thin sheet of mass. Without being flattened out like that I would sink and bob until I reached equilibrium. That would probably submerge me partially and then flip me to have the most surface area distribution a.k.a laying flat.
The average adult foot is about 1 meter. For simplification we won't talk about contact points and angles of that foot, or those of a foot in motion. But since walking requires one foot at a time and it is a very convenient conversion factor, we're going to use it. You need a liquid that can support 132 pounds over only 1 meter. The force of that liquid would have to be 132 pounds. Or, for the sake of comparison with mercury's 485 mN/m, it would have surface tension of 587170 mN/m. That is a very active amount of energy stored in the surface of a liquid. Like a swimming pool that is also a trampoline that also isn't defined by viscosity.
That brings me to non-Newtonian fluids. If you don't know what those are you should check out this video. Non-Newtonian fluids are about non-static viscosity. Not surface tension. These things can behave as both a liquid and a solid depending on the force applied to them. So they get the "walking on liquid" job done quite nicely. Whereas a liquid with high surface tension holds things up by applying force, non-Newtonian fluids hold things up by having force applied and becoming more solid. If you could have a liquid that was both non-Newtonian and had a high enough surface tension, the force would be applied to itself and it would act as a solid. Which actually turns out to be pretty boring because now it's just a solid. So I guess that's how we get trampolines.
There you have it! Bonus analysis: If Jesus altered surface tension to walk on water he would have had to make up for pretty much his entire body weight in exerted force on a 1 meter foot. Scholars estimate that he was probably about 5'1 and weighed about 110 pounds. He was probably pretty muscular based on his profession, maybe with some atrophy at the time of the miracle. So he might have weighed a little more. So we're looking at maybe like a spiritual pound-force of 120?
Some other videos for your imagination:
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Runners always move to the inside when going around a curve because it's shorter.
How many miles would you save on a trip across the US (say on I-80 from SF to NYC but if you'd rather take I-10 from LA to Jacksonville, that's fine too) if you always moved to the inside of the curve of the road?
Related to that, how much gas would you save if you always drove the inside of the curve of the road?
-Yuki Kawauchi in a panda suit
What a great question. Fun fact: the outside lane of a standard track is 453 meters, which is 53 meters longer than the inside lane. Calculating that distance is relatively simple, because you just measure the straightaways, and then use the formula arc length=radius*angle. You add those up and you end up with the difference if you're good at math and putting things into calculators. Figuring out how much of a difference it would make driving on the inside is trickier though because we don't know how many curves there are, and how much we save on each curve. How will we find out? We shall guesstimate!
Guesstimate 1: How many curves are there?
So, to estimate how many curves there are, I will count the number of curves on a 10 mile stretch of 1-10 (Jacksonville baby!) and then use that number to estimate the total number of curves. So, this is the stretch of road I chose:
Between Los Angeles and Ontario there were 26 turns over the 39.4 miles. The trip from Los Angeles to Jacksonville is 2,416 miles. So if we take 2,416 miles/ 39.4 miles * 26 turns we end up with an estimated 1594 turns on our trip.
Guesstimate 2: How much do we save on each curve?
How much are we saving on each turn. Well, the majority of the spots on 1-10 I looked were 2 lanes and looked like this:
The average two lane road is 24 feet wide, but the cars will drive in the middle so the the distance between the center of both cars is more like 12 feet. The majority of turns, as you can see actually aren't very big turns. I would say that the majority of the curves you will find are only about 45 degrees, and most of them won't be more than 90 degrees. We'll guess that each curve is somewhere in the middle. We'll go with a generous 57.29 degrees because that gives us a 1 radian per curve and makes our math easier. So, now for our final guesstimate:
1594 turns * 1 radian/turn * 12 ft. radius differential per turn *(1/5280) miles/ft. = 3.622 miles
There you have it folks, it looks like cheating the inside corners will save you about 4 miles on your trip. This only works out to saving you about 0.15% of the distance. Now we could be off, but I honestly don't think we'd be off by much for three reasons:
So, in the end, how much does our 3.622 miles save us on gas?
3.622 miles / 20 mpg * $3/gallon = $0.54
That's right folks, 54 cents. The moral of the story here is that cutting corners doesn't pay, kids.
P.S. Enjoy your well earned cash. Don't spend it all in one place though, eh?
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Why doesn’t the Church run background checks on those who work with children?
This is related to the question you asked, but it's my thesis and I think it's important to set it out out front since my answer gives a lot of reasons I don't think background checks are the right answer. In my opinion, the Church already has policies in place to prevent the vast majority of child abuse, and efforts to further prevent abuse may well be more effective if they focused on increasing compliance with Church policies and making any necessary refinements to Church policy, rather than on background-checking members.*
I can't tell you why the Church doesn't background check, but I can offer a few reasons I'd be wary of doing background checks if I ran an organization that worked with children the way the Church does. Although even a problematic method of preventing abuse is worthwhile if it is the best method, I don't think background checks are necessarily the best method. Here are a few of the difficulties checks could prevent that may contribute to their potential inferiority versus other methods of abuse prevention.
3) And, more importantly, will background checks prevent abuse to the best amount in the best way (i.e. efficiently)?
*For an example of recent refinement, see the announcement of allowing a second adult in the Priesthood interview of a woman or minor. The Church's policies might not be perfect yet, and what needs to change (and how) will likely vary based on who you ask, but the Church has shown a willingness to continue to improve them as good ideas are presented.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Can you make a Dante's Inferno style thing about the worst types of fellow student to have class with, and the appropriate punishments they should have to endure?
**NOTE: THIS ANSWER SHOULD BE READ AS A SHORT STORY; IT EXCEEDS THE STANDARD LENGTH OF ANSWERS AND PERHAPS WILL NOT BE READ COMPLETELY IN ONE SITTING
Yauvana wandered, lost, in the midst of a forest of homework assignments. Occasionally a paper would flutter down from some tall stack, contributing to the debris littering the ground. As she walked, she noticed a light on a hill in the distance. A hill meant escape from this dark homework forest. She hurriedly followed the light, eventually coming to the foot of the hill. Yet even as she was about to climb up, three prowling beasts leaped out, ready to consume her: a lion, leopard and she-wolf. Yauvana retreated to the gloom of the forest, feeling more directionless than ever. As she cast her gaze hopelessly around herself, a being materialized next to her.
"Uh... who are you? I have this strange feeling that you're some famous ancient poet that I should somehow be able to recognize by sight. Like, say, Virgil."
"Nope! I'm just some random guy who went to the University of Utah instead of BYU. So, although I thought BYU was great and everything, I've been consigned to hell. I'm here because some angel sent me; they're a person you met exactly once on the frontrunner. Apparently despite not having talked with you, they're a big fan. Right then. Now that introductions are over, let's mosey on over to hell."
"Why is everyone screaming?" Yauvana inquired. The random guy just shot her a look that said, "We're practically in hell now. Of course everyone is screaming." Soon, Yauvana saw precisely why these people in particular were screaming. The air was filled with sharp letters, which zoomed towards their hapless victims, giving paper cuts every time they made contact. Yauvana caught one of the letters; it was a catalog of different BYU majors.
"You got it! But a recurring theme of hell is that it's suddenly okay to be super vicious and cruel to others. Especially if you're righteous, because what's more righteous than reveling in another person's pain? Anyways, let's keep on moving."
The two came up to a salt water river. Pseudo-Virgil explained to Yauvana that the river was made up of the tears of people who failed their finals at BYU. All the little vials Yauvana had noticed in the past at the testing center suddenly made sense.
It was then that Yauvana noticed a looming figure rowing a boat across the river approaching the banks. Before she could ask, Pseudo-Virgil said, "That's Charon, the ferryman into hell. After all, if a figure from Greek mythology can make it into a Christian tale, he can also weasel his way into a spoof of said Christian tale." Yauvana simply shrugged. She was already living in a pretty judgy allegory, what was the occasional Greek mythological person?
As soon as they were to the other side, Pseudo-Virgil sighed and glanced back towards Yauvana, "Welcome to my home: Limbo. This is the first circle of hell, and where all the people who did not attend BYU end up. So yeah, for some reason we have people like Mother Teresa and Hitler in the same place, suffering the same fate. There's allegorical broad justice for you. Also, seems like a major oversight that people's fate after death is dependent on the type of BYU student they were, but considering we're in some weird spin off of an allegory, I wouldn't worry about it too much."
Yauvana and Pseudo-Virgil quickly passed the masses of vaguely bemused people, wondering how they got pulled into a BYU version of Dante's Inferno. Once they were almost through, Yauvana commented, "I feel like once again I should magically be recognizing people here, and then describe it as a gathering of the world's greatest writers, all while not so surreptitiously including myself as one of the world's greatest writers."
The second circle of hell was just... gross, Yauvana thought to herself. All its occupants were chained to their seats, with braces on their necks, preventing them from turning their faces away from the giant screen. Which meant they were trapped into watching every second of every clip of disgusting PDA playing on that screen. All of the people had pained expressions on their faces, while some were mumbling, "We were never that bad, were we? Like, our little games of footsie across other people's feet couldn't have been as terrible as that last clip... ".
"Yeah, buddy, you definitely deserve this," Pseudo-Virgil remarked. Yauvana couldn't help but agree. Not having realized just how terrible it was for literally everyone else to see them doing PDA in life, at least these people would finally understand the extent of their crimes in death.
Yauvana looked off into the distance--anywhere besides that giant screen. "Hey, Pseudo-Virgil, is that King Minos? Why does he have a tail? And how am I even recognizing this person who didn't ever exist in real life?"
"First, it's better if you just don't question all the Greek mythology that somehow found its way in here. Second, he has a tail to decree which circle of hell each person will go to. Here in hell we place a lot of trust in the judgement of fictional characters who only communicate via postmortem appendage."
Red ink was falling from the sky, spattering on the drifts of paper below. It took Yauvana several moments to notice the people's heads poking up above all the paper. It was another moment before she realized the paper was covered in writing--they were homework assignments.
After wading through the homework piles, the pair was soon in the fourth circle of hell. Here were all the people who had loudly proclaimed all the cool stuff they had that their parents had bought for them. They hadn't really cared about their education; their parents took care of their tuition so they never worried about having to maintain scholarships. Their punishment was to repeatedly ram each other with their super nice cars, purchased by their parents.
The fifth circle held the writers of countless angry emails to professors and TA's, explaining that they really shouldn't have to do all this dumb work, and why did they have such a terrible grade? Clearly it was completely the professor's/TA's fault.
Pseudo-Virgil looked back at Yauvana, "Their own angry emails. If you look a little to your left, you can see the super angry ones wrestling with each other." He paused for a moment. "So... is there anyone here that you recognize? Like some old enemy that you'll derive a sick amount of enjoyment out of watching them getting torn to pieces? No? Hmmm... guess we'll just be on our miserable way in that case." He proceeded to lead Yauvana to the gates of a large city. She thought she glimpsed demons guarding the gate.
Pseudo-Virgil looked up at the gates. "Hey, would you guys mind letting us through? We have heavenly approval and everything."
The demons peered down at him and Yauvana. The biggest one held up a magnifying glass to her eye. "Did you really think you'd get through our gates with that shadow of a beard on your face?"
Pseudo-Virgil sighed. "Seriously? I just shaved this morning! It's not my fault my facial hair grows so fast."
"No persons beyond this gate with any facial hair."
Grumbling angrily to himself, Pseudo-Virgil found a nearby rock to mope on. Yauvana just nervously shifted her weight from foot to foot. Just as she was about to ask Pseudo-Virgil what they were going to do next, a glowing white figure materialized at the top of the gate. He exchanged some very pointed words with the demon while brandishing his very pointed sword.
Looking extremely disgruntled, the demon waved Pseudo-Virgil and Yauvana through the gate.
They had just arrived to the next level of hell.
"And here be all the mansplainers," Psuedo-Virgil announced. He had to shout to be heard over the constant blaring horns. Even then, Yauvana had a hard time making out what he was saying. Evidently the punishment here was to be forced to listen to loud annoying noises for all eternity.
Thankfully, the pair soon traveled beyond the horns. And arrived at a very pathetic football game. No matter which team anyone cheered for, they always lost. Sometimes both teams managed to lose. Such was the just desserts of violent football fans.
After passing the dejected fans, Yauvana and Pseudo-Virgil found themselves at the eighth circle. All the people here were just milling around... with their mouths duct-taped shut, and hands tied together.
"They're the ones who pretended they were looking for a committed relationship, but were really just looking for a NCMO. Let's hurry now, Yauvana. We're almost to the final circle... Which we're going to get to by jumping through this giant well!"
"Don't worry about it--this is hell, what's the worst that could happen?" Pseudo-Virgil exclaimed, and then paused, "Yeah, on second thought, don't answer that. Just implicitly trust me like you've been doing this entire trip."
Pseudo-Virgil spat on the ground in disgust before answering, "These people gained other people's confidences and then used those secrets against them. Some of them tried to get people thrown out of BYU for breaking the honor code based on some trumped up charge based only on a kernel of truth. Others live tweeted personal secrets people told them. I think you get the picture."
"Uh, Pseudo-Virgil, where are we going now?"
"Sshh, we're almost there." It was then that Yauvana saw it--the biggest tunnel worm she had ever seen, or imagined.
"I thought we were going to avoid the tunnel worms!" she hissed at Pseudo-Virgil. He simply held up a hand to indicate for her to be quiet in response. Then he gestured forward. They were going to get out of hell by climbing down this tunnel worm's body.
It was now several slimy hours later, but Yauvana finally stood blinking in the fresh morning's light. She had done it. She had traveled all the way through hell. She turned around to say goodbye, to say thank you to her guide, but Pseudo-Virgil was already gone.
Dear 100 Hour Board (especially Sunday Night Banter),
What is the difference between FHA, USDA, and traditional loans when buying a house? I kind of understand the positives of the USDA and FHA loans, but nothing I've seen has listed any kind of negative aspects to them, is there any reason that a qualifying person wouldn't want to use one of these programs?
-My Name Here
This is a fantastic question! In order to give you a side-by-side comparison I created the following chart:
|Different Loan Types|
|+||Lower credit scores are accepted||+||No strict limits for credit eligibility or debt-to-income ratio||+||Usually offers best interest rate||+||No down payment required|
|+||Requires a smaller down payment compared to conventional loans||-||Have to be cleared by the VA||+||Usually no Private Mortgage Insurance||-||Limited to certain geographical areas|
|-||Usually requires you to pay Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI)||-||Can usually get better rate with conventional loan||-||Requires higher down payment||-||Borrower can't have income 115% above median income for area|
|-||Usually requires you to pay higher closing costs||-||Usually requires a VA funding fee||-||Home has to meet USDA standards|
|-||Home needs to meet FHA standard of living||-||Usually requires Private Mortgage Insurance|
To be honest, each person will need to choose a loan type based off of their individual situation. I would recommend discussing your options with an Equal Housing lender because they will be able to give you specific direction based off your financial circumstance.
If you need a recommendation for a lender to talk to, I'd be happy to offer some options. Just shoot me an email and we'll talk.
-Sunday Night Banter
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Is West Virginia really almost Heaven?
Dear Jackie Paper,
As we have all been taught, if we want to learn truths about Heaven, there is one source we can turn to with a surety:
The Scientific Method!
First, if we are to determine if West Virginia is like Heaven, we must ask ourselves: what is Heaven like? I think the following Far Side cartoon is instructive:
From the cartoon, I posit that we can learn three important truths about Heaven:
1) There are lots of angels,
2) It is very cloudy, and
3) Everyone plays the harp.
We will now evaluate West Virginia according to these three criteria in order to determine if it is "almost Heaven."
Criteria #1: Are there lots of angels in West Virginia?
If we are to determine if there are lots of angels in West Virginia, we first must qualify what exactly an angel is. Is it any good person that got to Heaven? Is it a human-like being with wings that assists the good people in Heaven, not unlike Michael in The Good Place? Is it a mythological creature with multiple heads and only a passing resemblance to your girlfriend?
For our cases, I'll assume the middle option: angels are human-like, winged beings that live in Heaven and whose purpose is to help the good souls in Heaven with all of their heavenly needs (such as frozen yogurt).
"Well, that's all fine and dandy, Frère," you may say, "but how do we tell if any such souls inhabit West Virginia?"
Glad you asked. You see, angels are inherently good and helpful beings, meaning they cannot lie. Since they cannot lie, it stands to reason that, if you asked one of these celestial beings if they were an angel, they would have to respond in the affirmative. So how do we tell how many angels are in West Virginia?
Well, the website howmanyofme.com reports that there are 191,745 people in the United States with the name "Angel." How many reside in West Virginia? Well, West Virginia has a population of 1.816 million, which is 0.56% of the total U.S. population (325.7 million). Assuming that all the angels are distributed according to population, that would mean that 0.56% of all of the U.S. Angels live in West Virginia, which comes out to an angelic population of 1,069.
That's all well and good, but: is that a lot of angels, comparatively speaking? To get an idea, I again turned to The Good Place. When Michael addresses the neighborhood, there seem to be somewhere between 150 and 200 people in attendance; let's say the typical angel-to-person ratio is 1:175. That means that, for a group of 1,069 angels, there should be...187,075 humans.
We won't comment on that number here; instead, we'll move on to...
Criteria #2: Is it very cloudy in West Virginia?
This one is much easier, as other people have done the science for us. The Farmer's Almanac has compiled a list of the cloudiest states in the U.S., based on how many sunny days each state receives in a given year. According to them, the cloudiest state is Washington, but West Virginia isn't far behind at #6. To quote,
The Allegheny Mountains that stretch along the border between West Virginia and Virginia are responsible for much of the overcast weather in this state. Because the Alleghenies trap moisture flowing into the state from the north and west, most of the state experiences only 60 to 65 clear days per year. One city – Elkins – only gets 48 clear days a year.
Very good. We now move on to the last Criteria,
Criteria #3: Does everyone play the harp in West Virginia?
Now, you may be tempted to answer this question with some anecdotal evidence, e.g. "Well my great-grandpappy is from West Virginia and he never played the harp on account of the oath he swore when he was but a boy of twelve after a roving bard called upon his house one day and in the ensuing violence..." etc. Now, anecdotal evidence is all well and good, but is it scientific? No. So, we turn to a different method.
One does not just pick up a harp and start playing by oneself, you see. One needs a teacher. So if we can find how many harp teachers there are in West Virginia, we can take a guess at how many harp students there also are in West Virginia, bringing us to our total number of harpists.
Before we look that up, though: how many harp students does the average harp teacher have? Let's assume that harp lessons last half an hour and each student meets with the harp teacher twice a week. Assuming that the harp teachers work from 9-5 Monday through Friday, with an hour lunch break, that gives 35 hours a week. Since each student takes up an hour total in the week, that means that each harp teacher can handle 35 students.
So, how many harp teachers are in West Virginia? After researching thoroughly, I found a grand total of...
Let's try something else: I searched the Yellow Pages for harp lessons in West Virginia. I found 30 schools. Do all of them look like they teach the harp? Nope. I mean, "Steve Barker's Percussion Studio" seems like a sure bet, but "Renaissance Music Academy?" Doubtful. So let's assume that some schools teach many more students than the average harp teacher and some teach fewer, averaging out to the same number of students, 35.
Then 30 music schools and seven music teachers with 35 students each gives...1,332 harp players (counting the teachers, of course). That represents 0.07% of the total population of West Virginia.
A jaw harp.
Do you know what kind of music uses a jaw harp?
And how many bluegrass bands are in West Virginia?
Like, a ton. And the thing about bluegrass bands is that most of them probably do not have an internet footprint.
To determine their numbers, imagine this scenario: you are a proud West Virginian. Though you are not a member of a bluegrass band, your good friend plays a mean jug, and he invites you to a neighborhood concert that he and his band are giving on Friday. You go to the concert and listen to the band a bit; they're jamming (especially that jaw harp player). There are eight members of the band, and the concert has drawn in about 40 people. Assuming that your experience is typical of most West Virginians', that means that there is at least one jaw harp for every 50-or-so people. This gives us 36,320 jaw harps, and added to the players of other harps, we get approximately 37,652 harp players in West Virginia, or around 2% of the total population.
That's all the criteria accounted for, so now we move to...
What have we learned? We have seen that:
1) There is an angel-human ratio of about 1:1,656 in West Virgina (compared to a postulated 1:175 ratio in Heaven),
2) West Virginia has 48 days without clouds a year (whereas Heaven is always cloudy), and
3) About 2% of West Virginians play the harp (and we theorize that around 99% of the denizens of Heaven do).
Is that enough to qualify West Virginia as a Heavenly place?
Well, if we know one more thing about Heaven, it's that it is perfect, so any place trying to be like Heaven should be similarly perfect in its Heavenly criteria. By that standard, West Virginia falls short.
We never asked if West Virginia was Heaven: we were concerned with whether West Virginia was almost Heaven. And, thankfully, "almost" is such an ambiguous term that I feel that, given the evidence, we can firmly declare that West Virginia IS almost Heaven (Jim Gaffigan be darned).
-Frère Rubik will defend John Denver anytime, anywhere, whether or not he's ever set foot in West Virginia
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Is Superman faster than a speeding Avada Kedavra? Would Superman survive an Avada Kedavra?
My initial reaction (and Anne's, too) was that spells travel fairly slowly - perhaps 60 mph or so. However, I couldn't find the source on the internet that gives the exact speed. That means it's speculation time!
It's certain that the speed of spells is slower than the speed of sound because incantations are heard by their targets before they hit. If magic traveled at the speed of sound (1125 feet/second) and it takes about half a second for a person to speak a three-syllable word (e.g., stupefy, protego), then to block a spell with a three-syllable incantation I would have to be at least 562 feet away from the caster (assuming I didn't start casting shield charm before the caster was done saying the incantation). There's no way anyone could hear an incantation at that distance unless they were yelling.
It seems reasonable to assume that duellers frequently stand about 10 feet apart. It would take the sound of the finished incantation about .009 seconds to travel that distance. We need the spell to take at least 0.5 seconds to travel. So the spell needs to take a maximum of 20 feet/second to travel that far. Or about 13 miles per hour. That's too slow.
Okay, that's not good. Let's assume duellers who have any sense of caution stand about 20 feet apart. That would double the speed it would take to cross that distance in .5 seconds to about 40 feet per/second or 26 mph. Also slow.
Okay, let's pretend they stand 30 feet apart. That brings the required speed up to 60 feet per second or 39 mph. Also still slower than Usain Bolt.
We made some big, not totally realistic assumptions conducive to spell slowness (i.e., that people being don't react before the incantation is over). I don't really see the number getting much higher than 50 or 60 mph (approximately 80 or 100 km/h). There. Final answer.
If anyone would like to submit a correction because they have a link to the quote that Anne and I were thinking about or they noticed my math is terrible, please do so.
What's your favorite map?
-My Map Here
I know this question was directed at yayfulness, but the world can always use more excellent maps. I especially love this one from Brandon Sanderson's Oathbringer (painted by Isaac Stewart, who is awesome):
Click to view the source full-sized.
I thought it was really cool that they put actual lines of latitude and longitude on the map, so being the map nerd that I am, I set out to digitize it and play with different map projections. Here's the map that I made based on the original:
Click to view the source full-sized.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Can you get me a dialogue sample of the screenplay, “Pride and Prejudice” with Dwayne Johnson cast as Elizabeth Bennett?
-My Name Here
I have secured a dialogue sample that matches the description you provided. (I copied/transcribed/paraphrased phrases from the following sources: Project Gutenberg, YouTube [caution: lots of profanity], and Moana.)
INT. THE COLLINS HOME. -EVENING
ELIZABETH is sitting at a desk reading a letter, her right eyebrow raised. A bell rings. Her expression briefly changes to an open-mouthed smile. The door opens and DARCY walks quickly into the room. Elizabeth's lips retract into her mouth. Nevertheless, she waves briefly and awkwardly, and runs a hand over her bald head.
(in a rushed manner)
How is your health?
Elizabeth pauses for several moments.
(clears throat awkwardly)
What's on your mind?
Darcy sits down in an empty chair for a few moments, then stands up and paces on the opposite side of the room from Elizabeth for several minutes. Elizabeth looks at her watch and flexes her arm muscles threateningly. After several more minutes, Darcy approaches Elizabeth.
In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not repressed.
You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
Elizabeth's discomfort vanishes. She snorts slightly and stares, trying to keep her face straight.
Against my better judgment, and that of my entire family, and despite your obvious inferiority,
I confess my feelings of deep attraction to you. Though your family - which includes you -
is collectively a disgrace to society, something about you compels me to love you.
(using relatively dramatic hand gestures)
So, you think I'm pretty cool. But you feel like a loser because of that?
(agitated but unabashed)
In spite of my endeavors to conquer it, I love you still. I hope I will be
rewarded by your acceptance of my hand. Elizabeth, will you marry me?
If you start singing, I'm going to throw up.
Darcy is clearly surprised, but says nothing.
(in a manner appropriate for a motivational speech)
You haven't even started being a good guy. I don't know about you,
but I had my wake up call. It's your turn. Let me just speak from my gut;
I don't have anything prepared. Man, as you have your goals and ambitions,
further on down the line, this idea that you can have anything you want -
which you have heard since you were a little boy -
you gotta be ballin'.
And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting.
My conclusion is that Dwayne is cool but, as predicted by Anne, Certainly, he does sound a little out of place in the England-in-the-1810s setting.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Imagine if America, in some alternate timeline, opted for kings instead of presidents.
How many kings would we have gone through since 1776, and who would they have most likely been?
First, let's make some assumptions.
Sound good? Okay. Now, here are the rules of primogeniture.
So with that, let's get started! Our first king is
King George I Washington
Born in 1732, acceded to the throne in 1776 at age 34, and died in 1799 at age 67 after a reign of 33 years.
George I had no children of his own - he was most likely left sterile after a bout of smallpox in 1751, although when he married the widowed Martha Custis he adopted her two children. Because of that, the throne would pass to a descendant of his father Augustine.
Augustine's oldest son died as an infant. His second son, Lawrence, died in 1752 and none of Lawrence's children lived to adulthood. His third son, Augustine Jr., died childless in 1762. George I was Augustine's fourth son (and first by his second wife); next in line would be Augustine's fifth son, Samuel.
Samuel died in 1781 (he was preceded in death by four wives and two children - be grateful for modern medicine, people). His oldest son Thornton died in 1787 in his late 20s, but not before having three or four children of his own, if FamilySearch is to be believed. Thornton's oldest son Thomas died in 1794 as a child, but his second son (George I's brother's grandson) would have been
King John I Washington
Born in 1783, acceded to the throne in 1799 at age 16, and died in 1841 at age 58 after a reign of 42 years.
John has 12 children listed on FamilySearch. His oldest son was
King Lawrence I Washington
Born in 1811, acceded to the throne in 1841 at age 30, and died in 1856 at age 45 after a reign of 15 years.
As far as FamilySearch knows, Lawrence never married or had children. John I's second son appears likely to have died young (no death date is listed), and his third and fourth children were daughters and therefore passed over by the rules of male-preference primogeniture, so the fourth king would have been Lawrence I's brother
King Benjamin I Washington
Born in 1820, acceded to the throne in 1856 at age 36, and died in 1872 at age 52 after a reign of 16 years.
Benjamin I had two sons and three daughters, in that order. His oldest son was
King John II Washington
Born in 1846, acceded to the throne in 1872 at age 26, and died in 1929 at age 83 after a reign of 57 years.
John II did not marry and had no children. His brother Franklin died in 1915 and had one son, Lawrence, whose death is not recorded. It's possible that Lawrence would have been the next king, but since Family Search has no record of his existence after 1910 we will skip over him and go to John II's sister
Queen Fannie I Washington
Born in 1853, acceded to the throne in 1929 at age 76, and died in 1930 at age 77 after a reign of one year.
She's the first queen in a line of six monarchs, but she doesn't last very long. She has numerous children attributed to her on FamilySearch, but the oldest of whom we have a meaningful record is
King John III Delehanty
Born in 1888, acceded to the throne in 1930 at age 42, and died in 1965 at age 77 after a reign of 35 years.
I'm guessing that if the monarchy actually existed, John III would keep the Washington family name rather than adopting his father's last name, but this is all a fictional interpretation so we can do whatever we want here. John has two children listed on FamilySearch, born in 1921 and 1922. It's possible that he had one or more children born before 1920 who are still alive today and therefore don't show up on FamilySearch, but that's unlikely enough that we will assume he did not. As it turns out, it doesn't matter whether male-preference primogeniture is replaced by gender-neutral primogeniture in 1920, because John III's son John (the younger of the two children) died in 1940 at the age of 18. This means that, as far as we know, with John III's death the throne passed to his only living child
Queen Margaret I Delehanty
Born in 1921, acceded to the throne in 1965 at age 44, and died in 1994 at age 73 after a reign of 29 years.
FamilySearch does not record a spouse or children for Margaret I, but it is entirely reasonable to believe that her husband and any children might still be alive today.
Assuming that she did die childless and had no additional siblings, though, the line would pass back to the next male sibling of John III (since the transition from male-preference primogeniture to gender-neutral primogeniture is not retroactive), Thornton Augustin Washington Delehanty. Thornton died in 1971 and his wife died in 1951, but it's entirely reasonable that they could have had at least one child who is alive today. So, regardless of whether the throne would pass to Margaret I's child or her cousin, we would almost certainly be living under the rule of the ninth king or queen in the Washingtonian line.
So, to recap, the nine monarchs of the Washingtonian line are:
In timeline form, it looks like this:
And as a family tree, it looks like this (with monarchs' names in all caps):
So there you have it: the royal lineage of the United States.
As flawed as the current system is, I think it's probably better than this.
p.s. After finishing this answer, I did some digging and found a couple other sources that don't fit neatly into the answer above. In 1991, the Chicago Tribune published an article on an 85-year-old man who was the last living descendant of Augustine Washington on a strictly male line. Under the Salic Law system of inheritance, in which the throne passes exclusively through male descendants, he would have been the King of the United States. Since he had no sons and has presumably died sometime in the 27 years since the article was written, the entire Washingtonian line via Augustine would have ended with him. Either a search would have to be made for a living descendant on an all-male line of Augustine's brother John Washington III or his uncle John Washington II (likely a very difficult proposition), or a new royal line would have to be chosen, or a new law of succession would have to be adopted, or the practice of royalty in the United States would come to an end.
Meanwhile, this article names Ancestry's pick for the most likely Washington family member to be the current monarch of the United States, although it does not give any detailed methodology. Despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to figure out his lineage or how they decided that he was the most likely to be next in the royal line.
Should you trust the genealogy professional, or the random guy on the internet? I'll let you decide.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
For Alumni week, and if it doesn't take too much effort, could you update the answers to Question #70656 with the recently announced temples? Especially yayfulness's video, if he's around.
-Thinks its still SO Cool!
Greetings from significantly beyond the end of alumni week! In my defense, I finally bought Crusader Kings 2 as a graduation gift to myself and it's taken over my life I've had a very busy last few months. But this wouldn't be a yayfulness temples answer if it didn't go horrifically over hours, would it? Either way, it's done now, so I hope it's worth the wait.
First off, for anyone who's new to this series, in 2013 I answered Optimistic's Board Question #70656 with a video showing that the Maldives, a tiny archipelago south of India, were the furthest permanently inhabited location from an existing or announced LDS temple. In 2015, right before I retired from the Board, I updated the answer in Board Question #83118, which is honestly easier to read if you don't want to deal with a video. By then, thanks to the announcement of the Bangkok Temple, the new furthest point from a temple was the island of Socotra, just off the coast of Yemen. Earlier that same year, I also answered Board Question #82234, which took a look at the United States (not counting Hawaii and Alaska, because... Hawaii and Alaska), and Board Question #82284, which corrected an error in my answer to the previous question.
Since 2015, the Church has announced sixteen more temples. The most notable ones for the purposes of this mapping exercise are in Harare, Zimbabwe; Nairobi, Kenya; Bengaluru (Bangalore), India; and an as-yet undetermined location in Russia. Because it's kind of hard to make a map of a location that hasn't been chosen yet, I've left the Russian temple off of my list, but we'll revisit it later.
So with that, here's the map:
You can click here to download a larger zoomable version. I highly recommend it; there are a lot of details that are easy to miss on the small version. The key is as follows:
As you can see, Socotra and the Maldives are now within 1,500 miles of the Nairobi and Bangaluru temples, respectively.
In total, there are six areas with permanent human habitations that are over 2,000 miles from the nearest temple, and no areas at a distance of over 2,500 miles. Before we get to the winner, let's see the runners-up. In order to make my life easier, I added an intermediate black line at 2,250 miles which only shows up on some of the zoomed-in images.
The smallest area on the map - incredibly easy to miss on the smaller map, where it's just a tiny red dot - is in the northern Arabian Desert. Here's a close-up picture:
Remarkably, the red triangle falls directly on Al-Hofuf, the fifth largest city in Saudi Arabia. The city is almost exactly 2,000 miles from Bengaluru, Nairobi, and Kiev, and it's evidently one of the biggest sites of date cultivation in the world.
The second area is in northwestern Greenland. I didn't catch it the first time around, and now that I've graduated I can't go back and see exactly where the 2,000-mile line falls along the coast (there are no inland cities). However, if I didn't miss anything while investigating using the Google Maps distance measurement tool, there are three permanent settlements beyond that line: Kullorsuaq (population 448, 2,052 miles from Winnipeg), Nuussuaq (formerly Kraulshavn, population 202, 2,037 miles from Winnipeg), and Qeqertat (population 33, 2,014 miles from Edmonton).
The third area is in the Indian Ocean. At the southern end of that area, beyond 2,500 miles from the nearest temple, you can find the Australian territory of Heard Island and MacDonald Islands - but you probably won't find any people there. In the mid-1800s, a community formed around the seal oil industry and had a peak population of around 200, but the industry collapsed before the end of the century after hunting the local seal population nearly to extinction. Today there are occasional expeditions by scientists and amateur radio operators, but there doesn't appear to have been a permanent population in over a century. The nearby Kerguelen Islands, which I mentioned in Board Question #91382, are home to a French naval base but no civilian population.
Further north, midway between the 2,000 and 2,250 mile lines, is the island of Rodrigues.
The island is a territory of Mauritius and has a population of a little over 40,000.
The fourth area is in the central Pacific and contains several islands. One of those islands, just short of the 2,250 mile line, is Bikini Atoll.
The atoll, near the center of the image and to the west of the largest island, had a population of 167 in 1946 before being relocated by the United States to allow the island to be used for nuclear testing. Today, Wikipedia reports that the island is home to six caretakers, and the larger island to the east, Rongelap Atoll, has either 19 or 20 residents.
Further west is the island of Pohnpei.
Pohnpei is the large island in the center, home to the capital of the Federated States of Micronesia. It has a population of about 34,000.
The fifth area is in the eastern Pacific, and has just one island: Easter Island.
Easter Island is an outer territory of Chile, with a population of about 7,750.
And the winner? The winner is our old friend Россия. There's enough Россия, in fact, that cataloging all of it would be nearly impossible, so I'm going to stick to the two segments that are beyond the 2,250-mile mark.
Segment number one is on the northern Siberian coast, way out in Significant Map Distortion Land. (If you want to see what the geography looks like without distortion, here it is on Google Maps.)
The red circle is the ghost city of Nordvik (Нордвик), which was founded in the 1930s in the hopes of finding oil. The oil prospecting never worked out, and instead a penal colony operated a salt mine. The settlement was abandoned in 1956.
The yellow circle at the juncture of the Anabar River and a minor tributary is the city of Yuryung-Khaya (Юрюнг-Хая), also founded in the 1930s, which has a current population of just over 1,100. As far as I can tell, it's the only populated city further than 2,250 miles from a temple in this part of Russia, although the settlements of Syndassko (Сындасско, population "less than 497") and Ust-Olenyok (Усть-Оленёк, population 27) are nearby.
If we go further south, though, there's a lot more to look at.
So remember when I said that this was Russia? It turns out that's using an... ah... expansive definition of "Russia" which includes a decent chunk of Kazakhstan and China. (The 2,000-mile line clips the corner of Mongolia too.) Here's that same place on Google:
As you can see, there are quite a few cities in this area. We're going to need another buffer.
The outer black line on this image is the 2,250 mile buffer from before, and the inner line is a 2,325 mile buffer. (A 2,300 mile buffer includes a bit too much and a 2,350 mile buffer closes the triangle entirely.) Inside that triangle is a mountain peak named Khrebet Tarbagatay, whose Wikipedia page somewhat inexplicably only exists in Swedish and Cebuano. There is also a ton of farmland but, at least according to Google Maps, only one city more than one city but I'll get to the rest of them later: Makanchi (Мақаншы), which is almost perfectly cut in half by the western side of the triangle.
Finding any information on Makanchi was difficult. You can get a decent look at it from above on Google, but street view has only minimal coverage in Kazakhstan - you can see the border crossing at Qoqek (Tacheng) about 45 miles to the east and a random residential scene at Naualy a similar distance to the west, but hardly anything else even remotely close. Wikipedia has a sparse English-language page on Urzhar District, but the only pages for Makanchi itself are in Kazakh and Russian. From what I could gather from Google's attempts at translation, the city was founded in 1879 and has a population of around 12,242.
Now, about those other cities? Somehow I missed them my first time through this project, but a few do in fact exist, mostly along the road from Makanchi to Qoqek. The only two I could find on Wikipedia (links in Russian, which appears to have the most information) are Karatal (Каратал), a town of just under 1,000 residents (not to be confused with any of the fifteen other Kazakh and five Russian cities of the same name, one of which is located 150 miles to the northeast), and Bakhty (Бахты), a city immediately to the Kazakh side of the Kazakh-Chinese border with a population of about 2,500. Google shows a few other settlements along that road, but none of their names are given in the Cyrillic alphabet and as best I can tell none of them show up anywhere on Wikipedia.
While the northern tip of the triangle does approach several settlements, as best I can tell it doesn't actually include them. The closest is a village called Lager (Лагерь), but it turns out Лагерь is actually just the generic Russian and Kazakh word for "camp," so finding any details on the site turned out to be impossible. (For all I know, it may be an actual camp; it can't have more than a dozen or two structures.) Is Lager really outside the triangle? My measurements on Google suggest it is. My best guess from looking at the GIS screenshots says it isn't. I have easy access to Google and no easy access to GIS as I write this section of the answer, so Google is the official winner.
As best I can tell, then, Karatal is the furthest city from a current or announced LDS temple site (if you define "city" as "permanent civilian settlement with a Wikipedia page in at least one language").
Remember how I said I couldn't map the announced temple in Russia, because it doesn't have a location yet?
Giving it a location could change this answer quite a bit.
Wikipedia says there are currently three stakes and four districts in Russia. It seems likely that the Church would try to build a temple in one of those stakes, since they represent the largest concentration of Church membership. Therefore, I will start by looking at those three locations: Moscow, Saratov, and St. Petersburg.
Moscow seems to be the most logical choice. According to the LDS Meetinghouse Locator, there are ten wards and branches in Moscow and its suburbs, and five others nearby. Plus, as the capital city, it seems likely to be the most suitable travel destination.
Moscow to Bakhty:
Moscow to Yuryung-Khaya:
If a temple is built in Moscow, it will be just under 2,000 miles from Makanchi, and the entire Urzhar District triangle will fall within the 2,250 mile radius. Nordvik and Yuryung-Khaya would still fall outside of that radius, though, leaving Yuryung-Khaya as the furthest city from a temple.
Next up is Saratov. It only has six wards and branches, but the nearby cities of Samara (home to a district and a mission) and Tolyatti (also home to a district) and other nearby cities contribute seven more. Plus, it's closer to the far-flung branches in Russia's interior.
Saratov to Bakhty:
Saratov to Yuryung-Khaya:
A temple in Saratov would be even closer to the Urzhar District than Moscow and even further from Yuryung-Khaya, so the result would be the same as Moscow: Yuryung-Khaya is our new winner. If the temple is built 200 miles to the northeast in either Samara or Tolyatti, it will be 2,230 miles from Yuryung-Khaya, still far enough to keep it in first place.
Last, and in my opinion definitely least likely, is St. Petersburg. With seven congregations and three more nearby, the number of members in the temple's immediate vicinity would be lower than either of the other two locations. Plus, St. Petersburg is just under 200 miles from the temple in Helsinki, Finland. Apart from saving the trouble of crossing an international border, a temple in St. Petersburg wouldn't do much to bring temple access closer to most of Russia's members. Still, it's a significantly more likely location than any other city that hasn't made the list.
St. Petersburg to Bakhty:
St. Petersburg to Yuryung-Khaya:
If a temple is built in St. Petersburg, it will be about 2,235 miles from Yuryung-Khaya, 2,245 miles from Makanchi, and 2,250 miles from Karatal. This leaves Bakhty and Karatal tied as the furthest cities from a temple.
Let's imagine, though, that none of those cities work out and instead a temple is built somewhere like Yekaterinburg or Novosibirsk, less than 2,000 miles from both regions. If the furthest point from a temple is not in Russia, where will it be?
Remember the six inhabited areas further than 2,000 miles from a temple? We can eliminate Russia immediately, courtesy of the new temple's hypothetical location. We can also knock out Al-Hofuf and Greenland, since all of their cities are between 2,000 and 2,100 miles from a temple. Rodrigues is barely over 2,100 miles, so the Indian Ocean is out too. That leaves two contenders, both in the Pacific Ocean - one to the east, and one to the west.
Easter Island is the only candidate location in the eastern Pacific. By my rough measurement, it's around 2,215 miles from the nearest temple in Concepcion, Chile. In the western Pacific, I'm eliminating both Bikini Atoll and Rongelap Atoll, since the aftermath of nuclear testing left them with only a negligible population. That makes Pohnpei, Micronesia the only island under consideration. Depending on what part of the island you measure, it's between 2,200 and 2,220 miles from the nearest temple in Suva, Fiji. So ultimately, it all comes down to the exact location of the Conception and Suva temples and the exact location of the furthest inhabited point on each island.
If you think I'm going to stop here, you are completely wrong.
The exact site of the temple in Concepcion is Pedro de Valdivia 1525 (addresses in Spanish put the street number after the street name). Here is a close-up of the site:
And here is the most distant identifiable man-made structure on Easter Island that someone could conceivably live in:
The total distance? 2,219.85 miles.
The best address I can find for the temple in Suva is the intersection of Lakeba Street and Princess Road. Here it is:
It was a bit harder to find the most distant building on Pohnpei, but I'm pretty sure this is it:
Total distance: 2,217.20 miles.
Easter Island beats Pohnpei by exactly 2.65 miles.
So there you have it. If the temple in Russia is built east of Moscow, the furthest permanent civilian population from a temple will be on Easter Island. I think that's unlikely, though; once the Russia temple location is announced, I'm willing to bet Easter Island will be in second place, after Yuryung-Khaya, and I'm willing to bet that both of those locations will hold their position for a very long time. Why? Let's take a look at what it would take to change that.
We'll start with Yuryung-Khaya As I previously mentioned, a temple in St. Petersburg or the Samara-Tolyatti area would shave 15-20 miles off the distance from Yuryung-Khaya to the nearest temple, which would still leave it ahead of Easter Island (and in the case of St. Petersburg, if no other temple is built elsewhere in Russia, behind the Urzhar District). But both of these options are, in my opinion, unlikely at best. Could the Church build a second temple elsewhere in Russia? Assuming the first temple is in Moscow or St. Petersburg, I suppose it's possible. Yekaterinburg and Novosibirsk are each surrounded by a cluster of branches, but it seems unlikely that either location would be able to support a temple without significant growth first. And Vladivostok is too isolated from the rest of Russia and too close to Japan and South Korea to seem realistic, especially with a bare handful of branches there. And on top of all of that, Russian politics are not exactly favorable to foreign churches at the moment. Given that we still don't know where the already-announced temple in Russia will be located, I don't think a second one is coming in the foreseeable future.
There are several technically possible but completely implausible options: a second temple north of Sapporo on the island of Hokkaido (which would make no sense, as Sapporo is home to half the island's population and Japan still has no temple in most of its major cities), a temple in Fairbanks, Alaska (which would basically exist for the benefit of the Fairbanks Stake and nobody else - and which would still be 2,235 miles from Yuryung-Khaya), or a temple somewhere in the far reaches of Canada (and far from any existing congregations) or northern Norway, Sweden, or Finland (where there are only a handful of branches).
There are also three currently temple-less countries that we can safely disregard for the foreseeable future: China (not happening anytime soon, and Beijing and all but a few of China's largest cities are outside of the 2,250 mile radius anyway), Kazakhstan (unlikely - while the country isn't as religiously repressive as China, the current LDS population is just 197 people), and the northern tip of North Korea (no).
BUT! That does leave one important possibility: Mongolia. Right now, Mongolia has a mission, two stakes and a district, and over 10,000 members. That's only half as many members as Russia, but they're concentrated in a much smaller area. Ulaanbaatar alone has twelve wards, two more than Moscow. And right now, the nearest temple is over 1,200 miles away in Seoul, South Korea. I imagine it will be a while, but I'm willing to bet most of us will live to see a temple in Ulaanbaatar.
So, in summary and in order, the plausible locations for a temple within 2,250 miles of Yuryung-Khaya:
As for Easter Island? In order to get a temple closer to Easter Island than Concepcion, you'd basically have to build a temple on Easter Island itself. The nearest inhabited place is nearly 1,300 miles away on Pitcairn Island; the nearest city of over 500 people is about 1,600 miles away on Mangareva in French Polynesia. Aside from the Easter Island branch, the nearest listed congregations on the Meetinghouse Locator are the Isla Juan Fernandez, Chile branch 1,900 miles to the east and the Hao, French Polynesia branch 2,000 miles to the west. The only areas in mainland South America closer to Easter Island than Concepcion are just a few miles to the city's south. All four of those places are incredibly unlikely temple candidates. Easter Island's branch is tiny, and when I was a missionary in Chile (2009-2011) the branch president was a senior missionary. Juan Fernandez Island has a population of barely 900 and the branch there is also very small small (although, to the best of my recollection, the branch at least had a local branch president). Hao is an atoll threatened by climate change - its highest point is just three feet above sea level - and it is only 600 miles from the temple in Pape'ete, Tahiti. And there's no good reason to build a second temple in a rural area just a few miles from Concepcion.
So is there ever going to be a temple closer to Easter Island? Probably not in my lifetime.
While we're at it, we might as well look at the outlook for the other locations beyond the 2,000 mile mark.
Micronesia and the Marshall Islands about 700 miles to the east each have a Church membership of 6,000-7,000, but I suspect a more likely location for a new temple in the Pacific is Tarawa, some 1,000 miles to the southeast. The island has 15 congregations, and Kiribati, the country it is a part of, has two stakes, two districts, 31 congregations, and around 20,000 members, making up nearly 20% of its population. It is also around 1,400 miles from the temples in Fiji and Samoa. Now, I'm not sure how the Church would feel about building a temple on an atoll as opposed to a proper island, but it's definitely a possibility.
Even more likely than that, though, is a temple about 1,350 miles to the southwest of Pohnpei in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. The country has two missions, two stakes, and twelve (!) districts made up of over 27,000 members in 80 wards and branches - significantly more members than Russia. The nearest temple is over 1,300 miles to the south in Brisbane, Australia. I would bet you just about anything that they will have a temple of their own announced within the next ten years.
For Rodrugues to lose its spot on the list, the Church would most likely have to build a temple in Mozambique or Madagascar. Both countries have a mission, multiple stakes, and just over 10,000 members. I'd guess Madagascar is the more likely of the two, since Mozambique is already close to two temples in South Africa and one in Zimbabwe.
You'd think that the towns in Greenland might get knocked off the list by another temple in Canada, but there really aren't any major cities with a concentration of Church members that are closer than the existing temples. The best candidate would actually be Edinburgh or Glasgow, Scotland. The two cities each have a decent cluster of meetinghouses, and it's been twenty years since the last temple was dedicated in the UK, so I think it's entirely plausible.
Al-Hofuf... that is a tough one. A temple in Saratov or Samara, Russia, would bump it off the list. It's hard to think of other realistic possibilities - Albania was the only serious candidate in Europe to come to mind, with 3,000 members and several thousand more in the surrounding countries, but Tirana is just barely over 2,000 miles from Al-Hofuf. India's Church membership is concentrated to the country's south and east, so a second temple there would probably not change anything. Still... I'm not willing to rule out Russia completely.
So I'll refine my prediction just a little:
And there you have it: in all likelihood, the second-most conclusive answer to this recurring question that I will ever write. I look forward to updating it as soon as the location of the temple in Russia is announced (although depending on my GIS access, it might not look as fancy). Until then, I hope this has kept you informed and entertained!
Dear Frère Rubik,
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THE BOARD WE ARE ENGAGED OR WHAT!?
Kidding! I’m just kidding!
HEY EVERYONE! VIENNA AND I HAVE BEEN DATING SINCE LIKE LAST APRIL AND WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED SOON!
That's right, folks: one of the Board's kindest, funniest, most loving and compassionate writers has decided to marry probably the Board's most Rubik-iest writer.
How on earth did I get to be so lucky, you ask? It's simple, really: I successfully defeated Chris Pratt in a taco-eating contest on top of the Empire State Building. Why she had us hold the contest there, I don't know (it was very cold and windy and the cilantro kept flying off of my tacos), but we went along with it because she is totally worth it.
I don't want to overly gush, but Vienna is amazing. She is so amazingly kind and loving and supportive and funny and great. She feels special to me in a way that no one else has before. She makes me so much better.
Plus, I mean, she's really pretty, guys:
What did I tell you? Drop-dead gorgeous. And I get to be with her forever.
P.S. The reason it took so long, Vienna, is because I got lost in your eyes every time I tried to draw a paper bag over them.
P.P.S. Ok so yeah technically the real reason it took so long is because this semester has been absolutely crazy with graduating and wedding planning and whatnot but I'm serious about those eyes of yours, chica. They are DREAMY.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
I know you’re busy trying to get into the Room of Requirement, but I saw a picture in the library on one of the display monitors advertising laptop chargers as perk #126. What are the other 125+
Or if you can’t secure a list of those, what would you list as the top ten library perks?
You came to the write place, because as a Board writer I'm definitely privy to that real information, and didn't just come up with a list off the top of my head. Here are the other 125 library perks:
And that, of course, brings up to perk #126, laptop chargers.
There's definitely more perks of the library, but in the interest of doing something else with my life instead of thinking about the HBLL at all times, I'll let you discover those on your own.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Books printed in the 1960s smell good, like really good. Why is that?
Do you want to know about SCIENCE??
Books are primarily made of paper, which is made of wood. Two of the main molecules in the cell walls of plants are cellulose and lignin. Here are some fun diagrams of the molecules.
You'll see that they're both long chains of mostly circular molecules. Circular molecules are aromatic, and they're called aromatic because most of the first aromatic molecules smelled good. That's not a general rule for aromatic compounds, but lucky for us a lot of the by-products of the breakdown of cellulose and lignin smell nice. Here are some of the by-products of the breakdown of cellulose and lignin:
Toluene has a strong aromatic odor that most people find pleasant. It smells vaguely like gasoline.
You'll recognize this one as the functional molecule in vanilla. This is why old books smell kind of like vanilla.
- 2-ethyl hexanol
2-ethyl hexanol is a compound that is found in a lot of natural plant fragrances, specifically fruits, like plums.
- Ethyl Benzene
Ethyl benzene smells like gasoline as well, and has a sweet odor. It's used in tars and ink.
Benzaldehyde is used in imitation almond extract, and has a sweet almond-like odor.
Furfural also is a sweet, almond-smelling compound, and can also be used to calculate how old a book is!
So that's the chemical reason that old books have that slightly fruity, nutty vanilla smell! The older they are, the more they've got that smell. Books from the 1960's have been breaking down for like 60 years!
Keep it real,
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Can you all write answers/tell stories while impersonating another writer? This would make my week.
Well, you didn't really ask for this, but I decided to do a predictive text answer based on the answers from each individual writer. Enjoy! (I've included some of our recently departed writers as well.)
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Dear bakerer's apprentice,
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Benedict of the friendship status,
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Dear nameless of doom,
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-guppy of doom
Dear fossilized typewriter,
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Keep it real,
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-Sunday Night Banter
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The Lone Musketeer
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Keep it real,
Sherpa Dave (with significant help from Tipperary)
Dear 100 Hour Board,
How many tri-state areas are there in the United States? Which one would you want to conquer entirely?
Dear 100 Hour Board,
Could kidney stones be considered a sedimentary rock?
-Oscar E. Meinzer
Dear The Grouch,
Oscar E. Meinzer asked all of us
a question, which, answer we often must
but you must know this fact
we just can't be exact
for we are not nephrogeologists
- The Earl of Limerick